36. It is Okay

Lilith

I stood in the shower until the water ran cold. I had already cleaned my body to the point it was rubbed raw. Now I was just making sure time passed. What Kali had done was horrible, though she didn’t see it that way. She had done what she had to ensure the safety of others at least that was her reasoning as she killed the others. The man responsible for Eric’s leg that was revenge. The way she had done it so savagely was what was wrong. I had tried to tell her that, but it didn’t stop her or even make her consider doing anything else.

Then she had dragged the culprit back like it was a dam trophy. I knew what she wanted. She wanted to show everyone including Eric and his wolf Axel she had gotten retribution for his injury. She wanted the world to know she would protect her alpha and mate, to the point of violence. The death she inflicted was not something new to me. She had killed in the past, but it was not revenge it was just her desire at that time. That is when Rob came up with a plan to help me.

I felt bad about not having enough control to stop her, back then when she had killed. I didn’t have control again when she murdered the men in the woods. I wish she had made it fast at the very least, but she hadn’t. She was malicious and vicious dragging the thing out. Killing the adult children in front of their fathers slowly. They knew she was not a normal wolf. They knew something was unnatural about her, but none of them had lived to tell anyone. The identity of our kind was not at risk of getting out. I was thankful for that. When she had killed the people in the city when I was younger, she had left evidence, and it had been on the news, that there was a wild animal roaming the city, putting all the shifters that were close by at risk.

I was at least thankful I would not have to face that kind of knowledge getting out widely. These murders had happened deep in the backwoods, far away from the pack lands. The cold water stung the skin I had scrubbed raw. I sighed. Kali spoke in my head. “Lilith I am not sorry, they deserved it. They would kill this whole pack if they had the chance, and for what to sell our pelts, that would never happen though would it. You would all shift back to your human form and the existence of shifters would get out. You should be thanking me. This whole dam pack should thank me. I did them a fucking service. I avenged the alpha and took care of a potential threat.”

She was right about all of that. But the problem was the manner in which she had gone about it. “Don’t give me that shit. You liked it when I got revenge for Axel and Eric. You felt satisfied as he trembled in terror watching his companions suffer before he did. You liked as I tore him apart slowly. You can’t fucking lie to me; we are two parts of a whole.” She was right of course; I had felt good about what she had done to that fucker. I reveled in his fear, pain, and death. But the others I knew they were a threat, but I had no intention of killing them. Even if they needed to be put down, but Kali made them suffer that was where my feeling of disappointment stemmed.

“Let’s just move on. It is done now; we can go back to our routine.” Kali said in my head. There was nothing more I could even say about the matter. She was right, life had to go on. I couldn’t change what had happened. I would just have to live with it. Besides I had school tomorrow and I couldn’t act like I had been a part of a brutal murder. I had to go back to being a senior in high school. I exited the shower and went to the closet in the back of the bathroom. Grabbing some leggings and cropped band t-shirt. My black hair I put up into a messy bun. Making sure I took as much time as possible getting ready to sleep. It was Sunday and I was so tired at this point I would need to sleep most of the day.

I brushed my teeth extra hard trying to erase any trace of the blood that had been in my mouth. I looked at my reflection in the mirror. I had bags under my eyes. It had been a long night, and it was already almost midday. I finally exited the bathroom. Eric was propped up in bed. The bed looked clean, though there was still blood stains on the floor. “You were in there a long time.” He said to me. His voice was clear and didn’t seem to have any anger in his tone. I crawled onto the bed immediately knowing this mattress was different form the one we had before I ruined it.

This one was much firmer. “I had them bring one of the mattresses from one of the empty rooms. We will have to go pick out a new one for our room.” Eric said. “The carpet will also need to be replaced. There was no way to get all the blood out.” Great not only had I made a spectacle I had made it, so our room needed to be upgraded. “You should sleep Lilith.” Eric said. I wanted to do just that, but I couldn’t really induce sleep. Lying next to him, I couldn’t help but replay our conversation.

I worried he thought I was some kind of monster now. That Kali and I were just as bad as the other Draco shifters. I had so many fears and they were making sleep elude me. I wanted to talk but, I didn’t think now was the time. He needed to think, his lack of speaking as I laid there, eyes wide open looking at the celling, told me that. He was either thinking over everything or mind linking people in his pack. I wanted to talk. Maybe it was time I called Rob.

He understood me, he knew mine and Kali’s past. He would never judge me and he had a way about him that calmed me and didn’t make me feel like an insane murderous shifter. At least in the past that is how he was. I hoped he would still be like that. I rose from the bed grabbing my phone from the nightstand. “Where are you going?” Eric asked. I turned to him. He looked concerned. “I just need some time alone.” I said and after an awkward silence he nodded. I rushed from the room. I needed to find a place to be alone and have privacy when I talked to my makeshift father.

I finally came to a weird room I had found in the basement. It was a cellar, and I noticed no one was around. I wondered how often people even came down here. I found a place near the back and slumped to the floor pulling out my phone. I hoped that I would receive signal down here. I was thankful when I heard the line ringing. Then Robs voice came through the phone. “Lilith how are you doing?” He asked. Hearing his voice I finally broke down, crying. “Hey hey what is wrong?” He asked. “She did it again Rob. Kali killed.” I choked out between sobs. Rob was not silent at all. “That is okay, it will be okay Lilith.” I smiled despite the tears flooding out of my tired eyes.

He always knew what to say. “Tell me what happened.” He said and I went over the whole thing explaining everything from Eric being injured to Kali hunting down those responsible. “Those assholes should have fucking died. Poachers are the worst kind of people.” I sighed my tears had dried up. “But the way she did it Rob.” I spoke. He was calm “Lilith, you know she can be like this, but unlike last time the men had been bad. She did the world a favor. It was not like last time, where she had just lost her temper and control. This was controlled though, malicious, but still controlled. This is what I call a victory.”

I said to him “A victory? That is what you are calling this?” He sighed on the other side of the line. “I am not saying it was necessarily a great way to kill people, but yes it was a victory she had got justice, she protected others and even innocent animals, she targeted those guilty of crimes and only them. This is a victory she steered her violent tendencies toward people who actually deserved to die. I know you are struggling by the manner in which she did it. But I think this was not as bad as it has been in the past and you need to recognize that.”

Rob went on. “Lilith you know Kali and you are different. You should not be feeling guilty right now. You need to accept what you cannot change and see this for what it was. This was Kali exerting her nature in a controlled manner. This is the best thing we could hope for.” I nodded. I knew where he was coming from. “Why don’t you come to the gym tomorrow after cheer practice. I think you maybe some company that understands you would help, and I want to give you a hug. I would do it now, but you are not here.” I smiled a little. “I think I would like that.”

I said “but it has to be a short visit. I have training here after school.” Rob responded, “How is that compared to the gym.” I laughed I didn’t feel like it was right to tell Rob how weak the pack was. I didn’t know why but it didn’t seem right. So instead, I just told him. “It is fine Rob.” He then said, “Alright well get some rest okay Lilith I can hear it in your voice you are tired.” I nodded and said. “Thanks Rob, I will see you tomorrow.” “Love you.” I smiled again. “I love you too.” The call ended and almost immediately I fell asleep where I was.