Chapter 111: Unpredictable Light Switch

I quickly stepped in the way to hide the box from his view. “Do you mind? It’s none of your business!”

*Fuck! Did he see what the box said?!*

The curiosity in his eyes, which almost looked innocent, shifted into something else that I couldn’t describe. It was obvious that I was trying to hide the box from him. Now he was deciding on whether to play along or turn a blind eye. The silence between us didn’t help my anxiety in the slightest, and I could feel my nausea returning. It was as if my body was a bottomless pit of vomit. Julian eventually reached out toward my face, and I flinched until he rested the palm of his hand on my cheek.

“You look flushed.” his hand slowly moved down until his fingers slowly slid across the bottom of my jaw. “Do you want me to stay with you tonight? I know how much of a toll your nightmares take on you. Let me help you, Beautiful.”

I slapped his hand away the moment he called me Beautiful. “Fucking hell, Julian, I have TOLD you to stop calling me that!” my snap practically only had one tone when talking to him.

As always, Julian looks unphased by my natural hostility. “Will a walk through the forest ease your nerves?”

I bit my tongue when an immediate answer almost slipped out. *Yes.* That walk… that time with him. If there was something you could call magical, it was that moment. Before he ruined it anyway…

“I… no, I don’t feel too good tonight.” my mumble at least proved that I didn’t hate the idea.

“Come here.” I was taken by surprise when he grabbed my hands and led me to the bed. Julian pulled me into his embrace as he sat down on the bed and rolled me onto my side, flopping my head on his lap.

*This feels familiar. Not that I’m complaining. It’s like his scent can comatose you.*

“What’s this?” Julian’s voice snapped me out of my daze as he pointed to the door that led out to the balcony. *Welp, here comes my anxiety again.* There was still broken glass on the floor. I thought I had picked it all up. I didn’t want anybody to ask any questions, so I just covered the hole with some duct tape and hoped for the best. “Is your door broken?”

“I slammed it too hard.” I lied through my teeth and hoped that Julian would believe me. Surely he couldn’t figure it out–that’s how I escaped his room, right? Right?? “I was in a mood. Can’t remember what pissed me off.”

“Was it me?”

The tease in his voice made me scoff. “Yeah. Fucking probably.”

He lightly chuckled as he twirled my curly hair around his finger. I lay there, my emotions as perplexed as ever. *Do I just lay here and take it? Do I kick him out? Why do I feel so awful each time I push him away?* Stupid question. The memories of him holding me when I was at my lowest and even the way he held and danced with me when I was grieving Jack’s death. The adoring look in his eyes. The *love*, so he calls it. I believe that it’s love. But I don’t believe that it’s the type of love that I need in my life.

“Sukia. About our talk the other day…” his words were hesitant for a good reason. He was talking to me, after all.

“Our *talk*, you say? You called that a fucking *talk?*”

A tired sigh escaped him as if he were the one growing tired of running in circles. *The audacity of this fucker. I should be sighing like that, not him!*

“I admit, I got carried away. I’ve already told you before that I… you can’t even fathom the feelings I have for you.”

His voice had an edge that made me uncomfortable. It reminded me of during our talk when he told me he would die and even kill somebody for me. I may have been sarcastic about it at the time, but deep down? I don’t think this dude was joking.

“I can fathom obsession when I see it,” I grumbled with my usual grouchiness. My sarcasm ended with a yelp when he gave my hair a rough tug. “Ow! What the fuck? You know I’m tender-headed!”

“Do you know how it feels when I pour my heart out to you but you keep rejecting me?” his other hand ran down my body; from my ribs to my waist, reaching my wide hips, and then resting on one of my buttocks.

“Julian…” *I think it’s time you fucked off out of my room.* I couldn’t get the rest of my words to come out. Why can’t I say it?? I’m not scared and I’m not intimidated! I’m not afraid of anything! My ‘reassuring’ thoughts ended with another yelp when he tightly squeezed the cheek, rough enough to leave a red mark that I’ll see the next time I pull down my pants and look at the skin. I abruptly sat up to tell him off, but his grip tightened around my curly hair the moment I even tried. “Ow! Fucking let go!”

Julian pulled my head up closer to his. “Do you have ANY idea what it feels like to have your reason to live strangled out of you??” the look in his beautiful blue eyes was starting to change into something darker, a look I have seen far too many times and it made my unease grow every single time.

*It’s like he flipped like a light switch again! What the fuck is going on?!*

I struggled against his grip again with one of my hands tightly gripping his wrist. “I said fucking let go!” when he didn’t loosen his grip, my dumbass snarled more hateful words without the thought: ‘bad idea to provoke him’ crossing my mind. “I see you still haven’t changed. Nothing but a fucking burden! Get the fuck out! I’m getting sick of looking at you!”

Julian’s grip tightened around my hair, his eyes cold as he froze in place. The bigger human was like a fucking statue compared to my petite body, still struggling to break free from this awkward position. Unexpectedly, his eyes softened up, and he released my hair. I flopped down onto his lap with a pained grunt, but I didn’t even have enough time to catch my breath when he embraced me tightly in his muscular arms and buried his face in my shoulder. “I’m sorry, Beautiful. I’ve just been very stressed as of late.”

*Very fucking stressed?!* Again, my sassy retort remained jailed away inside my messed-up head. My silence apparently was proof that I wasn’t extremely pissed off at him and he began to kiss my neck again, nibbling at my sweet spot. My body shivered at the arousing sensation, but it wasn’t enough to snap me out of my anger. I elbowed Julian in the chest with an angered shout. “Motherfucker! What the fuck do you think you’re doing?!”

Julian’s grip loosened around me as his dark blonde brows knitted together in confusion. “What’s wrong, Beautiful?”

“I told you to STOP fucking calling me that!”

The gorgeous man who was still my stepbrother by-law wasn’t even phased by my furious shout. To me, the look in his eyes resembled a person who had just been pulled out of a completely different situation and plopped right into this one. “I’m sorry?”

I gawked at him as my resistance died with my anger. *What the fuck? What the fuck?? Julian isn’t stupid! What the fuck is going on?!*

“Oh! Right.” Julian reminded me of my mom when an invisible light bulb popped above her head. “You must be tired. I’ll let you rest. I hope you feel better in the morning… you still look sickly.”

*Well, gee, I wonder why!*

Julian gently laid me back down on my bed, where my head could rest on my overly fluffy pillow. When his face leaned down towards mine, I closed my eyes tightly seconds before his soft lips pressed against my lush ones. I held my breath as he leaned a little farther up and took in a deep inhale, breathing in my scent through my hair. I squeezed the sheets tightly, preparing for what was to come.