Chapter 94: The Real Burden

After that heart-pounding moment in my life, everything seemed to halt. For the longest time, ever since moving into this mansion, I felt like my rolling stone of life was rolling faster than ever with a barrage of thorny obstacles. But now? Nothing… and there was only one thing that caused it. Only one person to blame.

*Me. As always… I’m the villain after all. I don’t think I’ll ever change.*

I was still convinced that I was a loss cause and now, after my last interaction with Julian, I felt more disgusted with myself than ever. Not a soul in the world knew about this, but despite my prideful ways, more often than not, I hated myself. I was disgusted with myself.

*This is for the best, right? Right…?*

Lately, Julian has been completely ignoring me and this has gone on for days until it turned into weeks. The man who was once obsessed with me had turned his back on me and didn’t even look in my direction. I should’ve been satisfied, right? Happy that I’ve finally gotten my wish? But I honestly missed him instead. I missed his hovering, his staring, his charismatic charm, all the things that I used to hate, and that drove me crazier than I already am. I’m a bigger mess than I thought…

Each time I and Grace would cross paths, we’d bicker and complain to each other like an old married couple before parting, both fuming or at least one of us satisfied. She still noticed the change in Julian’s behavior. And fuck, I don’t know why it pissed me off, but that skank was relishing in it. I mean, that’s her brother, her twin! What did he do that made his pain humorous for Grace?

*Not that it was my place to know anyway, but my cat curiosity will forever get the better of me.*

Mom and Gabriel noticed the shift in Julian’s demeanor. As expected, his father was always worrying about him. As for my mom… she’s seen eyes like those before. The same kind of eyes she’d see each time she looked in the mirror after Dad died. It made my heart ache knowing that I was bringing back those awful memories for her. Hell, I hated making Gabriel fret too. In the end, all of it was *my* fault.

Weeks almost turned into a month. I would text my friends, including Liam, but I didn’t have the will to step outside. I must’ve said something that bothered Jack because he still wasn’t responding to my messages… it hurt me further.

Even at dinner, Julian remained silent. I was just as quiet from where I sat next to my mom, slurping on more noodles. She and Gabriel were having an energizing conversation and Grace chimed in every so often. It felt as if me and Julian were the only ones that felt separated from the family.

*No surprise.*

A loud ding and vibration in my pocket told me I had a new text, and it caught my mom’s attention. When I pulled out my phone and curiously glanced at the screen under the table, I heard my mom give a curious “Hmm” while peeking without permission.

“Oh? Who’s Liam? You’ve never told me about him. Do you have a secret boyfriend?” her silly tease brought different reactions from every other person at the table.

Gabriel gawked. “A boyfriend? You should bring him over! I’ll host a special dinner.” Though he was enthusiastic, he still glanced at Julian in the corner of his eye and I saw the hint of doubt in his light blue eyes. He hadn’t forgotten about walking in on us in my art room a while back. Julian may have made it seem like we weren’t doing anything inappropriate, but I think Gabriel saw a split-second glimpse, long enough to wonder about the secret relationship between us.

*Well, what we HAD between us…*

“Yeah, Sis, I’d love to meet him too. You never bring over your friends.” Grace’s voice was kind and her smile was sweet, but the look in her eyes showed a vile tease. She found the subject far too amusing.

Julian, on the other hand, was finally looking at me, but his beautiful blue eyes had an intense stare that was darker than ever. The perfect actor couldn’t prevent the bitter frown that barely stretched his lips.

*He’s still not happy. Fuck, finding out I’m still talking to Liam probably pissed him off again.*

I quickly locked my phone and gave my mother the stink-eye. “Mom! It’s nothing like that! He’s just a friend. Don’t go starting rumors about me!”

Mom chuckled while tapping my shoulder and giving me a tender smile. “I’m only teasing, honey.” She then turned her attention back to Gabriel. “This girl’s heart is made of thorns. Not once in her entire life has she ever had a boyfriend.”

“MOM!”

My face flushed when Gabriel bursted out laughing and Grace’s smile grew along with its devious look. As for Julian, he stood from his chair with a loud screech from the legs scraping the floor before leaving the dining room.

Mom and Gabriel looked at each other; my mother looked confused, while Gabriel seemed more concerned than anything else. Grace went back to eating as if her entertaining TV show had just turned off.

“Was it something I said?”

“Julian hasn’t been feeling well lately, Bella. But he’ll be ok.” Gabriel reassured her with a soft smile and a warm look in his eyes as he placed his hand on top of hers.

*I’m not ok. I’m far from ok.*

I felt nausea grow in my stomach and I rose to my feet just as abruptly. “I gotta go.”

*Puke out my–!*

My mother looked twice as worried now when she saw me dart out of the dining room. I barely made it to the bathroom in time because this mansion was so goddamn big. Worst part? I couldn’t even make it to my own bathroom. I had to use the public one in the living room.

As I skidded and dropped to my knees, a gag followed by a puke escaped from me, containing everything I had just eaten for dinner. I think I saw remnants from lunch and breakfast, too. Just staring at the disgusting mixture made me puke again. “Fucking HELL!!”

*I can’t believe I got so worked up that I puked! That’s a first…*

“Honey?” my mom knocked on the bathroom door, “Are you ok??”

“I’m–” my words were interrupted by a painful gag, “I’m fine, Mom, just–just go back to dinner. I’ll be back soon.”

“Ok… let me know if you need anything, love.” her motherly concern was never ending and I hoped I’d never have to feel such annoying emotions too all the time.

As her footsteps faded, I flushed the toilet and washed my face. The sour taste left over on my tongue was threatening another gag reflex out of me.

*Bleck! I’mma need to brush my teeth before headin’ back to dinner.*

Another knock on the bathroom door earned an annoyed groan from me. “Fucking damn it, I said I’m fi–” my tongue froze when I swung the door open. The last person I expected was standing in the doorway, looming over me.

*Julian?!*

This was the first time he had approached me since I had called him a burden. Even the way he looked at me changed; it wasn’t out of adoration or fascination, sometimes even obsession. Now those blue embers were dim.

“Are you alright?” thankfully his voice sounded the same. As beautiful as a melody. I didn’t realize how much I missed hearing it until I felt a familiar feeling in my chest throbbing.

“I–I’m fine.” *Fuck, why am I already stuttering?!* I twisted my head to avoid eye contact. “What’s it to you, anyway?”

Julian’s dark blonde eyebrows knitted together. “Why am I worried about you?”

I unintentionally looked back up at him with hostility burning in my olive-colored eyes. “You’ve been avoiding me for weeks. Why do you care all of a sudden?”

Julian actually looked taken aback by my words. Did they sound funny or something? He said nothing for a few seconds before stepping forward and wrapping his strong arms around me. It’s been so long since I’ve been embraced in his arms that it left me flustered. Before I could demand an explanation or tell him to let me go, we heard the voice of a third party.

“Um… am I interrupting?”