CXXVI

CXXVI
The walk of shame we had to do across the large span of the dining area felt like it was eight hours long, but in reality it must have been like two minutes tops.
By the time we get to the door, a waitress waited by the door with my purse. A giggle spilled out of my lips as we walk towardshis car. I don't know why I was laughing but I was laughing seriously. And from my side, Kenny's low rumble came out.
"Why are we laughing?" He asked in between laughs.
"I don't know. The whole thing was embarrassing inside, but under the dark, black, vast night, it is funny."
He laughed with me all the way to his car. Our laughs resounded in the night air like two high teenagers.
" We did not get any food." Kenny sighed as he climbed into his seat.
My stomach grumbled as if hearing his words.
"Would McDonald's help? There is a drive through just up ahead."
I grin at him.
"It would do wonders. What about the gym boy? Would you do fine eating greasy food at this time?"
He shrugged his huge shoulders as he drove.
"Will burn it in the morning."
I smile at him. I seem to do that a lot lately. Smiling in content, smiling at him. I was absolutely in love with this guy.
"So, how was your first day in the creative department?"
He spared me a glance, smiling encouragingly at me. And I go into a full launch of my day, and my new team members.
He frowned.
"I can move you to a different team if you would like."
It was tempting, I almost say yes. But i bite my lip to stop myself.
"It's okay, you have done a lot for me. If you move me to a new team, I'll be replacing someone, and said someone would have to be stuck with my team. I will do it. I'll make the team work again."
He smiles at me just as he comes up to the drive through. I give him my order as my phone chimed. When I look at It, it has the name I haven't seen in a while. I had forgotten about what I was supposed to do. Shame fills my insides and threatens to drown me. How could I forget about It? Even in her death, I was the worst daughter in the world to my mother.
"Hey.. are you okay?"
His worried eyes peered into my face, and it makes me smile only a little.
"What is it?"
"Nothing, I'm fine. Just hungry." I try unsuccessfully to smile.
"You can't pull that bullshit and expect me to believe you. Now, explain to me, what has you frowning like that?"
I hear a car horn from behind us, we were holding up the line. And I let him know.
"Not until you let me know what is up."
I chew on my lip in thought. It was shameful already, showing him would multiply the shame. But i deserve to feel that amount if Shame, so I tell him.
"My mom. She asked to be cremated and her remains be left in a columbarium. My dad and i paid for ten years straight at the time. And I haven't gone to visit her in fear that I would run into my father." I felt my throat close up as i say this. I blink away the tears.
He reached out and placed a hand on mine.
"Now.. Now her rent is expired. So I got a mail reminding me to pay. She has been kicked out. Which means she is in a dark corner, all alone and my father and i never visited. She must have been so lonely."
I choke on my own tears.
He unclasped his seat belt and reaches out to me. Pulling me into a hug. I instantly melt into his arms like I always do.
"You can make up for the long years. Let's go see your mother."
I blink.
"Right Now?"
"Right now." He agrees.
A knock comes from his side of the window and he sighed deeply.
"Second time today. I'm beginning to detest knocks." He says before releasing me. I can't help but chuckle. He fastened his seat belt and drives away.
"Food is back there." He nods at the back.
I want to say my appetite is ruined but he wags a finger in my face.
"Do not say that. Your mother may be lonely but she would hate for you to starve because you feel like shit."
I smile at him and his ability to know how I feel.
"Okay. Should I feed you then?"
"I was going to use my right hand but feeding me works too." He laughs.
I tell him the name of the columbarium and he types it in the GPS. It is at the very edge of Jersey, one of my mom's favourite places.
"It would take a while to get there." Kenny says as he polishes the last of his fries.
I bite into the remaining half if my burger.
"Yeah. We shoild be back at in the wee hours of the morning."
"You should sleep a while. You worked all day. You need rest."
I shrug.
"I will sleep when I'm feeling sleepy. What about you? Won't you feel tired?"
"I did nothing but play games all day."
I chuckle.
"So.. uhm. Tell me about your mother. What was she like?"
He sounds nervous. Was he scared of her ghost?
"What?"
He glanced at me.
"I just.. She is your mother. I don't know the right or wrong thing to say to her. I've only ever dealt with Jonathan's mom and she is pretty much my mom, and your mom is the mother of the woman I love so I need to be prepared."
He was rambling. I haven't heard him ramble ever. He must really be nervous. I smile at him.
"She loved America." I say.
"So.. I have to be patriotic?"
That brings out a laughter out of me.
"No. Not really. She had a hard time back in her home. She loathed it there. She wanted desperately to belong here and would have done anything to revoke her citizenship there. She laughed a lot too. She loved life here. She shone. Literally." My mind's eye provided me with an image of what I saw as a kid. My mom bubbling with life. Almost bursting at the seams with so much energy and love for life.
"You love her a lot. I can hear her it in your voice. And I'm pretty sure she can hear it too."
I drift off with a smile on my face. I dream of her. She was like she always was. Happy.
"Hey.. we are here."
My lids flutter open to find the car parked in the familiar parking lot.
"Wow. I must have been out of it. I slept through the journey."
He gave me his warm smile.
"And I'm glad you did."
He climbed out of the car with a bouquet of flowers.
"I picked it on the way. Couldn't meet her without flowers."
My heart warmed at the statement. He helps me climb down the car.
"That truck looks familiar." He says as we walk together to the entrance.
I tilt my head as the driver climbs out of it. The driver looked familiar.
"Dad?" I whisper but it must have reached him because he turns to me. Shock evident on his face. Neither of us move. Too much history. Too much raw emotions.
"That is your Dad?" Kenny sounded scared.
I turn to him with a frown on my face.
"You know him?"
His face is white.
"Shit. He's the truck driver I hit."