LVIII
LVIII
The alcohol burned my throat, but it didn't quite sting as the statement Lisa made before she hopped off my lap and walked into the partying crowd.
For two days I hadn't been able to leave the house, I didn't even find it in me to go to the book store.
Guilt clawed at my chest, because in all honesty, all my efforts were to get into her pants, nothing else. I was certain there was nothing else to it, just me wanting to satisfy my physical cravings.
The moment she walked away from me kept replaying in my memory. As she asked me the question, my hands slacked, I couldn't hold her any more, so when she hopped off my lap I could not stop her, I didn't even try to follow her. But I left the club few minutes after, I felt sick. I hadn't drank anything but I felt like I was going to puke everywhere. Jonathan and Cam didn't even know when I slipped out.
I had been avoiding their calls and texts, I didn't want to see any one. Instead, I wanted to be alone. I enjoyed the self torture I gave myself. Only I could punish myself enough.
Quite unfortunately, I still did want her, I wanted to hold her, I wanted to see her. I felt disgusted with myself, but I couldn't deny the fact that I did miss her, so much. So much that it hurt.
I chugged the entire bottle of the alcohol I had been drinking, the liquid felt like fire as it ran down my throat. I was trying to get drunk, quite unfortunately, I didn't get drunk as easily as others.
"I always manage to fuck up things." I say hoarsely.
I wanted her, but I wasn't sure I wanted her beyond physical lust. And obviously I couldn't convince her otherwise.
I heard tyres screech outside, but I didn't even bother getting up to check who it was.
"Oh my god, is he even alive??" I heard mom's voice say as she entered.
The fact that she knew my house combination lock wasn't surprising, Cam does everything I tell him not to.
"Someone actually lives here?" Jonathan's voice came after mom's.
Their footsteps sounded like they were matching in from the front door. I sat up stairs, imagining that they'd leave if I pretend I wasn't there.
"Kennedy?!" Mom called out.
Their foot steps drew closer, I closed my eyes, collecting my last few minutes of solace.
"I know where he is." Cam said confidently, he started coming upstairs. I know his arrogant walking step, so I knew it was him.
Curse him and knowing everything about me.
"He's here." He announced proudly.
I opened my eyes, sighing as my attempt at hiding was very much futile.
"Oh my goodness, you better tell me you didn't drink all of this." Mom was standing on the last stair as she eyed the bottles.
I start to raise my upper body up, but the headache that met me made me hiss as I laid back down.
"You have been drinking for two days straight???! Did you even eat something??"
Mom rushed to my side, her eyes scanning my entire body.
"Rest, mommy's here." She assured.
I didn't respond, I just sank into her arms.
"We were so worried about you, why didn't you pick up or call us back?" Jonathan finally spoke. Their was anger in his voice, I couldn't even blame him he didn't want to see me like he and Cam did the last time. I wouldn't want to meet my younger brother like that either.
"Did you eat anything?"
I manage to whisper a no.
And just like that, Cam made food. Because I didn't go outside or pick up my phone, I didn't know the time, it was from them I heard I hadn't gone out for two days.
"I'm glad you're okay, I have a meeting to attend to, I'll check up on you as soon as my meeting is done, okay?" Mom asked as she looked at me apologetically.
I give her a fake smile only because I couldn't muster a real one.
"Sure, thanks for stopping by."
"When I get back we are going to have a long discussion on why it's not okay to disappear on your mother, or drink two days away." She said sternly before walking away.
Only the sound of cutleries were heard as soon as mom's car left the driveway. I couldn't face them in embarrassment, they had seen me at my lowest but this was probably the lowest of them all.
"Aren't you going to say something?" Jonathan's voice was thick with anger.
Cam placed a hand on his to calm him down. And it worked.
"I don't think there's anything I can say at this point that would ease your anger."
He didn't respond.
"Are you okay?" Cam asked while peering into my face.
From the time they adopted me till this day, everyone treated me like I could break at any given moment, and anything could break me. While I appreciate the love and care, I would love to be treated like a human being and not an egg. They were too careful about me, and sometimes it was suffocating. But I wouldn't dare say it to them, lest I break their hearts.
"I'm fine.. I just.. I just wasn't expecting what she said. It tore me down." I explained without going into details.
Jonathan looked like he'd been slapped,
"You disappeared because you didn't like what a girl told you?" He asked like it was the worst thing on earth to do.
I gritted my teeth in annoyance.
"No, I disappeared because she was right, and I was disgusted at myself, I hated myself."
He looked surprised, then he schooled his expression to be neutral.
I sigh then tell them in details.
"Have you been having sex?" Cam asked.
I was surprised but it was Cam so yeah, it wasn't so surprising.
"Yes I have."
"Maybe it's more than the sex then, maybe you love her."
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