Chapter 166: Allow Us To Come With You
Chapter 166: Allow Us To Come With You
Camilla
I don't think I need seven days to tell my mother I am moving on with my life but I did need some time to say goodbye. To say goodbye to my past, goodbye to my firsts, goodbye to the place that may be the setting of my nightmares but still my childhood home nonetheless.
I knew the next time I returned would be to fulfill my promises I made to myself when I was seventeen years old, yet despite all of that, I couldn't not think about how much I would miss my men.
"What time is your flight?" Adriano asked, not long after I had finished my food.
"Three o'clock in the afternoon." I responded, my heart already beating a little faster as thoughts of this reality kicked in.
I refused to show it but that didn't mean it wasn't there. I was met with a brief silence before he continued, though I didn't miss the way Gregorio one thumb began to rub idly at my thigh.
"Are you sure this is something you want to do?" He asked, trying to be casual about it but failing at hiding his distaste at the idea.
I wasn't exactly thrilled with this either, however I feared if this wasn't something I do now, I would let it eat at me until I broke again.
"Yes, I am sure." I replied even though my throat is already tightening with fear for the little girl I used to be.
He nodded in respect of that decision but there was a lot worn on his expression that told me he hated it as much as he understood it. Not bothering to add anything more, I grabbed a handful on chips, knowing this conversation wasn't done.
"We trust you more than anything, darling." Domenico began and I knew he meant every word he said, yet I was waiting for the inevitable to be added to his statement.
"But we don't feel comfortable with you leaving on your own."
It was a blow I had expected and was justified, however, I didn't know what to say to that.
"It is just that we want to keep you safe and we can't do that with you being seven hundred miles away from us."
I knew they were only being considerate but it flared a little annoyance in me despite that. It was that insecure part of me that worried I wasn't strong enough to handle things myself.
"So what? Are you asking me to stay back?" I questioned with a slight edge to my tone, refusing to make eye contact with any of them.
I knew if I did, they would see how scared I was, how much the idea of facing everything on my own made me feel queasy and small.
"No, we meant it when we said we would support you, sweetheart." Gregorio's voice said calmly, not raising his tone or showing offense by my accusation.
"We want to come with you, not hold you back."
I think the surprise on my face was what lowered Adriano's tensed eyebrows but I couldn't even fathom the idea of even one of them being in my hometown, watching them realize everything I owned was built off absolutely nothing. Having them shower in a tub too small for even a child to lay in and sleep on the floor because my single bed mattress would only fit one. Absolutely not.
Although things weren't completely bad growing up but I wasn't ready for them to bear witness to all of that, I think sometimes there are things better left unseen.
"I really appreciate that but I don't think that is a good idea." I said quietly but I know they heard me.
They heard me because Gregorio stopped eating and Domenico was looking at me as though he were reading my soul and I hated it.
"I will be fine," I lied, shifting on Gregorio's lap and not caring if they could see the fib on my tongue.
"I will call you every night and it will be fine."
I lied again but if I don't pretend, I will break like the fragile piece they are looking at me as.
******
Even after they dropped me at Nancy's house, they still insisted they would come pick me up in an hour to drive me to the airport.
'You don't need to pretend.' Domenico said as he walked me to the door.
'Maybe to others if that is what you need to get through this but never to us.'
His words haven't left my mind since I left and isolated myself in my room, my packed bag sitting in the corner like a warning sign to me.
'Just say goodbye to them over the phone, you don't owe them anything.' I said to myself, but I do owe it to myself though. That might just be the hardest damn part about this.
Letting my head hit my pillow, my tired eyes fell shut, if only for a few simple seconds. I needed it to stop the heaviness in my chest that made me feel like I couldn't breathe, I needed everything to stop.
When I was a young girl, climbing trees used to be my favorite thing to do. My mother never had enough money to buy me dolls or make-up for birthdays and Christmas but I was okay with that. Half the time, all I wanted was her attention. I can still vividly remember that February 15th and December 25th were the two times of the year she would give attention to me.
She would drive me around in her small slightly broken car and we would go searching for the largest tree I could climb. I didn't care that there was snow, in fact I liked the bare branches with less things in the way of my reach. She would sit on the grass and play the small radio she won from work years back. She would play her favorite song over and over again because it was the only tape she owned. I would climb and climb until I couldn't go any further, knowing all it would take was one misstep and everything would be over.
Back then, I didn't care, back then, my mother was happy and father was around too. I was twelve years old the last time I climbed a tree. That was when the fighting started, the drinking and the crying. There were always so many tears. I remember I would cry too sometimes just because everyone else was too young to understand it but I would cry.
Day after day, it was like I was in a cycle all the way up until the day eight men showed up at my doorstep, quietly calm but had my mother shaking and screaming my father's name. Although I couldn't figure out why, I was rushed to my room but I couldn't stop wondering if they were the men from The Matrix, adorned in the same black coats and latex pants that looked way too tight to be comfortable. My father left with them and only showed up for a short visit after that but I was okay because I knew he would always come back for me. No matter how long he disappeared, he was the one thing that never truly left even if I couldn't see him with my eyes.
I always wondered if he had been taken to some virtual underworld to fight off the bad guys like in the movies but when Edward started coming around the house, I couldn't help but wonder if he was the real bad man. He was conventionally attractive and swooped my mother off her feet after a mere week of flirtatious smiles and charming remarks, ones I was much too young to understand as a child then. It was love at first sight they said and my mother attempted sobriety because she just loved him too much.
I remember screaming that he wasn't my father and couldn't tell me what I could and couldn't do on Christmas of all days, but he took that away from me.
"It will do you some good to learn some discipline, little girl." He spat and can still feel the way his scratchy hands felt around my arm, not hard enough to bruise but I was small and easy to move.
"Edward, leave her alone." My mother waved her hand at him but I was too busy, trying to fight him off to hear his response.
'Pull at the fingers, they are always weak. Pull the thumb back and it will snap like a twig.' My father's teaching echoed in my head, I tried but I was not strong enough then.
"I know what is going to help you." Edward smiled down at me so convincingly that I almost believed he was being nice.
He walked me to my room and hauled me to where my wardrobe cabinet stood. It was small but it is not like I had a ton of clothes to fill it with anyways. I was confused when he opened it and I screamed when I was shoved inside, not understanding what was happening until the wooden doors closed and I was encased in the dark, a musty smell quickly building up in the small space.
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