Chapter 18: "I really like you, Beautiful."

He wants to talk to me? Yeah right.

I gave him no response to his words and continued to stare out the window as we drove through the rundown west-side of the city and gradually made our way into the fancy east-side of the city. The night sky had no clouds and the stars dazzlingly sparkled. They only glowed that brightly because the moon was barely visible. Not too many people knew this but I enjoyed sunsets, sunrises, and stargazing. And I used this enjoyment of mine as a distraction from the awkward silence between the two of us in his car. I still couldn’t resist bonking my head against the glass window beside me repeatedly for the past five minutes.

Who will bust first? My skull or this window? Let’s find out.

“Sukia, please…” Julian murmured, snapping me out of my twisted thoughts. I didn’t turn to look at him but I still unfortunately still saw his reflection in the window. He was glancing over at me with a worried expression, anxiously waiting for my response.

And, once again, I feel that twist in my chest that I was really beginning to get annoyed about. Why can’t I just ignore it? Am I really going soft??

I gave a dramatic sigh before grumbling in my usual crouchy tone. “The fuck do you want, Julian? I’m tired.”

In the window’s reflection, I saw a humorous smile across his lips and a sound came from him that sounded as if he was trying not to laugh.

“What’s so funny, huh?” I finally looked away from the window and glared at him. Nothing about this situation going on in this car was funny at all to me.

Julian peeked at me for only a split second before keeping his focus on the road. Even his eyes looked like they were laughing. “I can’t help but notice how the F word is your favorite word to say.”

“What? The F word? You mean fuck?” He nodded his head and I immediately snapped with irritation. “The fuck— no it’s not! I—” Julian’s grin grew in size as I realized I had just said the word again. I quickly turned away from him while crossing my arms grumpily. “Oh, shut the hell up. I knew I should’ve just let Jack drive me back.”

The humor in the atmosphere didn’t take long to die down into gloomy and suspense as the silence found its way back between us. I didn’t look in the window this time. I didn’t want to see the reflection of Julian’s face this time because I was afraid he’d have another expression that would make me hold regrets again. And yet I still hear hesitance in his voice when he spoke up, almost as if he was afraid to talk to me.

“Suki… I just—”

“It’s Sukia. You’ve lost that privilege.” I muttered cruelly as my lip curled with my words, I still didn’t bother looking at him.

“...Right… I guess I do deserve that, huh?” His voice sounded like he was trying to keep himself together but I didn’t respond to him. My fingers begin to twitch from anxiety.

Why does this bother me so much? I’m never bothered by anything! I’M the one that bothers others! So why…?? It frustrates the hell out of me.

“Sukia… I wanted to apologize. I know you’re angry with me because of last night. I’m sorry I tricked you into coming into my bedroom… my nose really wasn’t in that bad of shape.” He mumbled his confession softly while keeping his eyes so focused on the road that you would think that a deer would pop out of the dark at any second now. He only looked away from the road once when he heard me scoff.

“You fucking idiot. You think that’s the first time someone tried to pull one over on me ‘cause they thought they were being a fox? Yeah right. I could see what you were tryin’ to do a mile away.” I finally lean my head off of the glass window and looked at him. “I’m pissed off because of what you did to me while we were fuckin’. Where the hell do you get off treating me like a dog and claiming me as yours, huh?! You got a lotta fucking nerve. And I saw that you even gave me a dog name too! Oh yeah, let’s not forget that you bought it while we were out shopping at the mall! You were planning on this from the very beginning! I barely knew you at the time and you were already planning to drag me to your bed?! You’re lucky I haven’t cut off your dick and shoved it up your ass!”

My merciless onslaught of words could be relatable as a feral dog barking up a storm at something it wanted to sink its fangs into. Julian’s lips pursed as he flinched. The cat’s out of the bag. I had a feeling he didn’t know as much as I knew.

“You got the wrong idea, Suki– I mean Sukia. I wasn’t trying to claim you or make you feel submissive in any way at all. And it’s true that I… I did desire you from the beginning.” A light blush begins to coat his flawless skin. “I’ve liked you since I first saw you.”

I was about to give him another onslaught of my cruelty but I then paused when his words finally registered in my mind. His last words stumped me and yet at the same time I already knew what he meant, but I still had to ask. “You… you what…?”

“I said…” Julian reached over his hand and placed it on top of mine. Again, he looked away from the road to look me in the eye and give me an angelic smile. “I really like you, Beautiful.”

I immediately rip my hand away from his with an angered shout. “What the FUCK, Julian?!” My burning cheeks told me that I was blushing even harder than he was but it wasn’t over the same reason. I shouted at him again with the same aggression in my tone. “Are you out of your fucking mind?! We’re BROTHER and SISTER!”

“Only by marriage, not by blood.” Julian corrected me with a quieter voice.

“I don’t give two fucks! Do you even realize how that’d make us look?! How it’d make your family look?? How it’d make my MOM look?! When the fuck did you lose your common sense??” My voice was still raised.

“It’s not as taboo is you think, Beautiful. There are plenty of stepsiblings out there that got married and had children. They’re living their lives happily, no matter what people think of them.”

“Well good for fucking them! And stop calling me BEAUTIFUL!” My words are growled as I crossed my arms again. The audacity this man has to make excuses like this!

“But I thought you didn’t care about how other people looked at you. That’s one of the things I like the most about you, Beu– I mean Sukia. You’re true to yourself and never let anyone tell you how to live your life. You’re so admirable, I want to live like you and take risks. I want you–”

“SHUT UP. SHUT THE HELL UP!” My shouts turned into an ear splitting scream. He didn’t even have the chance to finish what he was saying because my temper got the best of me. “Taboo or not, I don’t want to risk making my mom look bad in any way, shape, or form!”

After my roar of rage came to an end, the temperature in the car had noticeably turned hotter because of the tension. Well, me being worked up and barking my head off is what did most of the work. At the same time, Julian’s hot and heavy blushes likely made his body heat raise too. It was hot enough to the point I had to click the door’s button to slide down the window. There was a long silence within the car that was once booming with noise. Eventually, Julian took in a deep inhale and I could’ve sworn I heard a shakiness in it.

“...I understand. I’m sorry I made you feel uncomfortable.”

“Hah. Yeah, I’m sure you fuckin’ are.” I scoffed again without mercy.

“No, I mean it, I really do. I just wanted you to know my true feelings about you. If you don’t accept my feelings, then at least know that I truly admire you.”

Thanks to the window being rolled down, I didn’t get the opportunity to see his expression but I could already predict what it looked like. I can hear it in his voice. He was hurt and full of regret.

There’s that twisting feeling again, hoorayyy…

I remained silent. What could I say? I didn’t know how to feel. I felt bad for hurting his feelings again but at the same time, I was still fuming over the fact this man had the audacity to think of me this way.

“Please, forgive me, Sukia.” He murmured again more quietly and I closed my eyes tightly. I could feel my thick walls that’ve protected me for so many years begin to crack and tremble under an unforecasted earthquake.

I don’t feel the same. I don’t. So why do I feel so goddamn awful? I never feel awful!

I swallowed my sigh of defeat but kept looking out the window. Thankfully my curly hair that waved in the wind partially curtained my face from his view. “...I’ll think about it.”

My ‘maybes’ usually turn into ‘nos’, especially when I said it in a grumpy tone like that but Julian still smiled and I could feel the air around him lift as if the rain had just stopped falling around him. It oddly made me feel a little better too knowing that I had cheered him up so easily.

Why is that? I don’t feel the same. I don’t…

His happiness turned into humor as he peeked at me again on the corner of his eye. “Instead of calling you Beautiful, can I call you Spitfire instead?”

“Har har har. You’re fuckin’ hilarious.” I grumbled grumpily again. I didn’t find his joke funny at all but it apparently cracked him up pretty good because he struggled to keep his chuckle contained and not burst out laughing.

Our car ride finally came to an end as we pulled up into the August Mansion’s garage. As soon as we got out of the car and headed for the house, I stopped in front of him and he lit up in surprise when I approached him. Most women give a good smack to the cheek when they’ve been insulted. Me? I punch him right in the gut so hard that he hunches over with the wind leaving his body for the second time. He gave a pained groan as I walked away, back towards the mansion, and finally called over my shoulder.

“I forgive you. Cross me again and I’ll carve an S on your chest.” I threaten him the same way I threaten everyone who dares to screw me over. Poor lil Richie thought I was all talk. I’d like to think that Julian is aware that I don’t play games.

Julian coughed again as he stood up straight and caught up to me with a bit of a staggered step as if I had knocked his vision dizzy too within that single punch. “Note taken.” He then cracked me a small smile. “Thank you, for showing me mercy, Sukia. I won’t take it for granted. Maybe I can make it up to you? How about breakfast in bed? I’m a good cook.”

“Can I use you as a footrest?”

“...Yes.” Julian’s voice is a bit quieter this time as he looked away.

I then give him the side-eye as we go inside. I could tell he was trying to hide another blush.

You unbelievable piece of shit… well, at least he’s trying. I have to acknowledge that at least. My guilty conscious has been lifted but…

Why are my instincts replacing it with dread?