I'm sorry
Damien
Captain Volkov's thick oak door to my apartments closed with a quiet thud. His report had been comprehensive, so I knew it wasn't all his fault. Carefully, or as carefully as she could in her despair, Freda had planned her escape. That concerned me even more because she was no idiot. “Damien, she was scared.” The memory of Volkov's remarks pierced like a chilly truth blade."She fears becoming stuck and losing herself in this place."
I was so close to losing her already! That notion sent a new wave of wrath through me, only this time it was turning inward instead of out.
Her earlier words reverberated, biting and piercing, in my thoughts. "Damien, I don't want to be in this kingdom or in the palace." Had I truly turned into that? Was she viewing me as a despot, someone who dominated using coercion and terror? I placed my forehead against the chilly glass. Not at all; I wasn't a monster. Giving her everything I believed she needed, while also shielding her. However, perhaps I hadn't been paying attention.
I needed to make that adjustment. I needed to convince her not to fear me and that I was a trustworthy person. I found myself staring at the door leading to her room. Although it hadn't been secured since the day she came, I knew that she felt like a prisoner at her core. Maybe it was time to open more than just a few doors. I strode towards the door. I would speak with her as a man seeking to understand her, not as a ruler attempting to subjugate her will. I steeled myself and took a big breath. Despite having defeated opponents considerably more powerful than this one, this one felt, for some reason, like the greatest fight of them all. After lifting my hand to knock, I paused for a second before gently tapping the door. I shouted out to Freda softly, attempting to keep my voice from sounding harsh. "That's Damien. Can I enter now? " A lengthy silence ensued, so much so that I nearly looked away, fearing she would not answer. But then I heard her voice, exhausted and strained, just a little bit. Enter now. Gradually opening the door, I entered the chamber. She was seated by the window, the same one I had been staring out of earlier, her face glowing softly in the moonlight. Her presence surprised me. I felt something strongly inside of me when I saw how tiny and defenseless she appeared with her arms encircling her knees. Unsure of where to begin, I said, "Freda." I had practiced a dozen various responses on the drive here, but now that I was facing her, none of them sounded good enough. "I apologise," I said.
Her eyes widened with surprise as she turned to face me. That obviously wasn't what she was anticipating. She repeated, her voice tinged with scepticism, "You're... sorry?" "Yes," I responded, taking a step towards her but remaining cautious so as not to crowd her. "After giving what happened some thought, I see that I wasn't fair to you. I didn’t stop to consider how you might feel because I was so intent on making you see things my way and on keeping you here."
Freda's expression relaxed a little, but her guarded, wary gaze told me I still had a lot more to prove. I went on, my voice low and genuine, "I can't pretend to understand everything you're going through." I am aware, though, that you don't deserve to be imprisoned. Freda, that is not my wish for you. And I apologise if I ever caused you to feel that way. Her hands, which were wiggling in her lap, caught her attention as she fell silent for a brief period. "Just now... Her voice cracked slightly, "I just want to be free, Damien," she said in a whisper. "I want to be free to choose how I want to live. I don't want to be pushed into a role I'm not prepared for."
I desired for her to be free, but I also wanted her to pick me, to stick by my side voluntarily rather than out of duty. I took a step closer and replied, "I understand." And I swear, "I will stop at nothing to relieve your sense of being confined and under control. Freda, I want you to think of me as someone you can rely on."
She gazed up at me, for a brief while the only sound in the room was the sound of our breathing. At last, she gave a slight, hesitant nod, but it was sufficient. "Okay, Damien," she murmured. I'll give it a go for you. But you have to realise that it will take some time. I am unable to simply alter my feelings overnight."
I answered, feeling a wave of relief wash over me,"Take as much time as necessary. Whenever you're ready, you can find me waiting here." Freda's words halted me as I turned to walk away. "Damien," she called, and I turned to face her while I waited. "I appreciate that you listened."
I nodded, a tiny smile tugging at the corners of my mouth. "Anytime, Freda. At any time, you're my mate and you're mine.“
