Chapter 187: I Will Never Force You To Talk
Chapter 187: I Will Never Force You To Talk
Adriano
Camilla was currently curled up in my lap, her body wrapped around mine as our eyes grew swollen and our cheeks became tear stained. And even now, she was still devastatingly stunning. She was about to tell me she loves me, I could tell just by looking at her face. Yet I couldn't bring myself to feel as though I had earned that confession from her.
I wasn't supposed to fall in love especially as hard as I did but even now, I am still falling. I fell as she kissed my cheeks, I fell as her thumbs trialed along my jaw and I fell as she stared at me with the devotion I didn't deserve. I fell as she hugged me so tight, she became my lifeline and my always.
I couldn't let her go now even when every instinct inside of me begged otherwise because her village changed everything for not just Camilla, but for Gregorio, Domenico and I too. She was hurt because I wasn't there when she needed me and when I had kneeled to the ground and kissed each of her knuckles that were bleeding, I knew I couldn't be the cause of that kind of pain for her all over again. I would rather die than put her in the state she was in a week ago at her mother's house but I fear that it won't matter once the truth inevitably comes out anyways.
"Camilla, there is something I need to tell you." I choke out over my tears, repositioning us because what I was about to tell her wasn't something I was comfortable doing still inside of her.
I leaned into her touch as she continued to cup my face but even that didn't make things easier this time. Gregorio, Domenico and I had fought yet again on the trip back from her village but the option of sending her to England for the foreseeable future was no longer on the table. They gave me an ultimatum on the plane while she was asleep and I have had nightmares and panic attacks repeatedly these last five days, knowing something bad was going to happen and I wasn't going to be able to stop it.
"Anything," she whispered against my mouth, her body still shaking in my hold as she met my eyes.
I didn't know where to start or how she would react and because of that, I took the coward's way out.
"Let's clean you up first, okay?" I asked, my voice shaking slightly as did so.
The two of us just cracked open an entire history responsible for the tears I haven't let myself spill in almost two decades but I couldn't stop, especially now with her giving me the comfort I don't deserve but need more than anything. Her silent nod was enough to tell me l have her permission, moving her neck to my shoulder while her legs wrapped better around my waist.
On tired limbs, I lifted the both of us from the bed and held her close to me as I walked over to the bathroom to our left, it was slightly smaller than one at home but it would be just as efficient to take care of her in the ways we both needed.
"Bath or shower?" I asked quietly, my feet meeting the heated tile as I slowly set her down. Her response was just as quiet but I nodded stil, letting her use the bathroom while I turned on the panel to shower.
Instantly, water poured from the ceiling, the lights dimming to a deep red color that was gentle on both of our tired eyes. Technically, it was just past ten at night but the crying made it feel later for both me and likely her as well. I absently heard the flush of a toilet and the running of a sink behind me but the shower drowned out most of the sound, not that it mattered. I was frozen to the spot, staring at my reflection through the water spotted glass door.
The scar that protruded across my forehead and through my left eyebrows was the only thing I could see, the permanent reminder of my seventeenth birthday and why I could never be who I wanted to be now. There are some things you can't come back from, this was one of those things.
Anger builds tight inside of me as everything else blurs, memories piling on top of each other until I remember why I can't be with Camilla right now.
"Adriano?" A soft voice pulls me from the trance I had fallen into, the touch of her fingers against my back feeling like whipped to my mind.
I was shaking again and I knew she noticed it too. While the feeling of her hand pressed against my skin helped, I wouldn't risk losing control around her ever.
"I think we need to call Domenico or Gregorio to come get you, Princess." I said, knowing she shouldn't be here right now. This was a mistake and one that could get bad quickly if she didn't leave right now.
A puff of air left my nose as her touch removed from my back but she didn't move away like she was supposed to. Instead, she reached around me and opened the shower door, gesturing for me to get in. There was a hardness in her eyes that told me she wasn't asking and it was so unlike her it made me smile for a second as I stepped inside now slightly distracted.
I didn't have to look to see her getting in behind me, my muscles still strained and my heart tense from its rapid beating. Things were quiet for a while as the sound of the glass door swung closed but the next time something was spoken, it wasn't from my mouth.
"Get on your knees." I heard her say, her voice soft but not weak.
When I turned to look at her in surprise, I found she was being dead serious, watching patiently and waiting for me to listen to her. I tilted my head in confusion as her words settled in but with furrowed brows, I obeyed. Kneeling right in front of one of the shower heads, I gave in as water began to soak my dark hair, the rest of my body along with it.
The tile was rough against my knees but I could barely feel it as all of my attention became focused on where my girl was going with this. Taking my shampoo, she made me watch as she carefully soaked her strands under the waterfall-like stream, lathering my scent into them only a second later. She kept her eyes on me the entire time as white bubbles slipped between her fingertips, massaging her scalp and doing everything I should be doing.
But still, I didn't protest as she still ordered me to step back until the water flowed against her body, the finished shampoo coursing over her shoulders, down the curve of her breasts across the planes of her stomach and along the Inside her her thighs. All she was doing was standing there but her heated gaze was like a physical caress as it held on me. Staying perfectly still for her, I waited until she was conditioned too before she took the first step towards my lowered body.
Surprisingly, in the time it took her to take care of herself, my trembling has managed to ease to a manageable extent and my sense sharpening on the sound of the water, the sight of her body, the feeling of the ground and the scent of my shampoo being pour into her hands all over again.
"Tilt your head back." She ordered and I obeyed, craning my neck so that when her fingers first touched me again, the soap wouldn't drip into my eyes.
"What we have, Adriano…." She started, running her hands through my hair.
"It is a two way street."
She never once broke eye contact with me as she shifted closer, my mouth planting a single kiss to her stomach to show l was listening. To say I was sorry.
"You keep hiding yourself from me and that is okay but you are not allowed to leave anymore without a note." She said, no longer asking.
"I will never force you to talk but you can't treat me like something fragile and incapable of handling things by your side."
She was not fragile or incapable, I had never doubted that but there is so much she still doesn't know. It was the reason I wouldn't let myself indulge in her love even if this entire thing was my fault. I didn't speak as she continued to brush her fingers thoroughly through my hair, falling into her touch now instead of retracting from it. This wasn't her fault and everything she was saying was right.
"I know something bad is happening with work whether you will admit it or not and one day I won't you shut me out about it anymore."
I tensed at her words all over again but she was tipping my head back this time herself as the bubbles from my shampoo were gradually washed away back into the drain. My instincts wanted to protest the idea of her knowing anything more than what little we have told her but I know that is not fair to either of us. Especially to her, she has the right to know the truth.
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