86. Kali We Are Safe

Lilith

I laid there in our bed. Eric held my hand. I didn’t want to spoon, I just wanted to lay flat on my back. My stomach was super sore. The bruising was bad. Eric had not talked much after I got into his sweats and one of his long sleeve shirts. I had spent a long time brushing my teeth and my hair. Getting tangles out was a challenge. But I was clean and dressed and warm, and I needed that.

I reached out to Kali. We had stopped talking a few days into being imprisoned. “Kali?” I called out to her in my mind. She didn’t respond. I knew she was angry at herself. I had never had her act this way. She wanted to preserve both of us, but while imprisoned I was the one who held out. Whenever Bowie would get close, she would fight to shift knowing he wouldn’t rape us when she was a wolf. I told her to stop over and over again, that if he did, it wouldn’t matter, and we would get out of here and Eric and Axel would understand. I honestly felt ashamed of myself for saying it, but I couldn’t handle her forcing shifts so often.

I would be thrashed around the cell, I worried she would accidentally kill us both with forcing the shift. I didn’t want to die. But she said it was death or escape nothing else would happen. We disagreed and on it went. I think Bowie knew I would where her down after the first few times he came to feed. That she would lose hope, and he would only have access to me. I didn’t know why he was so obsessed with me. I didn’t do anything other than date him when I was younger. But here he was locking me up calling me his. “Kali, I want to talk to you please.” I reached out in my mind.

“Lilith your nails are gone because of me, your body, it is all my fault.” She said finally. I knew it was her fault. The day my nails came off she was forcing a shift it had been brutal. Bowie came in and instead of feeding he went to kiss me, and I moved away from him, enraging him, he bit into my face and fed right by my mouth. It was grotesque and Kali she started thrashing and he let go as my body fought for control. He left us there and Kali did manage to shift after breaking all of my nails off on the cell walls. That is when she tried to kill us. She bit into her own chest. I had watched her do it from her own eyes. She wanted to end us.

“Kali, I am not mad for you preserving us. You know without you Bowie would have had his way.” She didn’t say anything. “Kali I am not mad at you, we survived right we are here. You can see Axel when you want, we can run in the woods, hell we can get into a massive car chase.” I said in my mind trying to get her to come back. “Lilith, I tried to kill us.” She yelled at me in my head. “Yes, you did, but you were unsuccessful. Now who is more powerful.” I was smug about it trying to bring out that fighting spirit. It only had ever happened that once. Even after I had managed to make her stop, she still kept forcing shifts. “Lilith this is all my fault, I should have been strong enough to kill Bowie, when we first got out of the cell.”

I told my wolf. “Kali, you couldn’t I don’t think Eric could have, you saw him he drained 8 people in one go, in a matter of moments. You protected us, I have shame to you know. You think I like to know that I was so weak I would have let Bowie rape me so you wouldn’t force me to shift. How pathetic is that?” Kali said “Yeah, but you had a hope we would get out and that Eric and Axel would learn to deal with it. You were willing to be strong and wait it out and I, I was pathetic. I was so scared of that he would break you that I broke you. I destroyed you, I tried to kill you.” I relaxed my body. “Kali, I need you to snap the fuck out of whatever is going on. Okay I get it you wanted me to be okay, but I wasn’t. There was no scenario I would have walked out without something horrible happening. So just move the fuck on.”

Kali went silent. That is what I planned to do. “Wallow all you want but, in a few days, you are going to shift, so get it through your fucking head. I am not going to be living with a victim mentality, and I won’t have someone who has that, in my head. So, buck the fuck up.” I dropped my link with her. She wanted to be a crybaby then so be it. Fact was I had been in a horrible situation, but it was all just physical. I could get over that, I had many times over the years. Not to this extent but I had, and I would again. I kept my eyes closed trying to get flashed of the cell out of my mind. The chill had been one of the worst things. Bowie had said I would get new clothes but that first day Kali and I attempted to get out. She shredded Eric’s shirt.

After that Bowie said no to clothes. I never got any new ones while there, so I remained naked, and the thin blanket was not enough when it was freaking late fall early wintertime in a concrete room. My stomach growled. I wanted food. But the idea of going down to the kitchen at night by myself was unnerving. “Eric” I pushed his shoulder. “What’s up Lilith?” I paused. “Can we go grab a snack?” He nodded and yawned. “Sorry I woke you up.” He shook his head standing up and stretching. “No problem love, let's get some food what you are craving?”

The word craving made me take a deep breath. Oh, yeah with everything I forgot I could be having a baby. A shutter went through me. I was on the shot and had gotten it updated on a better schedule now how was it possible I was pregnant at all. I remember what Eric said, I could miscarry. I didn’t know how to feel about that. “I think I want a peanut butter and honey sandwich.” I said and he smiled. “Your wish is my command.” I gave him a soft smile and followed him out of the room.