Chapter 12: Creepy Regret

I had finally gotten what I wanted; I got to touch him, feel him, taste him, and I even found out he hungered for the same thing from me. And yet… why do I feel even guiltier? I rubbed my temples as another headache throbs in my skull. I need a fuckin’ cigarette…

As I try to recollect my thoughts, I look around the room for my clothes. My bangs flop in front of my face as I turn my head, making me realize that my hair had fallen out of its messy bun last night. No surprise… I finally spotted my baggy sweater but my jaw dropped when I swayed my laced underwear that Julian had literally ripped off of me.

“What the fuck man?!” I seethed in frustration. That was one of my favorites. My angered curse made me wince and grab my throat. Another memory crossed my mind, I finally remembered that Julian had leashed me like a dog and claimed me to be his. I yanked at my hair as embarrassment consumed me.

Fuck my life. I’ll never live this down…

I winced at the sharp ache in my thighs as I tried to stand up. He definitely worked me the way I liked it, but it came at a painful price. I walked over to my sweater and carefully picked it up, but as I did, I saw the small bag that Julian had bought during our shopping at the mall. Curiosity kills the cat. I saw the bag still had the receipt in it and I took a look. My lips parted in disbelief when I read what he had bought. Julian had purchased that leash while we were out shopping. I recall him saying that it was “something that’ll come in handy.” I was shocked.

Julian was planning on fucking me from the beginning…? What the fuck?

My attraction slowly built up but he had just automatically decided he’d own me, just in our first conversation. I wasn’t sure whether to feel insulted or disturbed. Thankfully cats have nine lives since curiosity takes hold of me again. I put on my sweater and then poke around his room, looking for the chain and spiked collar. And it happened to be in the most obvious place, in the nightstand next to his side of the bed. I took the collar and leash to examine it thoroughly.

That mother fucker… this thing is actually meant for dogs! Technically rottweilers but still!

I was pretty pissed off at that moment. But my anger swapped into a more disturbed feeling when I saw words engraved on the leather. “Beautiful.” It was all Julian ever called me, and I was definitely freaked out now.

“Fucking weirdo…” I muttered while putting the collar and leash back into his nightstand and slamming the door shut. The bastard ripped off my favorite undies and then fucked me like he owned me. He even bought a glorified collar specifically meant for me. My day is already ruined. Just out of pure spite, I ripped up one of his boxers before marching out of his bedroom and slamming his door loudly. I think I nearby maid jumped and stared at me wide-eyed. At the time I didn’t care.

Fuck Julian. Fuck this place. Fuck this family. And fuck that maid too. I’m fucking done.

As I returned to my bedroom with another slammed door, I ran my fingers through my hair as I took in a deep breath and tried to cool off before my anger could take control and make me do things I’d regret later. What matters most is my mother. I want to make her proud. I want her to feel good about herself, knowing that she has a loving husband and I caring daughter. I just want to keep her happy, to keep her smiling. I dread to see her frown and go back to the days were she was always depressed. I must keep her happy. I must. I have to remember that. No matter how much I have to lie. But lying can only get me so far… and even then, what can I possibly say…? That I had sex my stepbrother and now I’m full of regrets? I sat on my bed, completely lost in my whirling thoughts.

As usual, I take a steamy, hot shower to wash off the sweat and scent of sex from the previous night. Only this time, my stomach churned. I was washing off the feeling of Julian’s hands all over my body, the way he kissed me, the way he handled me. I felt disgusted, ashamed, and violated. But most of all, I was extremely pissed off at myself for wanting to feel his touch again. Yearning for his lips once more. I wiped my mouth and spit on the shower floor as if I had just tasted something foul. In a way, I did. My thoughts.

After I made sure to scrub everything between my thighs thoroughly, I finally stepped out of the shower with a satisfied sigh. I always brought two towels into the bathroom with me after I showered. One to wrap around my body and the second towel was meant to wrap around my long, drenched hair. Through the thick fog made out of steam, I reached over to the towels without looking as I shuffled my feet across the mat to dry them off. My attention was caught when I realized there was only one towel hanging from the rack.

The hell? I know I brought in two…

I then quickly looked around warily. Even though I had just taken a hot shower, I could feel goosebumps crawling across my arms for a different reason that didn’t include the cold air seeping through the cracks of the door. I used my single towel to scrub and ring my long hair dry before wrapping it around my body. I reach for the doorknob hesitantly, my stomach churning with anxiety instead of disgust this time.

I know I set out two towels. So where the hell is the second towel??

There was only one answer. Someone came in and took it while I was in the middle of my shower. But why? It’s so random! …And kind of creepy. I got the chills. The only thing “creepy” that crossed my mind was Julian. I shake my head and mentally slap myself. What am I so nervous about? I used to fight with my fists against knives. There’s nothing that scares me. I reassure myself that my own strength is unmeasurable and I open up the door without hesitation. In fact, I opened it up a little too forcefully and it ended up slamming against the wall with a loud bang.

Oops.

As I stepped out of the bathroom, I looked from side to side before walking around my bedroom to see if anything was out of place or if somebody was hiding somewhere.

Nothing looks different… wait.

I look under my bed. All I see is my old, dirty sneakers tossed under there. I let out a sigh and smack my forehead. “Get it together, dumbass…” I cursed myself before drying myself off and getting changed into my casual clothes. Once again, a tank top with short shorts that were ripped-up jeans. My hair was a lot more floppy because it was damp and it annoyingly swung back and forth in my vision. I ran my fingers through my hair to fix that problem as I left my bedroom and walked down the staircase only to find a crowd in the living room. And by crowd? I mean my “family.” I see Grace crying to her father with my mother at his side. It might’ve fooled my mother and stepfather, but Grace’s crocodile tears were the shittiest acting I have ever seen. And I’ve seen a lot of shitty acting.

Oh boy. This’ll be good.