Chapter 84: Midnight Art

*Hang out? Again?? Shit. You’d think he’d be too disappointed after last time. He knows I ain’t lookin’ for a lover and now…*

I grimaced as Julian crossed my mind. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I really didn’t want a romantic relationship with the man who was legally supposed to be my stepbrother. Truthfully, I was beginning to feel confused. I didn’t know what I wanted from Julian, but at the same time I…

I ran my hand over my face as if I were trying to wake myself up before texting Liam back. “Yea sure I’ll lyk when I’m free”

*Yeah right, who knows when that’ll be… even now I still can’t get Julian out of my head.*

“OK! Just lmk!” even with a handful of words, I could hear his optimistic enthusiasm. He was looking forward to seeing my dumbass again.

*Fucking men, for real.*

I dropped my phone into the sheets and buried my face into the cover. For a brief second, I could feel my eyelids get heavy, but I quickly snapped them awake with a rough shake of my head.

*Fuck, you lose the last of your marbles!? You can’t sleep!*

I reminded myself that I didn’t want to have to go through any more of those vicious nightmares. I could withstand a lot of things, but my nightmares rattled me to my core. Nothing could shake me up as badly as they do. Walking the hallways all on my lonesome at 3 a.m. with music blaring in my ears sounded nice, but I didn’t want to run into Julian again. And as much as I loved my mother, I didn’t want to be bothered by her or anybody else either.

So I waited a few hours in my bedroom, jacking around on my phone and staring out the window with enough boredom that I could feel myself rotting inside. Eventually, I heard my mother and Gabriel get home; I heard them laugh and talk in jolly tones before going to their bedroom. It warmed my heart to hear how happy my mother was. It was all I ever wanted. Once I heard no more noises from them and it was dark outside, I threw on some booty shorts so that I was not out in my tight tank top and undies.

With a quiet creak of my bedroom door, I looked both ways down the hallway before leaving and heading to the part of the hallway that I had never really taken until now. It was embarrassing to even admit it to myself, but… my new art room was intriguing to me. The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to see it again without any interruptions.

Unlike the other doors that had polished doors with tidy engravings, this door looks far older and dirtied with dust as if it hadn’t been used in a long time. I wonder what used to be in this room before my arty shit? Not like it matters… Right as that question entered and left my head, a new thought crossed my mind. Did it have something to do with Julian’s mother…? My chest twisted at the thought of him and what happened to their mother. She may have not been dead, but to not be beloved by your mother was…

I shook the thought out of my head and went into my art studio. It looked even more beautiful at night. With: Pouring into the room, the perfect amount of moonlight is facilitated by the multiple, enormous windows—natural lightning. The full moon reflected in my olive green eyes as I walked over and placed my hand on the window, awestruck by the view of the stars above the treelines, the opposite direction from where the east-side neighborhoods were. The view reminded me of something out of a fairytale.

*Damn… you don’t see things like this often on the west-side.*

When I grew up, the streetlights didn’t grace us with these dazzling stars. Even the moon was usually blocked out by the tall brick buildings. Staring out the windows made me begin to feel bad.

*Do I deserve to see such beauty…? No. So why am I gifted it?*

Gabriel was too kind to me, kindness somebody like me didn’t deserve. But even if I told him to stop it, I knew he wouldn’t. I turned my attention back to the tall, white canvas and the trays of stuff I could use to paint and draw on the wooden table.

*Might as well have some fun… it’s not like anybody will notice. Right?*

If somebody did, I would fucking die of embarrassment. My heart would crawl out of my chest and stab itself a dozen times, then toss itself into a burning dumpster.

*Fuck, I’m extreme.*

I absolutely had nooo idea what the hell I was doing, but I still took the bottles of pants and squirted them out onto a tray with circle indentions in it.

*This goes here, right?*

I have a faint memory of these things from when I was a child. When times were still good. When Dad was still around…

Somehow, I already knew what I was going to pain without even thinking about my options. With the basic colors black and white, I put one canvas in front of the window and began to paint the view that had made me stop and gawk past the glass. And surprisingly, all of that graffiti I strayed all over buildings just to fuck with people had paid off. This was easy. And… inspiring to do more. To be something more.

When I was done with my careful strokes and attentive splats, my work wasn’t a masterpiece, but it made me proud to look at.

*Proud of an art piece? What a joke. What the hell am I becoming??*

My past almost hits me as hard as a punch to the gut and I was about to take the artwork and throw it out the window but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Instead, I picked it up and stared at it longer.

I wonder what Mom would think? I know Dad would love it. He loved every achievement I made… my heart twisted at the thoughts of my parents. And then that one forbidden thought that will forever piss me off crossed my mind. I wonder what Julian would think… knowing him, of course, he’d love it and tell me to keep painting. That fire full of annoying frustration in my stomach faded into a gentle warmth in my chest, calming the pain from thinking about my parents that I’m convinced I’ve let down.

“Fuck… what am I doing?” I mumbled while setting the painting back down. When I didn’t have music blaring in my ears and I was all alone, my mind had a dangerous habit of wandering and it always wandered into the darkest places of my corrupted soul.

I jolted when I heard the old creaking sound of the wooden door and when I spun around; I wasn’t surprised at all to see who it was. “Julian…”

When Julian walked inside, he looked at the eroded hinges that kept making the door squeak. “So that’s why they’re so loud. They’re all rusted up. I’ll have to fix that.” his hypnotizing blue eyes landed back on me and he smiled sweetly. “Suki.” his personality right now was like he was a completely different man compared to earlier. I didn’t know if this was mood swings or what, but it was giving me whiplash.

“What’re you doing up so late?” my voice was wary as he approached me, the memory of the last time we were alone in here together crossed my mind but this time I had wet paint all over the table and didn’t want my clothes to get wet. However, this time, Julian’s attention was fixated on the painting behind me.

His eyes widened with the same awe I had earlier when looking up at the full moon. “Did you draw this?”

“Uh…” I felt a blush burn my cheeks as I sheepishly rubbed the back of my neck and looked away from him. “Yeah… what of it?”

“God, Suki, it’s beautiful!” there was intense emotion in his soft murmur as if he were looking at the most eye pleasuring thing in the whole world.

*Pfft. You’re far more beautiful than that dripping trash…* I cleared my throat as my naughty thoughts made my cheeks burn further. “I asked you a fucking question, Julian. Were you stalking me? Again??”

He still didn’t look at me as he picked up the black and white canvas, grinning. “Ha... no surprise, there’s no color.”

“Argh! Answer me!” I barked with a stomp of my foot.

Julian finally turned his attention to me and his grin widened while setting down the canvas and walking towards me. I instinctively took steps backward.