Chapter 181: I Just Want To Forget
Chapter 181: I Just Want To Forget
Camilla
Is everything okay up here, Camilla?" Gregorio asked as his pointer finger gently tapped my head twice, my weight shifting so I could look up at him.
"Yes, I am good." I replied and my words are truthful too.
There is a lot that isn't good in my life at the moment but right now, I was content just curling up with them and enjoying every second of being back here again.
"Is there anything we can do to help otherwise?" Domenico said quietly against my neck, his head resting against me as he relaxed.
The sight was kind of cute and I saw Gregorio smile down at us when he noticed too, his fingers finally moving from my hair over to the side of my face. I wasn't sure if they had slept at all last night but they seemed just as happy doing this as they were holding me on the plane earlier.
"Darling?" Domenico's voice drew me out of my thoughts, reminding me u never answered his question.
"Sorry," I smiled, lightly kissing his jaw before slowly moving to get up from Gregorio's lap.
"I am okay for now, I think I am just going to use the bathroom and try to go back to sleep."
I instantly miss the comfort of their warmth as I slide my feet to the floor but I can still feel both of their eyes on me as I move towards the bathroom.
"We will be here," Gregorio said as he adjusted himself on the bed, Domenico moving to lay on his left instead of remaining horizontal across the mattress.
The fact that I knew they would was a nice feeling and I kept that in my heart as I took care of what I needed to do before moving to wash my hands in the sink. The bathroom was just as bright and open as the rest of the owner's room, but my gaze snagged on the mirror as I saw just how horrible I looked.
Every bit of my face reflected the hell I had been through this last week and I quietly groaned as the water fell over my shorter than usual fingernails. Just the pressure of gliding the soap over the stung to the point of more tears, though things felt a little better as the dried blood was removed and washed painfully down the drain.
By the time I realized I had the sink on for far too long, my hands were shaking yet again and it took a lot of effort to steady them. Even then, the next time my eyes met my reflection in the mirror, they were glazed over with the tears l begged myself not to let fall. I was so sick of crying.
"Camilla?" Gregorio's voice softly called out against the door and the sound caused me to shut off the tap abruptly.
"Can I come in, sweetheart?" He asked for the second time in twenty-five minutes, making me realize just how long I have been in here.
My mouth opens to respond but this time when I blink, things are a little blurry. I recognize the feeling of nausea a second before it hits, running to the toilet as the sensation of throwing up overlooks my body. I heard the sound of the door opening as my chest aches from dry heaving but what was worse was the combination of overwhelming dizziness that made me feel like passing out.
When I suddenly found myself in Gregorio's arms on the floor, a part of me thought I did.
"Shh," he gently coos and it is only then I realized the wetness on my face was a result of my own tears.
"You are fine now."
No sound would even come out of my mouth as I cried but my eyes pinched shut as an ice cold cloth was pressed to my forehead in contrast to the clamminess of my skin. Things seemed as if they were passing me in short flashes and I couldn't tell if I was having a panic attack or not. All I know is that I wasn't as okay as I thought I was.
"When was the last time you ate?" Domenico asked and I slowly became aware it was him who was holding the cloth to my head.
I wanted to respond but I couldn't even think about the answer to his question. The truth is that I didn't know and thank seemed to be indication enough that it had been a while. Somehow Domenico figured that out through my crying and shaking on his own and he was moving before I could ask him to stay.
"He is just grabbing you some food and probably something to drink." Gregorio said, holding both my hand and the rest of my body tight to his chest.
I could feel how fast his heart was pounding and I knew I had scared him despite the calm expression he tried to wear. This was the third time today they have had to see me like this and I hated it so much it made me cry harder. I broke apart into an absolute mess yet again and I had no idea when it would stop.
"Are you okay with me picking you up?" He asked as he placed my arms around his neck, standing when he see my small nod against his shoulder.
The cloth of my forehead slips with the movement but he catches it and ends up carrying me out with one hand while the other holds the back of my neck gently. Each of his touches are delicate and comforting and I tried to focus on that as he grabbed a blanket from the chair by the window before sitting both of us down on it.
Turning me, he situated us so that my back is pressed against his front with my head tipped on his shoulder. Only a second later is a blanket being smoothed over me, being tucked in at my sides to keep me warm even though I felt like I was burning up not long ago.
"Thank you," I somehow managed to say, wishing things could just be easy again.
I wanted Adriano to not be gone and I wanted the blissful ignorance of believing my mother might love me to still exist. I don't want to admit the fact that my father is still missing or think about what all of the stuff I found could mean. There was so much I didn't want but Gregorio and Domenico were all I needed right now even if a third of their group wasn't here.
"What can I do, sweetheart?" Gregorio asked, stroking my hair in a loving way while his other hand wrapped around my midsection.
I felt inexplicably close to him right now in more ways than one but the feeling of his touch just about perfectly balanced the feeling of being held emotionally as well. Things would be so much easier if there was just one simple fix to this all but I knew what I feared was true. Time was the only long term medicine for my pain.
"I just want to forget." I half whispered half cry against his shoulder and I felt his grip tighten on me just a little more as if pulling me even that millimeter close would help.
A part of me wondered if it did because like earlier, things slowly began to feel a little easier again. That didn't change the fact that I was still uncontrollably crying and shaking beneath his fingertips. But I think this kind of reaction from me is bound to happen at some point.
I used to channel all of my pain into anger to avoid how I was really feeling, the only difference now is that I feel safe enough to fall apart, knowing there is already someone there to catch the piece. There are three people actually even if Adriano isn't physically by my side.
"Do you remember what I promised you about this window?" Gregorio asked after a small stretch of time, his words catching me so off guard every thought of mine paused for a second.
"W..what?" I stuttered through my tears, my head turning a little to see where his hand was moving the curtain back inch by inch until I could see the glass.
It was the very place he promised he would one day fuck me against but why was he bringing it up now, it seemed incomprehensible to me.
"I lied," he whispered into my ear, lifting my hand with his before pressing it against the freezing cold panel.
"I said I would take my time with you until I had you begging for more than was a lie."
My mouth parted slightly as I felt his warm breath brush across my neck, my tears slowing as my head became consumed by an entirely different emotions.
"With this glass cold, I bet you would be clamping down around me so tight. It would be impossible not to give into everything you desired."
"Gregorio," I murmured, wiping away some of my tears with my shoulders as I felt him smile against me.
The weight on my chest began to dissolve with every passing second of his spoken fantasy and I soon realized why he was doing it. He was distracting me like I asked even though I had expected more kisses across my forehead.
This method seemed to be a hell of a lot more effective but now I am turned on and my face is red for new reasons.
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