Chapter 62: Testing The Waters

My mother stopped in her tracks and looked at me with the seriousness of a cat on the hunt. “I think you’ve got mice in your bathroom!”

I face-palmed myself as my shoulders sagged. “No, Mom, I just– uh… yeah, yeah, I got it. Don’t worry, I’ve dealt with things far worse than a couple ‘f mice.”

“Exactly my point. This time I’m going to take care of it.” my mother’s voice held a determination that surprised me. I knew it was her own little way of making up for stuff I dealt with for years when I was younger but still!

*Of all the times you wanna…!*

I didn’t even have enough time to distract her. She swung the door open and looked around warily before grabbing the toilet cleaner brush as if she were about to go to war against the tiny rodents.

*You gotta be fuckin’ kidding me, Mom!*

“Mom, c’mon, will you go to bed already!? You’re acting weird again and it’s freaking me out.” I complained like a teenage girl just wanting her bedroom free from her hovering parents.

Right as my mom looked behind the bathroom door, she stopped and looked at me with an apologetic look in her eyes. “Mh… sorry, dear. You’re right, I had Gabriel pause my show just for me. I probably shouldn’t keep him waiting any longer.”

*You had your husband pause YOUR show because you couldn’t stop fretting over me? Damn… you really will never change.*

I gave a humorous huff at my own thoughts as she came over and embraced me tightly. “Goodnight, honey. By the way, has Julian been in here recently?”

When I went to hug her back I immediately stiffened up. “Erh, no. Why do you ask?” *Fuck, stop stuttering!*

“I smelt his cologne. I’ve spent enough time reading with him in the library that I can tell the difference between his and Gabriel’s,” she said with a curious tilt of her head, a curiosity that made me sweat.

“Oh… uh–” *Fuck. Fuck!* As I raked my scrambled brain for believable responses I tried to force a grin that showed that everything was fine. Well, it's an attempt to show that I’m fine. “He hugged me earlier. You’re probably just smellin’ it on my clothes so.”

My mom placed her hand on my cheek, happy satisfaction gleaming in those bright green orbs of hers. “More than anything, it makes me so happy to see you have a good relationship with your brother. He’s only two years older than you and yet he’s so attentive of you as if you were a decade younger.”

“Mom…” I mumbled while looking away from both out of embarrassment and guilt. Funny enough, I never knew how old Julian was other than he was close to my age. I was 21 currently, just reaching an age where I could do things *legally* that I had already been doing years beforehand.

She chuckled before letting me go. “I’ll let you get some sleep. Goodnight, hun.” she gave me a brief wave before leaving my room. As soon as she was out and I heard her footsteps fade down the hall I quickly locked the door and released a heavy sigh full of relief.

*Fuuuuck that was close…*

“Alright, asshole, you can come out now,” I called into the bathroom but the only response I received was silence. “C’mon, will you get out of here already?” I snapped this time as I marched my way into my bathroom. At first glance, I had no idea where he was.

*Damn. He hid real good.*

Even though my mother already looked, I still didn’t see anybody behind the door. Before I could check anywhere else, I heard the water from the shower turn on. My annoyance grew when I walked over to it and yanked the curtains to the side. “The hell do you think you’re doing in my show– errr…” Of all things, I caught the sight of Julian stripped down naked preparing himself for a shower. I was flabbergasted. I had never thought of the word before but right now that word fitted me perfectly.

Julian reached out his hand toward me. “You smell like my cologne, remember?”

By instinct I smacked his hand away, I still couldn’t believe what I was seeing. “You gotta be fuckin’ kidding me!” *What demon possessed his ass to think this way!?* Though I held a scowl on my face I was still clearly flustered as I tried to avoid looking at him. “Will you get the hell outta here??”

“Only after you’ve showered with me.” his dark blonde eyebrows furrowed together in a way that reminded me of a begging puppy. “Please?”

I unknowingly bit my lips as I continued to avoid looking at him. It was all too tempting, half of me wanted to take him by the ear like a child and drag him out but the other part of me just wanted to happily hop right in there with him. Since I was silently standing in place, Julian took it as a sign that he should be the one to take action in my stead. Hands still wet, he gripped the bottom of my tank top and pulled it over my head. The water on his body dripped off onto mine and slid down my firm abdomen, making me shiver at the cooling trail. He had to lean closer to me in under to unhook my bra and slip down my shorts fairly easily. Since I was wearing flip-flops, they weren’t a problem to remove as he grabbed my wrists and led me into the shower with him. Julian purposely had me stand in front of him, I was short enough that the water wouldn’t spray smackdab in my face thankfully. His hands moved to my waist, and his touch was a lot softer compared to the last time he gripped them.

“If you want to get out then let me know.” his voice was soft but still audible beneath the roar of the shower. I gave no response, though that didn’t mean I was happy about it. I wanted to fiercely smack myself around just for buckling beneath him. Again. And I wanted to smack him even harder for his neverending, shameless audacity of being a shitty fucker.

*He knows damn well what gets me going by now! He does this stuff on purpose.*

I waited for him to say something else, I knew Julian wasn’t going to waste this rarely given alone time in complete silence especially when we were taking our first shower together. I heard the squirt of the soap bottle behind me and winced at the sudden coldness that slid across my back and shoulders. “About what I said earlier…” he paused as if to wait for my reaction but when I gave none he continued. “I meant what I said. I want to be closer to you and not like family.” I could feel his body heat as he closed the distance between us, his hands that settled on my hips had now slid to my stomach in an attempt to hug me from behind. I felt him rest his cheek down on my head, a reminder of how short I was compared to him. “I know you keep your distance for your mother’s sake. I would too.” his arms that were wrapped around me began to tighten their grip. “But you shouldn’t have to sacrifice your happiness for that. Remember their reactions after you burned the rose garden? My dad wasn’t *thrilled* at first but he came to forgive you. They would both understand.”

The silence between us returned as I muddled in my own thoughts. What *did* I want? I knew what I sexually wanted but… romantically? I wasn’t sure how those things even played. Amy’s warning crossed my mind and I had to remind myself that I needed to tread carefully around the man I was supposed to be calling my brother. I still don’t trust him but… why do I feel so weak when I’m with him?

Despite my thoughts, my cold tone told a different story. “And what makes you think I’d be happy with *you?*”

“I never said happy with me.” he corrected me as my body was pulled flat against his, my rear cradled in his crotch. His wet, ashy blonde hair left drops of water tickling my cheek as they slid down.

“Then what is this ‘so-called’ happiness you speak of?” I turned my head away but in response, he leaned his down so that he could kiss my exposed neck.