Chapter 264: She Will Be Fine
Chapter 264: She Will Be Fine
Adriano
I knew Camilla was hurting and today was a breakthrough with her but we still had a long way to go before we could even attempt at rebuilding what we had lost. That was okay, though. I could be patient if that is what she needed to get through this. I could also be her distraction for a thousand lifetime and die a perfectly happy man.
I had a feeling that this wouldn't be the last time memories were made down here with the stubborn little thing that was probably now upstairs, urging her body to sleep so she could stop thinking about me. Something about that thought made me smirk to myself, deciding to take the elevator all the way up to the second floor where I knew both of us were sleeping tonight.
On the way up, I considered what this meant for our future and if it changed anything between us but I also decided that I would be okay if it didn't. She was one of the strongest women I knew and even if it is without me, she will get through this. We may not have found Ofomata tonight but the hunt was on now. Our men were still out there looking for them even though my brothers and I decided to call it in for the night.
Walking down the quiet dark hall towards her room, I only stop at the door where I know she is on the other side, crouching down and leaving her items there for her to find when she is ready in the morning.
'I hope she will be able to sleep again.' I thought as I stood back up, placing my hands in my pocket in resignation.
I planned to walk away, I really truly did but then I heard something I didn't want to hear, something that made my heart tighten in an ugly way. After a few seconds, I heard the muffled sob again and I knew she was crying then. It was unmistakable because it was the one sound I despised most, hating that I had caused these ones. The realization hit me like a blow to the chest because there was only one reason I could think of right now to pull those sounds from her mouth. She regretted it.
There was no doubt about it, otherwise I wouldn't be able to picture every aspect of her behind this door right now, pained cries being suppressed by a hand or pillow. I couldn't leave now as I heard the sound come again and again, a bleeding heart draining from my tainted touch. My body sank to the ground with my back against her door, listening to what I caused as the minutes passed by with the hand of a ticking clock.
I stayed until the sob reduced to pained sniffles, then to a deafening silence, waiting until I knew she was asleep before I entered my room. I didn't have permission like I agreed to but I didn't want her awake to see that I cared for her so unfathomably, keeping my steps silent as I walked towards the bed. Even in the dark, I could see her back was away from me, sleeping soundly now despite the truth I knew from before.
She was a fighter caught in a sea of dead ends, not knowing where to go, what to say and how to be. Tonight I had been the wave to knock her down and I hated that so much I just wish I never woke up from my nightmare, that I could have continued to have it play on repeat throughout the night if it meant preventing what came afterwards.
She had said yes, she had wanted it but she hadn't been ready for it. I should have known that even though there was no changing it now. Fading back in the time wasn't a possibility but the choices I make now were.
Walking around the bed, I found her sleeping from barely covered from her blankets, one hand beneath her pillow to cushion her head while the other draped loosely over her stomach. With her hair still in the same tight braid as before, I wanted ever so desperately to unwind it, to give her every bit of comfort I could but that would be proof that I had come to her room and she wasn't ever going through to know about this visit.
I settled instead for the lock of hair curling close to her mouth, reaching forward and gently tucking it away before I could see a single unfallen tear shining against her cheek. That too I brushed back, cleaning her of her sadness and wishing I could just hold her right now. She looked peaceful in rest, only I knew just how fragile she was awake.
Watching her stir ever so slightly beneath my touch, I smiled sadly as I continued to brush her hair back like a silent lullaby for us both. Even in sleep, she sensed my presence as over time her body shifted closer to me, nuzzling into my hand where I stroked her. She was so painfully pretty like this that it almost hurt to look at her, her mind like a puzzle of secrets she wasn't ready to have solved.
Like I said, though I knew there was so much more inside of her than what reached the surface. Camilla was hurting as much as Domenico, Gregorio and I were terrified but we all had our trauma kept locked up deep where no one could discover them. We had started to share pieces of each other a year before we fucked everything up and I know so much has impossibly changed over the year that we had lost her. My dreams knew it, I knew it and I think the perfect woman before me knew it too.
I was too late and the price was demanding to be paid now. If finding Ofomata was the requirement, if given her space and if vowing to be everything I am not was what it took to give her back the pieces of herself she believed were lost, I would do it mindlessly. The awful truth of this all is that I am still hopelessly in love with her, we all are. I think she still loves us too and that is why she cried tonight, why she was so quick to shove us away because she has already lost us once and her heart can't handle it again.
I understand that and what she doesn't is that I would happily be her victim time and time again if it would give her the much deserved peace she has been fighting for. For now, however, the only thing any of us could do was wait. I hated that because it was the truth nonetheless.
As Camilla started to get too close to the edge of the bed, still seeking me out, I knew it was time to go as my hand shifted to cup her cheek instead. Standing to my full height and bending at the waist, my hair falls to frame my face and tickles against her skin as I know to press my lips ever so lightly against her forehead. If she were awake, she probably wouldn't even be able to feel it but I can feel the warmth behind my kiss. Tonight wasn't the end of our fighting but all I could feel was acceptance as I eventually pulled away, taking the time to gently position her a little away from the edge of the bed so she wouldn't fall.
She let out a soft sign as her body instantly adapted to the shift, flipping over until her back was facing me. She didn't respond as I pulled the covers up over what was exposed, offering her warmth in that sense before I knew my time here was overdue. Exiting her room quietly, I twisted the handle to open the door just to be met with the sight that I wasn't alone like I had expected. It was dark but it was unmissable of who it was as I stepped into the hall and shut her door behind me.
The gloves and water bottle I had left here were now slightly to the side so I wouldn't knock them over and it was the sleeping forms of Domenico and Gregorio across from me who were likely responsible. Both sitting and leaning against the wall, Gregorio's head rested on top of Domenico's shoulder, the first to stir awake like he could sense me. I wanted to laugh at how ridiculous this was, that all three of us seemed to gravitate to her even though we knew she was safe in her room but it all simply felt right to us. Being close after so long.
"Is she okay?" Gregorio asked quietly as Domenico started to wake at his side, noticing Gregorio's position against him and simply resting his head on top of his in the name fashion.
They were both so incredibly tired, all of us were but we still found ourselves together in the end, all outside of the door to the woman we needed more than anything else.
"She will be fine." I nodded without a doubt in my mind before moving to join them on the ground, knowing that by the time Camilla was up, we had already been gone.
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