Chapter 98: Sickness's Source

“BLURGH–ACK!” I coughed and gagged, spilling out a handful of crackers I had eaten only half an hour ago into the toilet. The compulsions from my violent vomiting left my body trembling and gasping for air. I hadn’t puked like this since, fuck, I can’t even remember.

“URGH!!” I hacked up the last of what I ate this morning and my stiff body finally started to relax when the compulsions stressing my stomach died down. With a couple more coughs, I spat the vile taste into the toilet and flushed the remnants of my first meal, well–snack, today.

*What a fucking waste…*

Amidst washing my face and brushing my teeth clean, I heard loud knocks on my bedroom door. “Honey?? Are you alright?!”

“I’m–” I coughed while choking on my own toothpaste, “I’m fine! I’m fine, Mom, I’ll be out soon.”

“Are you sure?? I heard you–”

“Mother.”

“Alright, alright.” She was still, but did her best to give me my space. I needed space. My mind was reeling like the puke that had just been flushed down the toilet.

*This is the second time I’ve puked. Am I really that worked up? There’s no way in hell I feel fine!*

After last night, I was wary of Julian now more than ever. I felt like a fool for not taking Amy’s advice and following my instincts. The first suspicious thought that crossed my mind was that Julian was poisoning me somehow. I wouldn’t put it past him. If it meant he could keep me all to himself, then I bet keeping me bedridden would be one of the best ways to do it.

*Motherfucker… I can’t trust anything I eat and drink then?!*

Once I was done cleaning up and put on one of my favorite clothes sets; a basic tank top and skin-tight jeans, I stepped out to go reassure my mother that I was fine. Though I wasn’t sure how much she’d believe me, the woman was ridiculously over-observant. My heavy eyelids and slouched back were merely from exhaustion of not sleeping at all last night– for two reasons too.

Mom was pacing in the kitchen and perked up with surprise and then devastating worry as if she had just seen somebody cut off my arm. “Honey! Why didn’t you tell me you were sick? I told you last night to come get me if you felt worse!”

I leaned my head away from her when she reached for my forehead. “I’m not sick, Mom, I just…” I trailed off as I tried to find a good excuse. I couldn’t exactly tell her that I’ve been avoiding sleeping again or she’ll grill my ass for sure. “It’s just a stomach cold.”

“Oh, my poor baby girl.” my mother leaned down and started to rub my belly like she would when I was still a child. “I’ll make you some so–”

“MOM!” Flustered, I stepped away from her and looked around to make sure nobody saw my mom babying me. Unfortunately, there was one person.

“Oh, no! Are you feeling ok, Sis?” Grace walked into the kitchen with her hand covering her mouth and her eyes widened as if she had just witnessed a dramatic tragedy.

I silently scowled at her while my mom did all of the talking. “She’ll be alright, she just needs some of my homemade soup, it’s my secret recipe!” she said the last part with her nose high with pride.

*How am I related to her again?*

“Oooh, can I have some?” Gabriel’s voice followed as he sat down at the small kitchen table with a giant mug of coffee I had seen him drinking too many times before. There was an excited sparkle in his light blue eyes just at the thought of tasting his wife’s very own secret recipe. “We could hand it down by generations.”

“Aha, perfect idea!” Mom brightened further at the idea while getting out a pot. “Let's see; one for you, one for Suki, Grace–would you like one too?”

“Mom, I really don’t want–”

“Sure, Isabella, that would be great.” Grace gave her a pretty smile while sitting down at her father’s side. Did she agree because she likes my mom’s cooking or just to torment me? Probably both.

“Gotcha.” my mother started going through the cabinets of spices. “This one for flavor and this one for tummy aches…”

“Mom! Seriously, I–”

Gabriel raised his hand as if he were in class. “Can I have broccoli in mine?”

“Gross.” Grace chimed with a click of her tongue, texting her fingers off on her pastel pink phone.

“Broccoli brings out a stronger flavor, I think you’ll like it.” my mom reassured Grace while looking through the bowls. She didn’t even look at me when she addressed me. “You still like purple, right, Suki?”

“What? No, Mom! Listen, I don’t–”

“I like purple.” I knew Gabriel didn’t intentionally mean to keep cutting me off but his random comment made a pulsing headache return to my head.

Grace snorted as she watched me from the corner of her eye, my twitching eye displaying how close the fuse was to reaching the bomb.

*UGH!!!*

“MOM!” I raised my voice this time to get everybody to shut the holes on their faces but before I could snap my complaint, a fifth voice entered the party.

“Mind if I have a bowl too?”

My head spun around when I heard Julian’s voice. The man from last night was gone, he looked like the Julian I had come to know since the first day I met him; handsome grin, welcoming eyes, and a white shirt that matched his flawless features. It was as if that twisted look I had seen on his face last night was nothing but a figment of my messed-up imagination.

*What the fuck is going on…*

Nausea hit me like a punch in the stomach this time. I couldn’t stand around and wait for soup. “I gotta go.” I didn’t even give my mom an explanation or wait for her response. I needed to get out of there NOW or I’ll puke all over the floor.

*Yet again, it’d be cool to watch Grace get down on her knees and clean it up.*

As I attempted to speed walk out of the kitchen, I was halted when Julian placed his hand on my shoulder. A gentle touch as always but firm enough to stop me in my tracks. “Are you alright?” his slim eyebrows furrowed as his beautiful blue eyes looked into mine with affectionate worry. “You’re looking pale.” I saw him eyeing the rings beneath my eyes but thankfully he didn’t bring it up for my sake because my mom would’ve jumped on the topic in half a heartbeat.

I looked away from him sharply, my voice a quiet mumble. “I’m fine. Do you mind taking your hand off of me?”

My reaction and chosen words made everybody in the kitchen fall silent. Our parents were definitely taken off guard to hear my hostile reaction to Julian’s fond gesture. Grace on the other hand hid her delight behind a concentrated face, eyes engrossed on whatever the hell she was looking at on her phone. Usually Julian would play the role, but this time he didn’t move.

Gabriel swapped a worried glance with my mom before speaking to us. “Um, is everything alright?”

“It’s fine!” I unintentionally snapped at the man who had shown me nothing but kindness. My emotions were beginning to whirl in that thunderstorm I dreaded to feel, but it gave me the mental strength I needed to smack Julian’s hand away and push forward.

I heard the group of them beginning to talk as soon as I was out of sight. I may not have been able to identify their words, but I could hear their voices. Mom and Gabriel sounded worried, well, Mom mostly fretting. Grace was probably making a smart-ass comment. As for Julian… the genius actor probably already had everybody wrapped around his finger, believing every word he said as he spoke his reassurance. He has to. If he didn’t, he’d crash and burn along with me.

*I need to get out. I need air. I just need some fucking air and a cigarette! FUCK!*

My headache was throbbing worse. Why can’t I get a hold of myself?! I checked my text messages and conversations. Jack still was the only one who wasn’t responding to me. Of all the fucking times! Sure, I got my own car I could drive now, but I liked it when he picked me up…

“Honey?” my mother’s sweet, familiar voice made me whirl around. “Are you alright?” her summer-leaf green eyes filled with that familiar hesitation, the same look from last night. “I thought I heard you scream last night… what’s really going on between you and Julian?”