Chapter 15

I knew skipping classes yesterday may not have been the best idea since we had just started the semester, but how could I not? I had never been so confident around guys before but for some reason I felt like Tommy wanted me and that was enough. Maybe after everything I am just feeling lonely and that's why I gave in to my feelings and desires so quickly, but I hope that is not the case. I guess I should talk with my therapist about that? Is it healthy for me to be in this kind of relationship right now? There wasn't much thinking going on at the time but now that it's the next day I can't stop my mind racing about what we had done.

Tommy was so sweet to me through the whole thing and I enjoyed every second we shared, but what did that mean for us? Among the pack, we are mates but at school do we stay apart? Or do we say we are dating? Damn my hormones, I had let them take over and now I had all these unanswered questions! Tommy had to leave yesterday evening to work with his dad on something and we didn't talk since. In fact I don't even have his number!

My head began to hurt at all the thoughts I had running through my brain. How could I forget the simplest things? Yesterday was more like a hook up and never call kind of thing, even if we didn't mean for it to be. At least I didn't mean for it to be. I needed to talk to someone, but I wasn't sure how could I without telling someone what we are? Maybe I'll just leave a few facts out and see if I can get some kind of advice, if any. I take out my phone and start to text my therapist. I tell her I met someone, and things moved pretty quick and we ended up sleeping together and haven't talked since.

(Therapist reply:)

'Maya hello, it has been a few days since you contacted me. I am glad you are meeting new people and doing your best to live a normal life. Although it was rather fast there is nothing wrong with seeking out companionship, that is very normal. However, because of what you have been through feeling a sense of abandonment will creep up if your new relationships are not defined.

While it is ok to have fun, make sure you feel secure. A sense of security in your life will help you feel adjusted to beginning a normal life. It is best to seek out more steady friendships that have clear boundaries. I wish you the best and contact me any time!'

(End of message)


Her advice made sense; my life is kind of unstable right now. A new college student, new town, I don't know anyone really.... there was nothing steady about my life yet. I needed to talk to Tommy and let him know I am not interested in occasional hook ups if that is what he expects. If we are mates I need to know what that means to him. Are we dating now? Or does he want to take things slower? I didn't want to seem pushy or overbearing, but it wasn't healthy for me to be so uncertain about my relationship with him.

I made my way to my first class and was happy to see Annie waving me over to sit next to her!


"Maya hey!! Come sit!" She says tapping the seat beside her. "What happened to you yesterday?"

"I had something come up, sorry!" I say awkwardly.

"It's fine! I just missed having a friendly face around. I am way too nervous to talk to anyone else yet! I think I used all my confidence when I talked to you!" She says laughing.

I laugh too. "Aw am I that intimidating?" I tease.

"No way! But at first I was sure you didn't want to talk, but I guess I was wrong because you are an angel!" She says happily.

She was right, I didn't want to talk to her at first, but I am glad she did. I haven't had many friends like her, and I found her happy personality kind of refreshing. She seemed genuine and real, which I needed right now. We talked for a few more minutes before class started, and when class was over she invited me for a coffee. There was a coffee cart on the way to my next class, and we stopped there for a quick drink.

"So how are your other classes going?" She asks me to take a sip of her drink as we walked.

"I am really happy with them! Especially art history! I can't wait to see what we will cover!" I say happily.

"That's great! So have any cute guys caught your eye yet?" She ask wiggling her eyebrows.

Uh oh! What do I say? Do I lie? I didn't want to start our friendship off with lies, but I couldn't tell her the whole truth.

"There is someone I like but it's kind of early to tell where it will go!" I admit.

"Ohhhhh....who is the lucky guy?" She says nudging my arm.

"It's-" I start before we are interrupted.

"Maya!" Some yells walking toward us.

I look to see Tommy walking over with a couple of his friends. Oh god!

"Oh, uh hey!" I say giving an awkward wave.

When the guys reach us there is a silent moment between all of us.

"So bro are you going to introduce us?" One of the guys asks slapping Tommy on the back.

Tommy grunts and punches the guy in the arm.

"I was about to! Stop hitting me! Maya these are my friends Noah, Eli and Will!" He says pointing at each one.

"Hey guys I am Maya!" I say with a smile.

"Hey Maya, wow you are really pretty!" Eli says with a big grin.

"Oh, thanks!" I say blushing looking over at Tommy who looks slightly annoyed.

"This is Annie!" I tell them.

"Hi cutie!" Will says to her.

She giggles slightly. What is with these flirty boys? Must be a college thing to be openly flirting like this.

"Where are you two headed?" Eli asks.

"I was just walking with Maya to her next class but mine is in the F building." Annie replies.

"That's where I am headed, want to walk together?" Will offers her.

I look over at her and she looks stunned.

"She would love to, right Annie?" I encourage her.

She nods and Will offers her his arm like a real gentleman. She takes it slowly and giggles again. I can't help but laugh a little myself at their exchange. They looked cute together!

"So Maya, where are you headed?" Eli asks with a mischievous grin.

He was trouble I could tell, but Tommy hadn't stopped him so what was I supposed to do?

"I'm off to K building!" I say happily.

"May I escort you my lady?" Eli teases.

"Absolutely sir, I would be happy to walk with you." I reply with a smile.

He laughs and offers his arm which I happily take.

Tommy huffs and he and Noah follow behind us not speaking. I thought when Tommy walked up he would introduce as more than just my name, but he didn't. It didn't seem like there was anything special between us, so why was I supposed to act any different. If he didn't want to say who I was to him in front of his friends, why did I have to?