LISA PORTER POV

LISA PORTER POV
My head throbbed as I wretched into the toilet bowl. Sniffling as I land heavily on my butt. I felt bile rise up in my throat again, I quickly got on my knees, forcing my head into the toilet bowl as I wretched for the millionth time in the past hour.
I let out a groan and plop down on the cold toilet tiles by the toilet seat.
"Oh my goodness, you had a great night we know, do you think you can maybe stop showing off now?" I heard Rhea say from her bed.
I always knew the girl was very insensitive but this took the crown. Since I started to puking my guts out, the only the thing she did was make stupid comments. And grumble as if she was the one whose head was about to split open.
I manage to get myself off the floor, and I stand in front of the mirror. The horror that stared back at me made my jaw slack.
My mascara had run down my cheek, my lipstick was smudged all over my face. My hair, let's not even talk about my hair, it's the worst. It looks a bird nest. My eye lids close briefly, memories of night before threatened to reach the surface so I could see them but the headache pushed it down.
Using the walls as my guide, I walk out of the bathroom. Thankfully Rhea had the lights switched off. I walk towards my own bed, I kept a bottle of Advil in my purse, courtesy of Mariana. She always made me carry one.
I use the water on my nightstand to swallow the Advil. Trying to hold back the headache before the Advil kicked in, I lay down on the bed. I remember that Cam was the one that offered me a mix of drinks, I accepted it then, it was exotic and new, my curiosity led me to take a long sip. And I had taken three more cups of it, at the time I didn't realize the consequences of my actions. Plus, it was delicious, it was rare to find alcohol that was delicious. Mostly when all I drank was cheap beer.
The effects of the Advil started to kick in some ten minutes after. I turn to settle into the bed comfortably, I see the time on the digital clock read 5:45am. It was well into Saturday already.
My mind wondered to Kennedy. Was he asleep? Of course he was. He didn't seem drunk yesterday night at the bon fire.
Wait. He didn't seem drunk..
At the bon fire..
It was like someone hit the rewind button on my memory, suddenly everything that happened hit my like a brick.
I bolt up in shock. My eyes grew wide, what had I done? I thought to myself as I remembered everything.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
I let a spur of the moment thing ruin everything. God I was stupid. So fucking stupid. I was the one that talked about taking things slow. And few hours later I was shoving myself into his mouth. Literally.
Cries of shame echoed in the room. I was so embarrassing.
"Oh for crying out loud be fucking quiet." Rhea hissed.
I plaster my palm over my mouth in attempt to muffle my cries.
"Stupid Lisa, stupid!" I say as quietly as I could while banging my head with my fist.
Worse of all. He actually did stop halfway.
I pause in my tracks, what did that mean? Was i the one forcing myself on him? Did he feel violated? Because as far as I remember, I started it. I groan internally. Maybe he was turned off by my aggressiveness. I know I was pushing him away before, but I was making amends about that. Because no matter how hard I had tried to push him away, somehow we ended up in the same spot. Especially how I felt about him. He always got me excited, each time I saw him I got excited. My body tingled by just the sight of him. When he looks at me, my breath caught in my throat. And I always wondered what it would feel like if his calloused hand ran down my bare body. Shivers ran down my spine whenever I thought about being pressed against his body.
Those feelings were all new to me, I hadn't felt like that with anyone, and acting upon them seemed reckless. Like something teenage Lisa would do. Not a grown woman, I had too much to lose by being unnecessarily reckless. So I held back. Even when all I wanted to do was get lost in his eyes, run my hard over his chest just to know if it was as hard as it looked.
I felt mortified. Shame washed all over me. God. What would I do when I saw him tomorrow? What do I say? I can almost see it happening. Me standing in front of him, and him looking at me while remembering my forced advances.
I ran into the bathroom and take a quick shower. Trying to wash away the shame and mortification I felt. If only the water could wash away the shame. Then I will be a brand new person without a trace of the old shameful Lisa.
Unfortunately that was not the reason for water, or a shower. Because after blow drying my hair, dressing up and doing my makeup, I still felt like shit. I couldn't be here anymore, I just couldn't. The mere thought of facing him later terrified me, so before something happened, I needed to bounce.
I knock lightly on the seminar team leader's room. The door swing open almost immediately, I hadn't talked to the guy in my life before, only when he addressed us in a group. And I thought he was ugly then, he looked even uglier up close.
"Good morning, what can I do for you?" He wore a polite smile.
I wore my best sad face,
"My name is Lisa, I am here for the seminar, from receptionist department?"
He gave me nod that meant "straight to the point please"
"I'm afraid I'd like to go, i have a family emergency, and I unfortunately cannot stay here any longer than now. I'm so sorry."
His eyes grew thoughtful, I guess he was big on families.
"Sure of course, unfortunately the funds for transportation isn't with me, is it okay if you pay for yourself?"
I frown. That was not what I expected.
"I will reimburse you later, once we get back."
I smile at him.
"Sure, thank you."
He smiled, "safe trip back Lisa. And I hope your family emergency can solved quickly."
I skip away happily. If someone told me I was going to run away from a trip I had been anticipating, I would have told them to shut the fuck up. Now look at me, skipping away to pack my stuff, so I could run away from a man.
Shame on you Lisa.