Time To Go
The woman in my arms now is the love of my life.
But every time my relationship with her makes some progress, I'm faced with a contender. Her lovers are persistent, refusing to give her up when their time is done. But no one has ever had to sacrifice as much as I have to stay by her side. If only I had the guts to mentally disconnect from her and start a new life with someone who loves me deeply instead of being pushed into the background by a crush all the time! Loraine knows I am her soul mate but refuses to see me as a serious partner for life.
And now I have to watch as she lies willingly in Fellogan's arms, watching him satisfy her and garnish her with very expensive presents. She still loves the man who is married, of course, but she intuitively knows that she belongs to me. Evidence is how she obeyed me without hesitation when I called her over because she knew it was the best thing she could do at the time. And the way she nestled in my chest indicates that I'm her best destiny.
If only I could convince her to trust her feelings more. Her feeling points her in the right direction, but her childish side always wants to go back to the adventure. But life isn't all fun, there are serious tangents to it that must be absolute in place.
Sigh. I don't know if I can get through this if I’m able to keep this up. Maybe it's time to see that Loraine just wants to spend her life in a hot air balloon and is not interested in reality at all.
Maybe now is the time for me to call it quits.
Tomorrow I will hand in my resignation with one month's notice. Then she has enough time to look for a replacement. And then I disappear from her life for good, away from this woman who has caused me more emotional pain than joy in recent years. Love cannot be forced.
Great Heavens, help me to be firm in this resolve.
Don't make me change my mind the moment I look into her gray begging eyes. My heart beats horribly just at the thought of not seeing her after a month, not hearing her high pitch voice, not feeling her body against mine. I am addicted to her body odor and the few nights she slept in my arms were the best of my life.
Loraine!
I grab her by the arms and hold her away from me for a moment to see her face. "You've broken our agreement," I tell her tightly. “If I hadn't got here on time, you'd be in bed with Fellogan by now. We had agreed not to have sex in any way with others”. And now the tears are rolling from her eyes, this weakens my resolve considerably. Seeing her so vulnerable breaks my heart. I've always solved all the problems in her path, but that's not possible from now on. Maturity comes with a price, and she will now have to face the consequences of her actions herself.
I know I have to tell her about my resignation now, but the words refuse to leave my lips. Ooohhh Gosh, what's happening to me? This woman constantly enchants me. “I'm sorry, Aziel, I don't know what was wrong with me. I let myself be carried away by the moment. I'm sorry and I mean it. I do not want to lose you". And then she starts to cry heartbreakingly.
And with that, I am sold, seeing her like this is really too much for my soul.
I pick her up and take her to the bathroom. I want her clean of Fellogan's touch and smell. In the bathtub, I scrub hard as if I'm removing dirt from her body. She closes her eyes and seems to enjoy my work. I dry her off and put her to bed like a baby. She grabs my hand and tries to pull me next to her, but I don't give in. The image of her and Fellogan in this bed is still fresh on my mind. I kiss her on the forehead and pull back. “Aziel, please forgive me. Don't leave me alone," she begs.
I take a deep breath. “I'll be here in the morning and then we'll talk, okay? Rest well for now.” I see disbelief in her eyes. "Where are you going? Why don't you stay with me?”, she asks in despair and tries to move the duvet to get up. I stop her hand. “Don't worry about me. We'll see each other tomorrow, promise" I tell her urgently. I sit next to her on the bed until she falls asleep mentally exhausted.
My car is parked along the road.
Fellogan had occupied the garage, so I was forced to leave it there. As I walk towards it, I see Rick, the neighbor, driving up. He stops beside me with a joyful cry. “Aziel! Are you back? You didn't tell us about that, man," he says cheerfully. He doesn't even notice that the expression on my face is anything but happy. “We are organizing a barbecue party on the beach in the afternoon, you have to come. We haven't seen Loraine in a while since she's been so busy at the yacht club," he continues.
I can't refuse these good people anything. We have an exceptional bond of friendship with them, and I definitely want to keep them close. So, I agree. “What should we take with us?” I ask to be sure. “A good mood, your dancing shoes and a wine of your choice”. Which is the common answer on this island to such a question. I smile briefly, wave him goodbye and get into my rental car.
On my phone, I search for the nearest five-star hotel to spend the night.
As I approach the receptionist, I notice several eyes staring at me.
I look around and see some expensively dressed gorgeous women, clearly island guests who just arrived. One has the exact features of Loraine, jet black hair, probably acquired from a bottle, and her gray eyes bore into mine. I think that I could use some bed company, this celibate life is not worth anything for me. Loraine in Fellogan's arms comes to my mind again, I have to take a few deep breaths to get rid of that.
I look in the direction of the lady again. She nods at me and I give her a slight smile. Aaahhh, what's the point of this?..