Chapter 69: "I want you."

*Is this really what I want?*

I wasn’t sure. I was still struggling to trust him, but at the same time, I struggled to trust everybody in my life. Unfortunately, that meant my closest friends and family too, it made me feel guilty. But if I started here, could that pitiful part of me be changed? As uncertain as I was, I did know what part of me wanted and so I finally spoke my desire out loud.

“I want you.”

*I really hope I don’t come to regret this… I’d rather die than be proven a fool.*

As extreme as my words were, they felt as if they meant nothing when his grin turned into a tender smile. He placed his hand beneath my chin and tilted my head upward to make it easier for the both of us to kiss. I guess I could understand why he thought the smell of my sweat smelled good. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think he smelt really good too.

Our lips moved in slow motion as I allowed him to take the lead and I regretted doing so the moment he unlocked our lips. Julian pressed his forehead against mine as his eyes burned into my olive-green gaze. The sparks of blue embers in his eyes changed into a look I couldn’t describe but for some reason, it left a dreadful feeling in my gut. “It looks like you’re dating me now, Spitfire.”

I could tell he was using the old nickname he gave me on purpose instead of Beautiful but it didn’t make me feel any better. Despite all of my wary instincts giving me red flags, I ignored them all. Maybe I’ve been dancing with danger for too long and coming to this comfy, safe mansion has been turning me soft. I’m no tamed pup, I’ll forever be nothing but a savage wolf that’s fucking all of the good things up instead of leaving them be.

*I think Julian realizes I can’t be tamed.*

“I won’t tell a soul about us, I promise.” our eye contact broke be he tilted his head up and kissed my forehead. The feeling that overcame me could only be described as my heart melting. I was finally starting to understand why I didn’t want to leave him. It was because he made me feel all of these emotions I’d never felt before. They felt good. And they felt addicting. I’d go as far as to say they’re as addicting as a drug. A drug that has no overdose, right? “At least not until you're ready.”

“Your ass is gonna be waiting for a long while then.” my grouchy grumble got a chuckle out of him as he continued to play with my hair. I could feel his hot breath roll down my neck and I almost shivered from the hypnotic feeling.

He stepped away from me and held my hands again. “Come with me. I want to show you something.” I tilted my head curiously but didn’t protest as he led me off out of his room. As I expected, he was keeping a close eye out for any spying eyes yet kept holding my hand. To my dismay, he was actually leading me to a different part of the mansion that I’d never been through before.

*Actually, maybe I have? When I walk around in the middle of the night I don’t really pay attention to where I’m going.*

If anything, it was an area that I’ve come through a few rare times during my entire stay. Julian stopped in front of an old-looking door and gestured to it with a wave of his hand. “Here you go.”

I squinted up at him suspiciously. “What’s this? Some secret BDSM fuck room?”

My crude comment made his handsome face flushed but he kept his cool all the same. “It’s a present, go look.”

“Hmph,” I grunted before going instead. The door creaked as I slowly opened it and my eyes widened with surprise when I saw what was inside.

The room looked old, it clearly hadn’t been used in a long time. The cracked wooden floor panels were proof of that. There were no curtains on the windows and sunlight shone in at its brightest, the little particles of dust flying in it almost looked like magical sparkles. Throughout the room were blank canvases along with a big table and comfy-looking chair. From paint to chalk, pens, and markers. Everything a pro artist could need. Hell, I even saw a little tablet meant for drawing on the corner of the table, and by the look of it, I could tell it was the latest version of whatever fancy brand it came from.

“Holy shit…” my hands subconsciously flew to my head. “Is this all mine??” I whirled around and looked up at him with shock. “Dude– I’m not a professional! I just fucked around with assholes by graffiti their joints!”

“I call that a start.” he placed his big hands on my small shoulders and turned me around before lightly pushing me toward the table that had a tower of sketchbooks and notebooks. “It’s everything you’ll ever need. I asked Dad if I could put this together for you. I figured you’d prefer natural light so I didn’t bother putting up any curtains.”

“Oh my fucking god.” with my hands still on my head they slowly ran down my hair as I tried to process what was going on. “Shitting fuck, Julian, I… there’s no way I can accept all of this. No way in hell.”

Julian leaned down to murmur in my ear but it sounded firmer this time. “It’s yours whether you like it or not.”

A frown settled on my heart-shaped lips. It was indeed a sight, the complete opposite of dirty brick buildings. Staring at it now I was actually starting to miss all of those abandoned and rundown buildings and shops. That filthy atmosphere was nothing compared to this. The only word I could think of to describe this dusty, old room is beautiful. It may look like a stupid storage room to somebody like Grace but I had my mother’s keen eye for hidden beauty when I saw it.

I rubbed the back of my neck with awkward bashfulness that I hated to feel. “...Thanks.. It’s nice.”

Julian’s grin held satisfaction as he kissed my cheek. His hands on my shoulders slid down my waist and rested on my wide hips. Every area he touched on my body left behind a sensation that was hard to ignore as if he were leaving behind traces of bolts. My body jolted when his hands slid down lower and slid up beneath my sweater then grabbed my hips more firmly. “You’ve been wearing this for a while. Don’t you think you should change into some daytime clothes?”

“I’ll change into daytime clothes when I feel like it's time for daytime.” I gave another grouchy grumble until a thought crossed my mind. “Ah, shit…” I accidentally spoke my realization out loud.

“What’s wrong, babe?”

I flinched at that single word. Gross. “I told my friends I’d hang with them today.” I already knew the plan the moment those words left my mouth. Then again, all of them except for Amy still think he’s my boyfriend. My lips pursed with anxiety when I thought about Jack though.

I expected Julian to give the same reaction he always gave, that puppy pout when things weren’t going his way but instead, he pulled me closer to his body again. “I have to share you already?” before I could react, he gripped my hips more tightly and sat me on the table.

*Thinking I’m “his” is making him more handsy. Fuck’s sake.*

“Julian, you know damn well I’m not gonna ditch my fr– wh– *hey!*” I protested when he spread my legs and grind his crotch against mine, his hands pinning me in place as he kissed down my neck. My blushing cheeks made my words look like lies. “Horny fucker, wait! Ah!” I couldn’t stop a breath moan from escaping me when he touched all of the right places, practically memorizing them by now. The way he niddled my neck in a certain spot made my willpower too weak to push him away. “You… piece of shit…”

Even his passionate kisses weren’t enough to keep my voice down when he got rougher with me. The biggest mistake of a lifetime was when we heard a familiar voice as the door swung open.

Grabiel walked in with the biggest smile when he heard my voice. “Sukia! What do you think of–” his smile dropped like a rock when he saw us.