Chapter 64: Accept My Love

The door swung open before I could even touch it and it startled me at first. And there stood Julian, still half-naked but at least he had soft PJ pants on. I couldn’t see what the flickering light was in his bedroom but it reflected off of his taut figure in a way that I could only call majestic. It was hard to look away from and I saw that familiar blue fire back in his eyes again but this time they looked more enticed, I’d even say almost excited. It made me sweat but I kept my usual feisty demeanor.

“Damn. That was fast. You gotta tracker on my ass?”

“I saw your shadow beneath my door.” his simple comment still surprised me. It didn’t even cross my mind that the moonlight from the nearby windows would cast my shadow. Before I could give a snarky response, he took me by my arm and pulled me into his room then locked the door behind himself again. By now I was wondering if it had become a habit to spend longer alone time together with no interruptions.

I didn’t even get the chance to think about what I was going to say as an answer to his earlier question when he stepped closer to me. Without warning I felt his firm hands land on my hips and slowly slide their way upward, feeling my hourglass figure as they traveled from my waist to my ribcage. I blushed and looked away from him with awkward stubbornness. “Julian… I didn’t come here so that you can feel all up on me. Do you mind?”

“Sorry.” his breathy apology was rid of an exhale. My complaint didn’t stop him from pulling me into his body where my cheek could lay flat against his chest and he wrapped his strong arms around me, even swaying us back and forth as if he were rocking me or doing some kind of weird slow dance.

*I’m starting to have regrets…* I peek around his bedroom to the best of my ability from where I stood smooshed against his chest. My curiosity over the flickering lights just happened to be candles, the amount of melted wax told me that they were probably lit the moment he came back to his room. When I looked at his bed I saw there were rose petals scattered on the blanket and a few were on the floor as if they had just been rushedly tossed there. *Ok. Having bigger regrets…*

“Those roses… where did you get them? I know I burned them all.” I commented while trying to pull my head away from his chest.

“A few survived,” he murmured as he pressed his face down onto the top of my head, breathing in the scent of my hair so strongly that it tickled my scalp. “It just goes to show that some roses are stronger than others. Though I’ll admit they had some of the biggest thorns I’ve ever dealt with before… it was a pain.”

*Why do I get the feeling that he’s talking about something more than the stupid flowers?* Swaying back and forth was starting to make me dizzy so he slid his hands up my back, one of them reaching through the collar of my baggy sweater and playing with the stray, damp locks of hair that fell out of my loose bun. “You came to me with an answer?” his voice sounded kind and patient but his movements spoke otherwise.

“I…” My entire face burned so hot that I was beginning to get a fierce headache. *Fuck me sideways, man.* I was beyond embarrassed. I couldn’t believe I, of all people, was buckling to these kinds of feelings. “I am… ah…” I struggled to find the right way to describe what I wanted without sounding like a completely awkward, dumbass. My shoulders unintentionally sagged as I mumbled what was really on my mind. “...You’re a fucking idiot, Julian, ya know that? To feel that way about me, you… fuck. If you had any *idea* of the type of person I really am then you’d think twice about… about what you feel for me.” I subconsciously sighed. “I’m not a good person, Julian. I’m far from it.”

“It’s the other way around if you really think that. You have no idea of who you are, Suki. I’ve been watching you. You,” he grinned as if he were trying to reframe himself from chuckling as he talked. “You’re the thorniest rose I’ve ever met. And yet… the sweetest scented and reddest one too.”

“Julian…” my embarrassment grew as I avoided eye contact. My distraction from being flustered shifted into being startled when he swooped me off of my feet faster than I could blink. “Wh- Julian!”

Julian sat me down on his bed and, to my dismay, he got down on one of his knees before lifting my leg by the ankle and kissing up my shin. If I could blush any harder I would definitely be the color of the roses lying around me.

*Oh, shit, when’s the last time I shaved!?* I stared closely at my legs and then held in a sigh of relief. *Thank fuck, recently.*

The familiar smooth texture of his soft lips grazing up my leg made my toes curl and I did my best not to squirm from the ticklish feeling and the other feelings I was stubbornly trying to ignore. “The hell is this? Getting me hot and heavy for some more good ole sex?”

He looked up at me from where he crouched on the floor, his lips almost reaching my thighs until he stopped to answer my question. “Showing my love for you.”

*Your– wait. What? What??*

Before I could get the chance to express myself on how I felt about that, my legs jolted when his kisses reached my thigh and his lips were replaced by the tender slide of his tongue the higher he went up my thigh. My hand quickly flies down towards his head to keep it from coming up any higher but he retaliates, grabbing a hold of my wrist and pinning it to my side. “Julian!” My protest fell on deaf ears as his mouth slid up high enough where it could slip beneath my baggy sweater and towards a warm place that hadn’t felt that touch since I got to this damned mansion.

I shrieked and squirmed while trying to close my legs futilely. *Oh— fuck!!* I cursed the entire situation until Julian’s hands rested on my thighs, stopping their wiggling just like that. When his tongue was removed from my most sensitive area, he looked up at me with blue eyes that had a fire rapidly heating up deep inside.

“Why do you keep resisting? I know you like it—”

“I don’t like— shit. Damn it, I didn’t want…!” I couldn’t get my protested complaints to come spilling out, no matter how much I wanted to. He was right. I *did* want it and I liked it just as much but it’d shatter what’s left of my pride if I did that.

His grip around my wrist eased up and slid down to my fingers. “It’s because your guard is up.” He spoke something that had never crossed my mind before. “Your guard is always up… ever since you got here and I’m sure long before that.” He picked up my hand and kissed my knuckles the same way he had multiple times in the past. “Relax, just for tonight. You won’t regret it and you’ll feel a lot better.” His breath slipped between my fingers from where his lips still barely touched my skin. He looked up at me one more time. “I’ll take care of you. I promise.”

*You fucking promise?* My first reaction was distrust and not to trust him any farther than I could throw him. It was my instinct in every situation when somebody told me to trust them because they promised. In a way, the instinct felt the same as an animal surviving in the wild. Something that was hard to break, even if you wanted to.

Julian could see the emotional war reflected in my green eyes and took the liberty of deciding for me. It took every vein in my body to not slap his hand away and allow him to slowly lay my back onto his bed using his hand on my chest. What came next was out of my control.