Chapter 27

Sitting in my seat, I can't help but play the moment between me and Eli over and over in my head. I don’t understand what that moment was. Had he grown feelings for me during the time Tommy asked him to watch over me? This was something she did not want to deal with right now. Of course, I found Eli handsome and I enjoyed his company, but had I given him mixed signals? This was a mess.

I had finally mated with Tommy after being kidnapped and killing a guy who I had started spending time with, and now one of Tommy's best friends seemed to be falling for me. What more could happen?! Something was going on, something felt different. I couldn't place what it was, but it felt like something inside me was different, and in fact Eli showing concern for me actually felt nice.

That thought instantly made me feel guilty. How could I be ok with another guy acting that way toward me? Tommy was my mate, I should feel uncomfortable, but I didn't. It was strange, I actually felt...loved? I don't know. My head began to ache at the amount of thoughts running through it, but my thoughts were interrupted by Annie plopping down next to me. She let out a loud sigh that startled me.

"Sh-" I said louder before cutting myself off. "You scared me Annie!"

"Oh god sorry! I thought you saw me walk up! Hey, what's going on? You look like crap!" She said teasingly.

"Wow thanks!" I said rolling my eyes at her.

"Seriously, what's going on? You don't look too good. Are you not sleeping?" She asked sounding more concerned.

"I don't know...." I said.

"Is this about...." She paused and looked around before lowering her voice. "...is it about werewolves?"

She looked at me with wide eyes, curious and interested.

"How much do you actually know about all that?" I ask her.

"Well, only a little. Will told me that he was one and so we're his friends and...and you. Why didn't you tell me?" She said crossing her arms.

"How exactly could I explain that to you Annie? Would you have believed me that I can shift into a giant wolf?" I say with a small laugh.

"I guess you're right! I barely believed Will, but when he changed in front of me I guess I had to believe." She said with disbelief.

"Yeah well...it's complicated I guess. There is a lot going on and honestly I am a little confused about some of it too." I admit.

She looks at me concerned but the professor walked in before she could ask me anything else. Me trying to get anything out of this lecture was not about to happen, not today. Too much was going on that school didn't seem so important right now. I needed to get my head straight and take these things on one at a time. First I needed to forgive myself for what happened to James, because that had been tearing me apart since it happened.

No matter how many times I was told that I did the right thing, that I was just trying to survive...I still killed someone, and I don't think I would ever feel ok about it. There was nothing I could do to change it, so I needed to learn to accept what I had done. I couldn't take it back and I couldn't change it! I am a werewolf, and as a werewolf you have to fight... sometimes you even have to kill. I had to harden myself to the fact that this may not be the first person I killed.

What would happen if the alpha did find me? Would I be willing to kill again to save myself? As hard as it was to admit, I would. If it meant living or saving someone I loved I would kill again. Because as a werewolf, I was a predator. My instincts were to fight and to kill if need be, and no amount of human guilt would stop my instincts from taking over.

Yet, there was something else too...a feeling.... something I couldn't explain. The need to protect, to help...to heal? That doesn't make sense though. I didn't understand this feeling. I had been feeling it since I woke up in the pack doctor's office that day. My injuries had healed faster than it should have and now this feeling. It didn't make sense! What is going on with me?

"Maya? Hey Maya!" Annie's voice rang through my ear. "Hey, the class is over."

I looked at her, my breath shallow.

"What's happening? You look sick again." She says placing her hand on my forehead.

"Something is wrong with me. I don't know what it is. A feeling. Something about me is different and I am so confused!" I tell her.

"Ok, ok. I'll call Will, let's see if we can get you checked out." She says taking out her phone and calling her mate.
My legs felt shaky when I forced myself to stand. Annie took my hand and brought her arm through her arm holding it tight. She helped me walk out of the class where Will, Noah, Eli and Tommy were waiting. Tommy was here! As soon as I saw him I rushed into his arms.
"Hey what's going on love?" He asks me trying to make me look at him.

I didn't want him to see my face, I just wanted him to hold me. I needed an anchor to keep me from letting my mind wonder again.

"Can you just hold me for a second?" I ask my voice trembling.

I closed my eyes and took in Tommy's scent, and finally felt calm. I felt my mind clear, but I sensed something else and it made me shiver in Tommy's hold. There was another scent...and another...I was sensing them. I was feeling drawn to them, their scent was comforting too. I felt surrounded by this feeling of peace. Why? I opened my eyes to look over Tommy's shoulder and the eyes that looked back at me looked stunned and confused.
This can't be right....