Chapter 122: I Miss Them
Chapter 122: I Miss Them
Camilla
I continued to shake but I ended up closing my eyes and curling my hands into fists, trying to stop the seemingly never ending trembling in them. I started by tightening every muscle across my shoulders and upper arms, holding it like that until the mental clock in my brain told me it was time to let go.
I let out a long breath as I relaxed and loosened my muscles but the nausea and spinning never left. So I did it again, this time with the ends of my toes. I did it again and again, I forced myself to breathe, drowning out everything around me except for my tense limbs and the gentle touch of Nancy's hand on my arms.
It took me a long time to regain control over my body once again and then I was able to stand on my own. The shaking ended up continuing for hours afterwards, only this time, I wasn't alone. I know Nancy had so many questions and we had a lot to talk about later but she put no pressure on me to do anything as she walked me to my room.
Somehow, I managed to make sure my now slightly dusty dress was hung up carefully in its hanger, not bothering to put on anything else as I collapsed onto the bed. There was a long list of things I would worry about later but for now, I let a different kind of darkness consume me, one known as the promising hands of sleep.
************
This is the fourth day in a row that I haven't seen nor spoken to my men. I worked every single one of those days in the club but never once did they show at the bar either. Even though they made themselves viably scarce, somehow I could still sense they were close by the entire time.
I was very appreciative of that because they were doing it for me and respecting my wishes. Gregorio texted me the next day after I left their house that Raphael is gone like I asked him to but I didn't respond to his message. I was surprised at how much I truly missed them, I wasn't lying when I said I needed some time to think.
There had been so much on my mind that I needed to sort out, as well as determine if I could even continue on with our relationship. I took the time to think about my father, my mother and most importantly, my men. After my stream of tears a few days ago, as awful as it was to endure, it also forced me to realize something. It helps me to realize that I can't live without my men, I just simply can't.
Maybe I am just in too deep but as supportive as Nancy was, it honestly wasn't my bed I wanted to return for the night. I have felt cold every single night I have been on my own and it only got worse with every passing hour that I realized I still wanted them. They had a lot of making up to do with their lies and I still had questions I needed to ask but I am not ready to know what we have going on anytime soon.
My decision only hit me tonight and it was one of the realizations that made me lay awake at two in the morning, wishing everything could just fix itself. I know we will still have things to work through but that could be a problem for another day. Right, I just wanted to see them even if it was late and the sky was painted black. I honestly don't care at this point.
There were only three thoughts currently on my mind and with that, nothing was able to stop me as I got into my car and drove straight to the very people I couldn't get out of my head. With a glance at Adriano's ring on my finger, I walked past the night guards stationed around the gates of their mansion and walked right inside.
I tried to keep quiet as I closed the door behind me, smiling to myself at the sight of the entryway or more so the memories it holds. Even though he didn't scream, the very fact that Raphael was caught off guard for once in his sorry life brought more pride to myself than it probably should.
Thankfully, there didn't seem to be a trace of him as I walked farther inside, shrugging off the long coat I wear overtop of my nightgown. I didn't bother to take the time to change into something better, I was dying to see them.
The house felt dark and large with me being the only one walking around but I won't be leaving now that I am here. Although, I am not exactly sure what to do now that I am here. My first instinct is to go straight upstairs but the glint of the kitchen catches my attention as I walk farther into their house.
The first memory that comes to my mind is the panic I felt when I dropped into that horrible headspace the last time I was in their kitchen. It was honestly terrifying but before I knew it, I wasn't alone anymore. I soon had three amazing, comforting, yet totally lethal men by my side who would give the world to me.
I would love nothing more than to go right upstairs and tell them that despite me being angry, I don't want to live a life without them in it. It was their birthday two days ago, one that I missed and didn't bother to even send them a text. I can't believe I never knew they were turning thirty-five but ever since they told me that they don't celebrate it, I haven't been able to get it out of my mind.
So much of their childhood had been stripped away from them before they were ever granted the opportunity to get those excited feelings in your stomach right before getting to open gifts or blow out the candle on a cake.
My idea was stupid and I couldn't bake if my life depended on it but I wanted them to have something. Even if it was this pathetic excuse of a gift I am already thinking up. I cringed slightly as I googled the simplest recipe I could find on making a chocolate cake, already fearing this was going to be as disastrous as I feared but I did it anyway.
I dimmed the lights to a manageable setting, tied my hair up and began silently gathering ingredients from their refrigerator and pantry. Their kitchen was practically a maze to navigate and half of the things I needed I couldn't find but I improvised. My plug-in mixing bowl was replaced by a normal bowl and a whisk in my hand but so far, I haven't burnt, spilt or damaged anything. It was a small accomplishment I held onto for now.
I know me doing this was also partially avoiding figuring out what to say when I go upstairs but I was also content with staying here for now. Things seemed to be going well as I slid the circular tray into the oven, setting the timer according to the instructions.
At this point, I didn't even care that this was likely going to blow up in my face because honestly, I just wanted to give them something they should have had their entire life which is happiness.
I waited five minutes before my impatient got the best of me, flipping the pan over and allowing the cake to come out after being given a bit of encouragement. I winced as the edges crumbled depressingly but I did what I could to press them back on.
It was pathetic and the top was caving in slightly but I barely had time to contemplate just throwing it out before someone cleared their throat from behind me. Turning my head around to the point of slight dizziness, I found Domenico's inked arm resting against the counter across me, no shirt to cover the muscles scaling his chest.
For a moment, I froze up, standing there like a deer in the headlights as my gaze met his.
"You are here?" He said quietly as if not seeming to believe I would return at all.
I could only nod, suddenly feeling extremely naked with only the thin nightgown to hug my skin. No bra, no panties. It was stupid because I have been far less around him before but things felt a lot more intimate now.
"Sorry about the mess." I stupidly mumbled, suddenly feeling conscious at how horrible the cake behind me looked and likely tasted.
He only raised an eyebrow as if to say, we both know this is about much more than some failed baking attempt.
"Did I wake you?" I asked, my hands and lower back leaning against the counter edge. He felt so close, yet so damn far away.
"I smelled food and got curious." He replied, although the bags under his eyes suggested he hadn't been sleeping much for the last few days and I didn't either.
"It doesn't matter much how, I think I will just go out and buy something…."
"You don't even realize what this means to us, especially Adriano." He began but the air was sucked from my lungs at the sight of a dark haired man nearly frozen at the bottom of the stairs.
All he wore were his rings and a pair of black sweatpants. His hair is out of place from sleep but he looks so damn sexy just like that.
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