Chapter 107: Time's Threat

My hand trembled as it squeezed the rock tight, I could only picture myself bashing it across Julian’s head, shutting his filthy mouth forever. Unfortunately, when he closed his eyes tightly I snapped out of it. The face of my mother crossed my mind, erasing the violent, bloody image.

*What would she think of me?*

My murderous intent faded like rain pouring on the deadly blaze. I dropped the rock at my side when I realized that Julian wasn’t even going to protect himself, he was just going to let me have my way with him.

*Crazy bastard… what am I doing? I can’t go getting worked up over words, I’m not that kinda person anymore! I’m better than I HAVE to be better than that! I knew he never liked Jack from the beginning, so I shouldn’t be surprised… besides, it’s not like Julian would go as far as to kill him.*

With a shaky exhale as if to let out all of the hot steam within me, I got off of him. “Get the fuck up, Julian. We’re done here.” as furious as I still was over him trash-talking my dead friend, I still felt bad for attempting to fatally harm him so I reached out a hand to help him up.

I was dismayed when I saw the disappointed look on his face. What the fuck? “Look, if you wanna lay in the dirt then that’s fine by me. Have it your way.” my coldness finally got a reaction out of him and he took my hand. It took a lot of strength and focus on my balance to help haul the tall man onto his feet. He was particularly ‘tree-tall’ but I was shorter than an average woman’s size so it made it seem like he had extra height next to me.

There was another moment of silence between us as we stood in place. “...Sukia, what I said–”

“Shut the fuck up, Julian,” I repeated words that I was getting tired of saying. And I hate repeating myself. “For your own good, no, for both of our own goods, just stay the fuck away from me.” I turned my back to him so that I didn’t have to see the devastated look on his face. “You’ve gone too far. That’s for nothing.” after that, I walked away from him back down the path we came. The silence behind me told me that he wasn’t coming. There was that annoying clutch in my chest again.

*Why am I pitying him? There’s nothing to pity, he fucked up all on his own!*

I rubbed the skin under my jawline and hoped that he didn’t leave a hickey. The man knew how to throw my head for a loop, I’ll give him that. For what it’s worth, the beginning of the walk was nice… a peaceful place in the forest. But the jealous bastard just had to ruin it.

*I just need to stop thinking about him and move on. I have more important things to worry about.*


That day I walked away from him was the day he began to avoid me once again, this time more desperately. He stopped coming to dinner completely. Instead of keeping Mom’s trust, he began to suspect something even more between us even though I told her repeatedly that I didn’t know what was going on with him and that he was probably just sick. How could I possibly tell her that it’s all my fault? Again?

It’s been a week. The police are still ‘vigilantly’ investigating the hit and run meanwhile I was doing my own research. Sure, I’ll listen to their police scanners and use my street smarts but I’ll make sure I’m one step ahead. I will find the bastard first and I will kill them with my bare hands. And once I do, I’ll get rid of the body and make it look like it never existed in the first place. I’ll have them wiped from the face of the worth just like the trash they are. I swear it. Even if it costs me my life. Even if it costs me my mother’s love. In a way, I told myself that killing one evil bastard would make this world a little safer for her in case I’m not around anymore to protect her.

But I try not to think that way anymore. It’s too ironic how I take my death so lightly and yet I worry what will become of me.

I still would spend time with the boys and Amy. And though I hated it and wanted to walk away each time, sometimes we would all sit around a fire and tell stories about the stupid, hilarious times they had with Jackie.

I loved it but hated it too. My heart can’t take it. Yet I’ll still never admit how fragile it is.

My one-on-one time with Mom was still the best moment in my life. She was like a ray of sunshine that made the stormy clouds around my head fade away. Me and Gabriel would eventually have a morning chat with some coffee, my cigarette addiction was starting to fade like smoke. He’d occassionally teach my uneducated ass something new and constantly cheered me on about my artwork. As for Grace, we still argued like territorial dogs each time we crossed paths. We were like Pokemon trainers who got into a battle all because they made eye contact. But somehow, I noticed that the sarcasm was starting to entertain me.

And then there was Julian… nothing. Once again, I was starting to miss him. He had a worse addiction than nicotine. And I felt sick… in more ways than one. My nausea hasn’t gone away. Nothing felt right. Something isn’t right.


I flopped into bed with a loud, satisfied sigh after a big meal. My mom really outdone herself again, I’ll never get tired of her cooking. Hell, even Gabriel and Grace had the same reaction as me. My mother glowed at the compliments. Anddd Julian wasn’t there to join in feeding her pride. I knew that he came and got himself a plate after everybody left the dining room but, still.

*Is it wrong that I wish he’d come back? …Yes. It is. Fuck me sideways. The hell is wrong with me?*

The time that has been flying by in the mansion is gradually beginning to grow on me, I kept forgetting to put my knife in my pocket. It annoyed the hell out of me. Time really has been flying by… this place isn’t so bad. Well, when Julian is put in his place. I still feel like shit but… this might be a fine place for Mom to be after all. I still want to go back to the west-side but my promise to her is…

Time. It dawned on me that one thing hasn’t been on time.

*Wait a second… did I have my period?*

I didn’t recall bleeding a waterfall like I usually did at the end of the month. When I checked the date on my phone, my deep confusion began to turn into dread. Holy fuck… I looked towards the bathroom as nausea began to build in me once more. I didn’t want to. I really didn’t want to. But denial doesn’t like me unfortunately so I can’t rely on it. I knew what I had to do.

Each step towards the bathroom felt heavy and my hands felt even heavier when I took the pregnancy test box out of the cabinet and ripped it apart like I did with all my packages. I was clueless about how to use the stick and almost shoved it up inside of me because I’d never done this before. Thankfully I read the directions before my impatience could ruin anything. I did my best to keep my shaking hand steady as soon as I was able to get a few drops of urine on the soft part. Everything about this felt gross.

*There is no way in hell… there’s no way in hell I’m fucking pregnant with Julian’s fucking kid!*

I told myself repeatedly that stuff like that doesn’t happen to people like me. I wanted my answer that would affect the rest of my life to be shown in either one or two lines.