Seeking Forgiveness
**Kael**
Entering that hospital room and finding Sarah lying in the bed, aware of the real possibility that she might never walk again, made me feel like the worst human being in the world. Deep down, I knew my responsibility in all of this was significant, and the weight of guilt hit me like an avalanche.
I decided at that moment that, regardless of what she might say now, I would do everything in my power to help her. Even if she no longer wanted me around, I was determined to continue taking care of her, even from a distance.
"Leave us alone, Maira," Sarah's voice didn't sound like a request, but rather like a firm order. Just from that short sentence, I could sense how the accident had transformed her personality, and not in a positive way.
"You can call me if you need anything," Maira says before leaving the room. Although her words were directed at Sarah, I knew it was a message for me.
"What do you hope to achieve by approaching me? Do you think you'll gain sympathy from everyone by pretending to be the victim?" Sarah's voice oozes contempt.
"I imagine my presence here at the hospital has generated some gossip," I comment, trying to maintain a light tone. "I'm not seeking your forgiveness through rumors among the staff, Sarah."
"I haven't heard an apology from you either," she doesn't resemble the vulnerable girl some might expect.
I gaze at her closely, admiring her beauty even though the pallor and fragility are evident in her face as she lies in the hospital bed. Once again, I feel the depth of my love for this beautiful and courageous woman.
"So, I apologize for everything that happened..." I finally said the words I had needed to say for a long time, ever since I realized how much of a jerk I had been. "I know I was unfair and didn't give you a chance to defend yourself, and I know words alone can't fix what I did, but I'm here apologizing, Sarah."
She looked at me with a sarcastic smile, devoid of understanding.
"So, it's my forgiveness you want, Kael Graham?" She asked with evident irony. "Well, you have it. You can go now and be happy. I hope you don't wander the hallways of this hospital."
"I understand that you're angry..." I began to say, but she interrupted me.
"I'm not angry with you, Kael." Her voice sounded harsh and genuine mockery. "Being angry is too strong of a feeling, and honestly, I barely even remember you exist."
Sarah wasn't willing to let me say everything I had planned to say when we finally met face to face, and I wasn't leaving before that.
"Now you can get out of here," she said, pointing to the door. "Go back to Seattle, to your important business. Forget that I exist once again, it's easy for you to do that, after all, you did it for so long."
"I'm not going anywhere without you," I made my position clear. "I'll only leave when you agree to come back to Seattle with me."
"Well, know that you'll need to transfer all your businesses to Europe because I have no intention of going anywhere with you!" She spoke firmly, but I noticed she was getting agitated, which wasn't a good sign.
"I'll wait as long as necessary, Sarah," I affirmed, no matter how long that might be.
"Life is yours, do as you please," she says bitterly. "But I don't want you here at the hospital, hovering like a vulture. That's what I wanted to say. Now, do me the favor of leaving me alone."
"I haven't said what I came to say yet."
"There's nothing more to say. You already have forgiveness, you can go with a clear conscience," she points to the door once again.
"Before I leave, I want you to know that I love you very much, Sarah, and I won't give up on you," I say calmly, feeling a huge relief for finally being able to express my feelings to the woman I love.
"I've already said what I had to say, Kael. You can go now," she pronounces with a mixture of exhaustion and firmness in her voice.
"Sarah, please, give me the chance to redeem myself, to show that I've changed," I plead, my eyes desperately searching for any sign of empathy in her gaze.
She sighed, seeming to consider my words for a moment, but then shook her head.
"It's not that simple, Kael. You can't erase everything that happened just with words," her expression is impassive, her eyes looking at me from a distance.
"I understand that I made mistakes, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make things right," my voice is full of sincerity, but she doesn't yield.
"You hurt me deeply, Kael. My trust in you was shattered," she pauses, taking a deep breath. "I can't just ignore that and start trusting you again all of a sudden."
My breathing becomes heavier as I stare at the floor, feeling powerless in the face of her words.
"I'll prove with my actions what I feel in my heart," I say with a lump in my throat, the words almost coming out as a whisper. "If you ever change your mind, I'll be waiting."
She doesn't respond; her gaze remains fixed at some point beyond me. With one last look filled with pain, I turn and leave the room, leaving behind the woman I love but who now seems so distant and unreachable.
As soon as I close the door with a click, I hear an object hitting the wood.
The corridor seems longer and darker as I exit Sarah's room. Every step I take echoes the emptiness I feel inside. Tears threaten, but I keep my composure. The pain is almost unbearable, but I deserve it.
I run into Maira in the hallways, and she looks at me with understanding in her eyes. I say nothing, just nod and continue walking. Maira realizes that the visit wasn't at all positive.
"I'd better check on how she's doing," Maira says as she quickly walks back to the room.
Despite Sarah's harsh words, I feel somewhat relieved after seeing her in person. I admire her strength in the face of all the trauma she's going through; she doesn't crumble.
I don't intend to follow her request of not coming back to the hospital, but I'll avoid the corridors near Sarah's room to avoid upsetting her further.
My phone rang at that moment, and I saw on the screen that it was my mother, whom I'd been missing a lot, even though we'd talked several times throughout the day.
"Hi, Mom," I answer, letting out a tired sigh.
"Are you at the hospital, son?"
"Yes, I'm here," I confirm. "I just left Sarah's room."
"I'm glad she agreed to see you! That's good news," she celebrates.
I had told my mother about the brief and intense relationship I had with Sarah, which initially left her extremely surprised because she had never imagined that her son would have an affair with one of her great love's daughters. However, after recovering from the shock, she gave me a stern lecture. My mother was disappointed in my actions, and I felt guilty for causing this feeling in one of the most important people in my life. After a long conversation, she eventually forgave me. But before that, she asked me to find a way to make things right with Sarah, something I truly wanted to do but still didn't know how to do.
I left the hospital with an overwhelming weight on my shoulders, consumed by guilt over recent events. My mother's words of advice echoed in my mind, but the avalanche of responsibilities I had triggered didn't allow me to think clearly.
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