Chapter 50: Between Needs and Desires

I felt goosebumps begin to line my body in a wave. The realization finally dawned on me that even if I wanted to move I couldn’t because I was stuck, caged in his body. Nonetheless, I still never showed submission.

“I thought I told you to stop calling me Beautiful. You really don’t know how to fuckin’ listen, do you?” as usual, the hateful sass in my tone didn’t sway him. In fact, we stayed frozen in place for a while as if he were deciding what his next move should be. I could feel a bead of sweat roll down my neck as I anxiously waited for him to decide what to do with me.

*Why the fuck am I nervous?? I’m never nervous!*

I scorned myself in my thoughts before giving Julian a fiercer snap. “Do you fucking mind? Let go!”

Finally, my words pushed him into action and he released me from his grip. “I’m sorry,” he murmured as if he were trying not to wake anybody up in the household meanwhile I was the one with the raised voice. “I just…” the handsome man looked away from me when he didn’t complete his sentence. And, once again, he reminded me of a kicked puppy and I could feel my heart twist.

*Fucking hell.*

Instead of storming off to my room like I should’ve done, I turned and faced him. “Just what? Dammit, Julian, you know I’m not a patient woman. Spit it out already!”

Julian still avoided his blue eyes from contacting my olive-colored eyes as he spoke in a softer voice. Not just to keep his voice hushed, but it almost sounded affectionate too. “You’ve been staying out late more often and barely spending time with me. Grace may not care but I do.”

My jaw dropped with disbelief as I stared up at him. After everything that had happened between us, you’d like he’d have the common sense that kind of relationship, or any other healthy relationship, was far long gone.

*The audacity of this motherfucker!*

“Julian. Why the fuck would I ever want to spend time with you?” my words were intensionally harsh just to smack some sense into him. But instead of feeling any kind of victory, I just felt my chest receive a more painful twist by the shocked look on his face.

He can’t be serious. Where the fuck in his brain does he think this is ok? And why do I feel bad about it?? I never feel bad about anything! …Right?

I internally cursed myself, thinking that I was going soft again. The silence between us was broken as I gave an annoyed sigh and finally laid out the problem like a deck of cards between us. “Look, Julian. You wanna know *why* I don’t want to spend time with you anymore? It’s because you don’t *listen!* You only listen at the last second but then it’s too late and you’ve already royally fucked up.” I bit my tongue as the throbbing feeling in my chest continued but I finally, finally said what had been on my mind. And it was practically impossible to ever say what was on my mind. “You keep jumping between brother and boyfriend. I’m not gonna play the game where you’re both. I’m crazy but I’m not that fuckin’ nutty. I got my pride, ya know.”

The look on his face changed when I finally told him what had been bothering me, the reason why I had been avoiding his company as of late. If I could have it my way, I’d prefer to just have a brother-sister relationship because I wouldn’t have to deal with the unknown territory of romance nor would I have to watch what I do with other men. Not to mention my personal space would always be invaded.

I thought he got the point but instead, he stepped closer to me and grabbed my forearms, his hands gently running down to my wrist and leaving behind an electric feeling of goosebumps in their wake. “So you’re saying there’s an option?”

His question took me off guard. I had almost forgotten that nobody unbalanced me more than Julian. This time it was my turn to avoid eye contact but I couldn’t bring myself to rip my wrists out of his grip. I could’ve easily if I wanted to but for some reason, my body refused to do so.

*What the hell are you doing!? Get a hold of yourself!*

I inwardly screamed at myself but even thought wasn’t enough to put me into motion. Julian took a step closer toward me with his voice still soft and quiet but with a hint of something else in it. Something darker that I couldn’t explain. I think it was seduction and yet at the same time… it wasn’t. “I know you’re not the romantic type of woman,” he spoke my mind as if I were an open book. Proving my point that the man seemed to read me more and more as if I were his favorite little novel. “I do know the type of relationship you’re more accustomed to…” his hint at my sex addiction was followed by leaning down to kiss me again. And unlike Liam, his lips actually made contact.

It killed me to admit it but Julian’s lips felt more satisfying than any other man I had kissed before to the point it was hard to rip away from. I was swallowed again by his embrace as he pulled me into his body again to deepen our kiss. I didn’t kiss him back and tried to push my body away from his when he pulled me closer but other than that, my rejecting efforts were weak as if I were only putting half of my strength into it.

*Damn it all! What’s wrong with me??*

His strong arms were easily able to lift me off of the ground and move me toward the staircase. I was taken by surprise when he actually set me down on the stairs halfway up and got down on his knees on the step beneath me. My face flushed when I saw him unzip his pants and I rapidly looked around the mansion with an urgent hiss under my breath. “The hell are you doing you crazy fucker!? It better not be what I think it is!”

Julian didn’t answer me, he was aware that I already knew the answer. The real question was do I reject him or let it happen? My stepbrother was in the perfect position to get a brutal knee to his chin and send him tumbling down the staircase while covering him in bruises in the process. It was so tempting to watch him suffer that I actually considered doing it. But, like all of the other times, my body wouldn’t obey my violent commands.

The tall man leaned forward to kiss me again, moving past between my legs and hovering over my abdomen in the process. One of his hands was pressed between my back and the hard staircase so that my spine wouldn’t be pressed against it. I was too engrossed in the taste of his lips to even notice that his pants were already completely unzipped and now he was yanking on the back of my shorts, easily sliding them down my legs as he lifted them both up to his shoulders. By the time he unlocked his lips from mine, I realized that I was already pinned and vulnerable.

“Hey! Fu– wait! *Wait!!*” I stuttered in my struggle to find the words to make him come to a halt before things could progress. My legs were in no position where I could use them to protect myself anymore and all I could do was push on his chest with my hands. My wary urgency turned into panic. Thankfully he did as I said but the hungry look in his eyes told me that he wasn’t done.

“Do you want me to stop?” he whispered as he leaned away from me. That was the last question I expected him to ask, a simple yes or no question, a question I could’ve easily answered with a rageful single word that I had been saying most of my life, if not the first word I had ever said. And yet here I was, frozen in place as my mind raced through a thousand responses within seconds. He leaned down toward my face again where his lips barely caressed mine as he whispered affectionately again. “Beautiful…”