Chapter 122

Danny’s POV
Heading out of my packhouse; there are people talking to me and I can’t hear them. My body is numb. Not numb like silver shackled to my ankles and wrists. Numb; I can’t close the big hole in my heart. I have felt this way over the past; when my Snow Blossom in the past had been killed. Claudia is still with me and we saw Dad last night. He told me again; how proud he was of me. There is still a massive hole in my heart that won’t go away.
“Alpha Daniel” Isabella calls out and I sigh, moving off the seat in the garden. “Talk to me.”
I blink back the tears, threatening to trail down my cheeks again. “He is the only man who treated me like a son” I whisper, failing to hold back my tears. “His son.”
“Can you tell me how you are feeling?” Isabella asks.
I shake my head from side to side. I’m the Alpha; how can I tell her I feel guilty, I couldn’t save Dad. How can I tell her; despite living productive lives and loving my mate for all eternity; he was the only male role model to treat me like a son. That is why I want him to be with us for the rest of eternity.
“How can I face Claudia and Mum, ever again?” I say to her. “I didn’t save him. I couldn’t save him.”
“You need to come with me to my office. We need to have a proper chat” Isabella urges. I stare at her blankly before nodding my head in response and follow behind her.
Closing the door behind me, Isabella sits behind her desk. “You are feeling guilty. You didn’t shoot Kingsley. This is not your fault” she tells me. “I am sensing, this is more than Alpha Henry dying. What is causing your pain?”
“I-I can’t” I stammer; **“Danny wait”** Jesse shouts, which I ignore; retreating in my mind and pushing him forward. I hear Jesse yelling; ‘What the hell?’ before putting up the barricade; locking myself away.
……….
Jesse’s POV
“Bella. Hi” I say with the biggest grin, I could muster.
“Jesse” Isabella replies; her lips pursed together. “Please tell me; what Alpha Daniel is thinking and feeling? I can’t help him if he doesn’t open up to me.”
‘What is this? Stupid question day? How do you think he is feeling?’ I say to myself, shifting my position on the chair. “He is not taking Pappa Wolf’s death very well” I answer her.
“That I can see. He has handled death before. What makes Alpha Henry’s death different. From the rumours going around; he can still see him. Death is but an event and he can visit those who have died. His mother and grandmother I know he has seen; Alpha Henry will be waiting for him in Amanda’s sanctuary” Isabella explains.
“I have been telling him the same thing” I sigh, sucking in a deep breathe. “Danny has never really had a male role model he could look up to. Not all his fathers were as bad as James and tortured him; but they were not loving like Pappa Wolf. This is why Pappa Wolf’s death has really affected him; more so than anyone else. He describes it, the same as losing Honey Cakes.”
“I see” Isabella states, writing something down in her notepad.
“Bella; he needs time to mourn. We need to give him that time” I tell her, while she continues writing in her notepad.
I stand up and turn to face the doorway; “where are you going?” Isabella asks.
“To tell Claudia; Danny has once again barricaded himself” I reply; heading out the door and up the stairs to our room. “Honey Cakes?” I call out as I open the door.
“Jesse? What’s going on?” Claudia answers, taking a seat on the sofa. “Is Danny, ok?”
‘Yep; it’s stupid question day’ I chuckle to myself. “Since I am here; No Danny is not ok” I answer her as she takes a step toward me.
“What do you mean, he’s not ok. He doesn’t get the luxury of withdrawing when I need him the most. How dare he…” “Hey don’t shoot the messenger” I snap, mid-sentence of her rant; getting out of the sofa and putting my arms around her. “He has never been good at handling his emotions and withdraws when he needs to fix them. This is one of those…” “tim…”
I stop to see where I was; “Snow Blossom?” Danny sighs, turning his face away from her.
“Don’t Snow Blossom me! Why are you hiding from me?” Claudia spits, folding her arms and tapping her foot in front of Danny, waiting for his response.
“I’m not hiding from you. I’m hiding from Isabella and every other person who wants to tell me, how sorry they are for our loss and it wasn’t my fault. It is my fault. I was three feet in front of him. If I wasn’t Dad would still be alive” Danny spits back, getting off the ground.
“And if you were next to him. Craig would have killed you, instead” Claudia screams at him.
“Good. I would have preferred me, then Dad” Danny bellows back. My head is imitating, watching a tennis match between the pair; stopping on Claudia’s shocked face at the blow Danny just retorted.
“Children” we hear a boom from the side of the sanctuary; as Pappa Wolf comes over to them. “Why are you arguing? Here of all places.”
“Because we can’t argue in our room. Danny has barricaded himself; yet again” Claudia snipes back, turning to face Amanda. “Send me back.”
With a flash of light, Claudia leaves the sanctuary. “Danny?” Pappa wolf turns, looking for an explanation. “What’s wrong?”
“What’s wrong?” Danny snarls, looking at his father-in-law. “You’re dead and there was not a goddess damn thing, I could do about it. The only father figure, I could look up to.”
Before Danny could react, Pappa Wolf pulled him into an embrace and his sobs echoed throughout the sanctuary. “I will always be here for you, my son” Pappa Wolf coos in a hushed tone. “I never realised your paternal figures were all like James.”
“Not all of them. Teancum’s father left when I was 5; I never knew him and my mother raised me. Harold’s father was a drunk. He never hit me, but he was never conscience enough to do anything. Liam and Patrick’s father were like James; an odd punch here and there. I could put it down to alcoholism for them too” Danny explains softly, in the crook of Pappa Wolf’s neck. “You said when I first came to the Cedar Pack, you were going to show me how a father should treat his son. You did; at least that is how I treated my children. I never wanted to be like any of my fathers.”
“I’m happy to hear that, son” Pappa Wolf states, a tear trickling down his cheek as Danny takes a seat on the grassy floor.
“I think” Danny pauses; “no, I know this is why, your death has affected me with the same feelings I had when Elsie, Vonny and Elly were killed. Heather was killed the same time as me; I don’t remember feeling lost with her death.”
“A death of a beloved family member can be excruciating. I have had my fair share of losing family members. You and Claudia have an advantage; you can still see and talk to us. Others don’t have that option” Pappa Wolf explains, taking a seat next to him.
“What do I do now?” Danny questions, another tear trickling down his face. I trot over and nudge my nose into his chest.
“You can start by not blaming yourself for what happened” I tell him, giving him a grin. “And go talk to Claudia. She is pissed at you for saying you wanted to die instead of Pappa Wolf and leaving her stranded with a toddler” Amanda includes, nudging Danny’s leg.
“I fucked up, didn’t I?” Danny asks.
“Yes” Amanda, Pappa Wolf and I answer together. “Claudia is hurting just as much as you are. You need to be there for her” Amanda adds as Danny stands up; letting out the breath he was holding.
“You can send me back” he states, looking down at Amanda. She nods and a flash of light sends both Danny and I back to our room.