Chapter 106: My Darkest Part

*Holy shit!*

My heart began to race again but for a different reason. I refuse to admit that I’m afraid. I’m not afraid of anything. But I couldn’t deny that I was starting to panic. “What the fuck?! Get the fuck off of me! JULIAN!!”

We’ve been in a position like this before where he tried to lean down on me and the only way I could keep the distance between us was by pushing against his shoulders, turning my arms into stiff pillars but I didn’t realize that he was holding back at the time until he grabbed my wrists and held them down, the grip was tight enough to make my fingers go numb.

“GET OFF!!” I furiously screamed this time as I thrashed my legs, but I already knew that physically fighting back was pointless in the position we were in. Right now he had full control and, unfortunately, I left my knife behind AGAIN. I had been doing that more often lately, just straight up forgetting about my handy best friend because, you guessed it, I’ve become stupidly soft. But that wasn’t going to stop me. “I swear to FUCK, Julian, if you don’t get the fuck off of me, you’ll regret it! I’ll make you regret ever meeting me! I’ll make you regret being born a fucking dude!”

“Do it.” My furious glare blinked wide when he stared down at me with a sad smile. “If I get to be marked by you forever, then any pain is worth it.”

I was dead silent for a moment as I tried to process what he just said. “You’re fucking whacked, man. If you had any idea what I’m capable of, what I’ve done, you wouldn’t be saying shitty shit like that!”

“Do it.” he sounded like he was begging this time as he released my wrists and leaned up. I could hear my heartbeat in my eardrums when he took off his white t-shirt. I could never get tired of seeing his toned, defined biceps. My heart rate increased further when he began to unbuckle his jeans and pull down his boxers just far enough to see the faint traces of dark blonde hair. “Please. Show me what you do to those that cross you. I want to feel it.” he leaned down a little and whispered as if he were trying to make sure nobody overheard him. “Do to me what you did to that filthy drug dealer.”

My heart was beating so fast that I was starting to get dizzy. I could not comprehend for the life of me what the hell was going on. People run, not beg! I did like BDSM, but… the thought of carving an S on his chest didn’t feel like it’d bring pleasure to me. Even if I did have my knife on me. I turned my head away from him, and my heart rate finally slowed down to a calmer pace. “...I can’t. I can’t do that.”

The heated desire and lust in his hypnotizing blue eyes turned foggy. “Is it not enough? I can handle–”

“No, you weird fucker!” my angry shout didn’t show any source of hostility on my face. It was embarrassing, and I hated myself for feeling this way, but I might as well be blunt so that he doesn’t keep futility trying. “I don’t want to hurt you, alright?”

We stayed in the same position in silence for seconds, which felt like centuries. I was just as confused as he was. Why would I feel like this? It doesn’t make sense. I should be wanting to cut off his dick and shove it up his ass! What the hell is wrong with me?

“I knew you still love me.” his pants turned into a satisfied sigh as he leaned down and kissed my neck. It was the only obvious explanation, even an onlooker when thinking the same thing. But it wasn’t. I don’t know what it was.

*Still?! You’re stubborn ass…!*

I closed my eyes tightly when I felt his teeth graze my throat, but I remained strong. “Will you chill the fuck out and get the fuck off of me already? This shit itches and I don’t want bugs crawling in my hair!”

“It’s alright, Beautiful. I’ll take care of you,” he repeated words that he’s been saying since day one. I felt my heart rate spike again as unwanted lust stirred inside of me the moment he started sucking on the skin beneath my jaw, tilting my head back further and making my neck uncomfortably vulnerable.

*Oh, my fucking shit, hell!*

It was becoming obvious that no matter what I said, the perfect genius was going to think up an answer before the excuse even left my lips so I had no choice but to push buttons I’I’deen avoiding until now. “You got another camera hidden somewhere?”

Julian froze in place right as he was in the middle of fondling my breasts. I could tell he wasn’t expecting that, and he didn’t have an answer for it either. Not unless he wanted to lie to my face.

“You fucking do, don’t you? You fucking asshole!” I shouted again with anger, believing that I was right. I may not see it, but I wouldn’t doubt it since Julian had already planned to take me here to begin with. “First the dog collar, now this?! You didn’t even ask for my permission! Do you know how fucked up that is?? You think I want you on me knowing that I can’t trust your ignorant ass?!”

Julian was still silently frozen in place until I was done yelling at him. When he leaned off of me, the desperate, lustful look in his eyes changed into something darker. My heart jumped. I’ve seen that look before in those burning blue embers and shit gets ugly real fast.

“You think I didn’t know you were snooping around under my bed? For someone who grew up on the streets, I thought you’d be more skilled at not leaving behind traces.”

My jaw clutched as I met his gaze head-on, fire against fire. The thought of him letting me go that day brought the imagination of him changing his mind and dragging me out from under the bed by my ankles. I refused to show weakness. “I wouldn’t have to snoop around if you stopped giving me reasons.” I gave him that same cruel look when I told him that he was not my boyfriend or my brother, but a fucking burden. “Jack was wrong. There’s nothing about you that would’ve made us a good couple. He must’ve been high on something that day.”

Julian leaned back down to my face again, all desire gone. A chill went up my spine as my body stiffened up. He whispered again, quieter this time as if he was trying to get me to not hear his words either. “And that’s why he’s dead.”

The moment those words left his mouth, I felt a surge of lava flow through me, starting at my stomach, something I hadn’t felt in years and something I almost had gotten deep into trouble too. “You bastard!” *The nerve of this fucker, speaking his name when he knows how I feel! He knows how much I’m hurting! He KNOWS what’s going on in my head! How could he say such a thing to me?!* That willpower I was lacking came back as enough adrenaline-fueled strength gave me the power to kick my legs more fiercely, one of my knees slamming into his crotch. I could feel my bony kneecap smash against his balls and erection.

Julian cried out in pain. Like all the other men I’ve ever kicked in the nuts, it’s as if their life force just shrunk into the pain and he toppled over. His weakness gave me the power to shove him off of me. Still blinded by rage, it was my turn to mount him and I sat on his abs, subconsciously reaching for a solid rock and holding it up high for a lethal strike.