Chapter 206: I Need Time
Chapter 206: I Need Time
Camilla
I didn't fight them when they drove me to their house and I haven't said a single word since I discovered the fresh blood hadn't been Domenico's. The drive back was awkward but after learning there had been a man working for Raphael waiting for me in my car, I didn't have much desire to talk.
In combination with the stress of everything else, all I wished to do was sleep in the hope my dreams could let me escape if even for a few minutes. We were all completely and utterly exhausted but I was too tired to care about the sideways glances I got from Gregorio or to ask about how the cut got across Adriano's forehead. There had been so much unresolved tension in their car it had felt like a blessing the second I stepped out into the parking garage, walking myself to the elevator knowing the other three were following behind.
It was Domenico who placed his hand on the scanner to gain access, soon controlling our ascent to the first floor where the door opened with a ding a few seconds later. Like the car, I was the first one out. My steps were hurried because I could feel the fissures of my heart expanding with each sharp breath, but when a hand wrapped around my arm, everything around me exploded.
"Camilla?" Gregorio pleaded softly as he tugged me back and the second I spun around to meet his chest, I wrapped my arm around him no matter how hard I wanted to push him away.
The problem with love is that it can never be black and white but that is what makes it all consuming in the ways no person can come back from. I hadn't lied when I said they were my everything and I felt Gregorio's hands pull me close by my back, I realized that my pain wasn't weakness. There was a certain kind of strength in vulnerability and I let them see me for what I am.
A little bit broken, a little scared. And forever theirs just as they would be forever mine.
This wasn't me forgiving them for their lies but merely accepting things for what they were. As I finally let myself fall apart in the place I felt safest, I gave into Gregorio's touch, knowing we didn't need to figure out any solution right now. While nothing about this was simple, I found comfort in the fact we were all here, somewhat okay but most importantly alive.
"I am so sorry, Camilla." He cried, holding me as close as our bodies would physically let us.
"I am so fucking sorry."
I could hear the pain in his words as hard as it was to understand this moment couldn't last forever, we were pretending as though it would. With Domenico and Adriano at our side, I felt okay again even if it was temporary.
"I know," I whispered against his chest, my words slightly muffled by the material of his shirt. It didn't matter because I knew he heard me.
Yesterday, he had told me the ending of his book was good but not happy. Right now, that felt a lot like our story. For better or for worse, these three men have taken the person I was and helped me to become a person I didn't believe I had in me. Before them, I wanted a love story like the ones I saw in movies and read in books but what they don't often tell you is that even those scripts are flawed. It was them who taught me it was the mistake that meant it was real.
I may still be furious with them but we could worry about everything else later. Right now, I just wanted to let ourselves be together even if it turns out our happiness ever after isn't as in reach as we had hoped it would be.
*****
Domenico
Looking out at the night sky of the city, I couldn't believe how much of it was the same. The lights of the building were still aglow and the dark still brought a peaceful kind of quiet but it felt like so much had changed for this, one thing to remain so constant. I was supposed to be sleeping right now but I simply couldn't, my mind too restless to allow me even a minute.
Camilla is back but not really. She was distant and so sad. Watching her break apart in Gregorio's arms earlier made me jealous for the first time in our relationship because I have been wanting to hold her so badly. She was in pain and it was our fault. Being overwhelmed in every way possible, I was on my own until the sound of soft footsteps made me suspect I wasn't the only one restlessly thinking about the things to come next.
Turning away from the railing of the first floor balcony, I found Camilla standing quietly at the patio doors, waiting for my permission to join me. She would never have to ask though, my answer would never change. My nod was combined with a tired sigh but I didn't wait to see if she would act on the action I already knew she had when I felt the heat of her body move to my side, copying my position and resting her firearms against the glass fencing.
For what felt like forever, we were both quie, staring out at the landscape yet fully attuned to the other's presence. It was she who spoke first because she was well aware my silence was me giving the control as to where she wanted to take this. If only either of us knew.
"I feel so small seeing the city like this." She said after some time, brushing back a strand of her hair behind her ear.
Not turning my head purposely so I didn't have to see what she was thinking, I simply listened to the sound of each of her breaths. We were so close right now, her arm was flush against mine and that on its own had my heart racing in response.
"In a good way or bad way?" I asked, my voice rough as I spoke.
It sounded as though my throat was raw from screaming, probably because it was. When I could see her shift in movement at the question, it made me bravely look over at her and when I did, I found her eye already on me. My heart clenched in a way that was proof of how much I was hurting but I still chose to keep that bit of distance between us. I didn't have the right to feel bad when I could have stopped it.
"I haven't decided yet." She admitted, looking at where our hands were nearly touching.
The desire to go to her was strong but I just don't think her mind was as ready as her heart was. I didn't want to push her or make a move to get closer but at least she wasn't completely pushing me away. That had to mean something, didn't it?
"And what about everything else?" I whispered, willing every ounce of control within me to get her peace even though I could see how much it was slowly killing her too.
She had no idea how much I wished I could lie and tell her everything would be okay between us but the truth is that I wasn't sure if that was a promise I could keep. If she could, I know she would tell me that she wasn't bothered by the fact that her father killed our mother. That she could fully trust us again to not keep secrets from her after promising for a second time we wouldn't. But that is just not the way it was, and that is the issue.
"I don't know," she shrugs helplessly.
However, it was the response I had expected all the same. We made sure her father was safe, the price of that is yet to be determined but even that wouldn't be enough to fix the things that were already so damaged. Even though it is clear she wants to forgive us, she doesn't know how to because we betrayed her in a way that isn't as easy as simply moving on. She just learned she has a brother and a whole other family she doesn't understand and while she is mad at us, I know half of her feelings are directed towards her father too.
"Taking in the tiredness of her eyes and the slight trembles of her posture, I could tell this was eating away at her for more reasons than the obvious fact that we kept secrets that aren't ours to keep.
"I know that I need time." She mumbled after a small stretch of silence but I didn't miss the way she turned so she was facing me more openly.
I would give her as long a time as she needed even though we don't have any left to spare. It didn't matter, I would give her anything she wanted if it meant soothing the pain I caused her. She surprised me when she slid her hand across the railing and slowly intertwined her fingers with mine but I made no move other to accept, too afraid to scare off what was happening.
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