Chapter 103: Bright Dreams And Dark Days

No fire.

No flood.

No void.

Only the blinding light of something greater.

*Am I finally dead? Did somebody finally get their wish? …No. That can’t be right. Why am I seeing a light then?*

I could feel the gentle warmth. I could feel the serenity in the peaceful, pale glow. I could feel life being poured into me.

*Dad?* This is the first thought that crossed my mind. The giant man that could wrap me up in a cage that felt like spring sunlight. Nothing like Julian’s. What I’d give to hear his deep voice say my name again. Even if he was desperately calling out to me for help. I wasn’t sure if I should feel relieved or worried but ever since I moved into the mansion, I stopped dreaming about my father being in trouble. Now I dreamt about me with my life in danger.

Anxiety began to take root.

I’ll never leave this place. Nobody will come for me. I’ll be shackled to the void forever.

These haunting thoughts have stained my shadow since Dad died. Even when I’m dreaming about sunlight I can still feel the void’s gaping mouth behind me, ready to swallow me whole and never let me go as soon as I slip and fall.

My heart pounds. My hands shake. My lungs can’t exhale.

Right when I was about to panic, I realized that the sunlight I was seeing and feeling was real. It took me a second for my eyes to adjust as I gave a couple of painful blinks. My head was facing the window and the sunlight was bright enough that I could light up the void behind my eyelids. As soon as I realized I was awake I was able to breathe normally and my heart rate returned to normal but it still took a moment for my hands to stop shaking.

“Phew…” I wiped my forehead free from sweat with one hand but then I noticed that my other was held in place. My heart leaped into my throat, expecting to see Julian lying next to me, the ever-watchful guard dog that kept me safe after waking from my nightmares. But this time it was my mom, she had fallen asleep beside me while holding my hand. Julian may have always made me feel better after my nightmares but Mom kept the terrifying parts out of reach.

*When she said she’d stay with me I didn’t think she’d fall asleep too… I don’t think that was her plan either. Typical of Mom.*

A small smile stretched one of the corners of my lips. The peaceful morning I had woken up to crashed into the depths of depression as soon as yesterday’s horrid events crossed my mind.

*Jackie…*

The burning, vengeful blaze inside me was nothing but ashes now. It was likely from my mother’s influence so I knew it wasn’t going to last for long. Unfortunately…

I looked over to my bathroom, spotting a grocery bag on the counter with a dreadful box in it. A *mother’s intuition* she said. Pfft. An overactive imagination is what I like to call it. Unless I was alarmed, I wasn’t about to take that test anytime soon.

A knock came on the other side of my door and my body immediately stiffened. It pissed me off how I couldn’t control my body, how it jumped at the slightest sounds and touches because I was so used to them being from Julian.

“What?” I called from the other side of the door, my voice blunt but still somewhat hushed so that I wouldn’t wake up my mom.

“Can I come in?” I was surprised to hear Gabriel’s voice. I was sure that Julian would be the first one to come here with his tail between his legs, worried sick about me.

“Uh, yeah. Sure, come on.” my body relaxed when I saw the older man walk in. He was the same height as Julian and his facial features were similar but not identical. His blue eyes were paler than Julian’s too and I could tell that back in his prime his frame was probably just as lean-muscled as his too. Apart from his silver-streaked ashy blonde hair, the similarities didn’t bother me as much as when I looked at Grace, even if she did have a feminine face.

Gabriel’s eyes reminded me of a cloudy morning, dim and depressing, and he looked at me. “I’m so sorry, Sukia. I heard what happened to your friend… I figured I should have given you space yesterday. If you need anything, I’m here for you.”

A crooked grin crossed my lips as I watched him, his genuine nature will never cease to amaze me. To think people like him still exist in this fucked up world.

*I don’t think he’s even forcing himself to act in a way that’ll make me like him. Naive as ever…*

“I’m no stranger to loss, Gabe. My skin will harden and the world will keep spinning like always.”

Gabriel flinched at my depressing words, he likely wasn’t expecting to hear the dark truth about death.

*Yeah. Life just goes on… and on and on… the world doesn’t stop spinning for everyone just because it stopped for somebody else.*

“I’m aware– I mean I… um…” he struggled to find the words to express himself. “I’m sorry… I’ll leave you two be–”

“Actually,” I spoke up before he could leave. “Do you mind staying with Mom? I gotta go.”

“Oh.” his brows lifted. “Of course. May I ask where?”

“Doesn’t matter.”

His surprise shifted into a small smile. He wasn’t taken off guard in the least by my secretive ways. “Alright. Again, let me know if you need anything.”

“Thanks, Gabe… I appreciate you.” I give him my brief but sincere gratitude before leaving. I still needed air. Now more than ever. But I couldn’t face Amy… not after her suspicions of what I was going to do. Facing Mason and Alex wasn’t any better, I would just see my expression reflected in their faces.

The nearby whispering voices caught my attention on the other side of the hall, the same three maids I had caught several times acting like they were starting rumors. The one that spoke to me before noticed me and gave me a sad smile, she must’ve heard the news too, news that made her understand my feelings. Both of the people we care about were struck and killed by a car.

I didn’t say anything and continued my walk in the other direction with my hands stuffed deep into my pockets. Nothing felt right. And yet, of all things, everything felt right the moment I rounded the corner and ended up in Julian’s chest. Before my startled state could react, he wrapped his strong arms around me and rested his chin on my head. “I’m so sorry, Sukia.”

He says the same words that I keep hearing over and over. Apologizing for something that they had no control over. “...This has nothing to do with you, Julian.”

Julian’s arms tightened around me further, caging me in comforting warmth with his intoxicating scent filling my nose. Everything about him has been pissing me off lately and yet my body still became so weak when around his. “I want to make it all better for you.”

“Julian,” I didn’t even bother squirming, I already knew trying to move at all when in his grasp was futile. “Mind your own, will ya? There’s nothing you can do for me… just leave me alone. I just want to be left alone.”

Julian’s arms relaxed just enough so that he could lean down and press his soft lips against my forehead like he has too many times in the past. “Can I take you somewhere? Somewhere for only us? I… want to show you something.”