Chapter 190: Peace Found Me
Chapter 190: Peace Found Me
Adriano
"The after party when only people close to our family remained gathered, then the more important gifts were offered as acts of servitude towards me considering I would be in charge of everything."
Act of servitude I never wanted or asked for.
"Close to the end of the night, there was a toast to the greatness that would one day follow with my leadership." I curled my lips in disgust, remembering all of those details much too clearly.
"And the drink that was handed to me had been spiked with drugs without my knowledge."
My eyes fell shut as her hands froze in my hair but I couldn't bring myself to see whatever emotions were strongly worn across her face right now.
"It wasn't until about twenty minutes later, I began to feel it in my system but with it combined with the alcohol, it hit me really bad. Harder than what I think was intended."
I could already feel my throat begin to tighten and my mouth dry just talking about it, even when I felt her fingers try to soothe me.
"I think Raphael was intentional in keeping my brothers distracted elsewhere then because he knew they would realize something was off and there was no one there to help me when three women approached me."
With a tear falling from my still closed eyes and down my cheeks, I stopped hiding.
"Nobody questioned it when they led me away, saying they were there to show me what it meant to be a man as an initiation gift from my father. But Raphael didn't do his research, one of them was a hired prostitute and the other two were the sisters of a man whose blood I had been soaked with only hours previously by my own hand."
Taking in a shaky breath through my nose, I at least looked at her to see her crying quietly with me, her own eyes shut with sadness as her head rested back against the headboard.
"Raphael couldn't stand the fact that I Iiked men and when the drug had me nearing unconsciousness…."
I had to stop as a sob threatened to wrack its way past my lips.
"They held me down, the drug inside the alcohol was known to make people feel aroused as a side effect. I couldn't even choose how I wanted to feel at that moment."
My throat was clogged up with every emotion I hated most about myself but I kept going regardless of the nausea creeping up my throat.
"At least the prostitute was kind enough to wear a condom." I chuckled but the sound was dry and humorless.
"The sisters, however, wanted something more. They knew the consequences of killing me would be incomprehensible so instead, they left me permanently scarred as a reminder of what I did to their brother."
My fingers numbly brushed over the scar that protrude over the right side of my face and I know it is a violent memory I will never be able to truly escape. I let my tears fall this time as I reached for her hand, kissing her palm to show I was okay. I hated that she was crying for me even though I was too.
"I have had a long time to try and recover from it but some things just don't go away." I said, squeezing her fingers with mine.
"Domenico found me though, there were a lot of parts about that night I still can't remember. But I do know he was the only reason I got through it even when I wasn't able to think straight for a couple of days afterward."
This was the part I never wanted to tell her because I didn't want her to fear or hate me but through the blur of tears in her eyes, I saw the same burning hatred in her I still feel sometimes.
"The doctors weren't sure for a long time if I would ever be able to see out of this eye again that night but they said I was apparently lucky. The whole thing was covered up but I wasn't done with any of it."
Watching her carefully, I just knew by looking at her face I could tell her everything. Sometimes there were no pretty parts to stories but that was okay.
"The price of the night was paid with their lives and though I was young and irresponsible then, I still feel very little regret for my actions.
Sighing and turning onto my stomach to see her better, I was relieved to find she wasn't upset with me from my confession and because of that, I continued.
"The only problem was I paid a price too."
Reaching up to wipe some of the tears from her face, I offered a small smile even though there was nothing happy about this.
"In some sick way, I can't feel another man's touch now intimately because it hurts too damn much to have the reminder of the things that had been taken. The things….the things that…."
I couldn't finish my sentence and this time as everything went deafening silence, I knew I wouldn't be able to.
"Adriano?" Her voice spoke shakily for me, taking my face into her hands as she sniffed from the tears that matched mine.
She looked like she wanted to tell me she was sorry what I had gone through all that. That she didn't hate me for those women's deaths and that she loves me either way. I prayed it was all true but when she pulled me over her and flipped me onto my back, there was no doubt that I didn't need a god to be reassured. I felt the weight of her body purposely pressing down on top, hugging me as her head nestled against my neck.
"Thank you for telling me," she said through her tears, my arms wrapping firmly around her and taking in everything she gave.
"It may not always seem like it but you will never be alone again, Adriano."
Letting my eyes close, I just let everything come out. Yes, I still focused on her smell, the feeling of her skin against mine and the sound of her pained words but I also let a little bit of myself heal by talking. I guess what she said had been right, with my girl held tight in my arms right now, it was impossible to feel alone ever again.
"I love you always," she softly whispered against my ear, giving me back a piece of myself that I have needed for eighteen long years.
"I love you more, My Princess." I cried, feeling my heart beat not just for her but for us.
"Always," I added.
That night, not a single nightmare had found me. That night I fell asleep with her by my side. That I kept like a new born baby who had no worries, no burdens. That night, the peace I thought I never needed, found me. She is my peace and I am never letting go no matter who I had to face, including Raphael Jaxson.
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