Chapter 66: Save Me From Here

It burns.

Something is burning my skin.

*Is it the fire again? Am I back in hell?*

I’m surrounded by an infinite black, stuck in a never-ending void. It was nothing but me and the fire that surrounded me.

*I’ll never leave this place… I’ll be stuck here forever even after I die. My well-deserved punishment for being the bad guy.*

I flinched and shrieked when the fire grew closer to me and licked at my flesh.

*It hurts! It’ll eat me alive! I gotta get outta here!*

I turned to run but only came face-to-face with a wall of fire that seemed to grow larger and larger along with the rest of the flames that surrounded me.

*I’m not dying here…! I refuse!*

I find the thinnest of pathways and race through it at a speed as if I were running a marathon, determined to live. Determined to cling on to this miserable, pathetic life. A life that had been given so many good things, given unconditional love and support, but every last one of them fails to see that I’m not worthy of such wealth– the wealth known as love.

The pathways that I found and chose were specific ones, paths that would lead me uphill towards a pitch black sky with not an ounce of light to prove that I had the opportunity to grasp for peace in this hell.

*Fire doesn’t go uphill, right?*

I didn’t know, but that’s what I told myself. What I begged myself– as if trying to convince myself that was the truth either way. And my silent begs were answered when I rose above the fire.

*Is there really a way out of this place? Can I really get away from here? Does light even exist in this place?*

And then the thought of the whole reason why I ran through these flames in the first place was because of one person that I had kept chasing after for years. By now, I’ve told myself it's just the ghost of the man whose back I kept chasing through these hellish flames.

*Dad… is Dad still here? I can’t leave this place if he is. I have to get him outta here!*

As I struggled to decide whether or not to climb back down into the dreadful heat or accept the fact that I was the only person cursed to stay in this place, I heard my name barely whispered behind my head.

“Daddy??” Before I could spin around to see who it was, I felt two hands on my back that shoved my smaller body with ease, shoving me off of the high ground that I had hoped was my safety and into the pit of flames that silently called for my inevitable death.

I screamed so loudly that it felt as if my vocal cords would burst until a sudden hand grabbed my mouth tightly silently. I thrashed around in the heat in a violent attempt to get out of my cage until I heard my name shouted louder in my ringing ears.

“SUKIA!! Snap out of it!" It took me a second to recognize Julian’s voice and the black void instantly turned into a blinding white before settling in the familiar room. My thrashing and screaming came to a stop when I realized my cage was Julian’s arms and the heat was from his body too.

The feeling of falling didn’t leave my consciousness and my body uncontrollably shook in a cold sweat, my teeth chatting as I hyperventilated, unable to get a word out.

“God, Suki!” Julian looked more startled than I’ve ever seen him look before and without hesitation he scooped me up in his arms, taking me to his bathroom. He ran cold water in the bathtub and set my sweat-soaked body in it to cool me down. “Shh, slow your breathing or you’re going to faint. Deep breaths.”

Like when I had waking panic attacks at Amy’s apartment, I did the same thing I would do with her by taking deep breaths from my nose to my mouth. “F– f– fucking hell…” I cursed as soon as I was mentally stable enough to speak.

Julian watched me worriedly. “Sukia… about what your mom said last night. Maybe you really should–”

“I’m not taking fucking medication and I’m not going to fucking therapy. Mind your own business, Julian.” My feisty snap was nothing more than a breathless whisper that didn’t sound threatening in the slightest. Nonetheless, he still pressed his hand against my cheek and I subconsciously leaned my head onto it and closed my eyes as my body temperature cooled off in the cold water. He stayed at my side the entire time until I had completely calmed down.

Once I was back to my old self, which a lot of people say is a bad thing, I turned my head away from him while mumbling under my breath. “Uh… thanks… really.”

For a brief second Julian looked surprised that I would show him the slight hint of gratitude and then a smile stretched on his handsome face. Instead of saying anything, he leaned down and kissed my cheek and began to burn up the moment his lips touched my skin.

“Why’re you doing all of this for me…? Fuck, Julian. Most asshats up and leave by now. I treat you like shit. Why are you still here?”

“I already told you last night,” he murmured while brushing my chin and then standing up. “I’ll be right back.” comes his last words before leaving me by myself in the bathroom.

*Because you love me? Shit… you’re bout as crazy as I am then.* I slid down to the top till my mouth was underwater, a few bubbles rising in the process. That was the first time I had a dream where somebody tried to harm me. Usually, I ended up burning because of my desperation or just… being a very unlucky person, like always. But this time there was somebody else there that was the reason I was swallowed by those flames.

*Now that I think about it… I assumed it was my dad’s voice. But was it really? Why would I have a dream about him trying to kill me? I can’t remember what the voice sounded like…* My mind instantly turned to my mother. *Shit, did she hear me? Or did Julian shut my ass up before she could?*

Julian returned to me with a towel and my sweater from last night, right on time since my body was beginning to get covered in goosebumps. He held out his hands and I warily took them, keeping my guard up out of habit but that bad knack of mine ended as soon as he laid his hand on top of my damp head. “Come on, I’ll make you something to eat. Do you want coffee or a cigarette with that?”

I avoided eye contact as I gave a sheepish mumble. “...Coffee.”

*I’m totally going soft. Why didn’t I ask for a bottle of liquor? Wait a sec. How does he even know that I’ve been craving coffee in the morning?* My first thought was that he had been eavesdropping on me and Gabriel’s conversation but I quickly told myself that I’m just overthinking things again and need to put a little bit more faith into the man that was trying so hard to take care of my pathetic ass. Only Amy had seen me at my worst since I was usually awake almost 24/7 when I was out with the boys or the gang I was a part of. But now that Julian knew the extent of my torment within my dreams, somehow, I felt a little better.

Right as he went to leave, I grabbed his wrist and he stopped, looking down at me with no surprise or confusion, the only exception of anything that was to come from me. “Suki?”

With a deep breath I rose onto my toes and kissed his cheek.