Chapter 93: Breakup

*Holy shit!*

My body froze up like a deer in headlights. I would’ve been cursing the hell out of myself if it wasn’t for my brain racing a mile per second, trying to think of a response. Despite my body refusing to obey me, my sassy tone remained. “He’s my friend. How is that your business?”

“It’s my business because I’m your FUCKING BOYFRIEND!” his angered shout ended with a boom. Julian threw my phone onto the bed before marching up to me. I instinctively took a step backward when the alarm made my heart leap to my throat, but my back bumped into the door.

*I’m not scared. I’m not scared. I’m just super cold and have low blood sugar or something.*

“Jul–ACK!” I coughed out the rest of my words when his hand grabbed my shirt and pushed me harshly against the door behind me. “Fuck–let go!!” my raised voice being heard didn’t even cross my mind. I threw a punch toward his gut, but after the last two times he was winded by it, he predicted my attack and moved out of the way. Even my kick to his shin was done one too many times, as he proved it by stamping out of range. “FUCKER!!” I screamed again with growing anger. No matter how fiercely I struggled, I couldn’t pry his fingers off of my shirt. His grip was tight enough that I couldn’t move. I was pinned. “I said let go–”

My frustrated shout ended in a startled gasp when I was lifted and carried over to the bed. I didn’t have enough time to kick at him before he tossed me onto it. Everything was progressing so quickly that I mentally couldn’t keep up. *Was this really Julian? Who the hell is this fucking man in my bedroom?? I don’t recognize him.*

I was still dazed when he crawled on top of me and by the time I noticed; I struggled to keep the distance between us with my hands pushing against his shoulders. “What the FUCK are you doing?! Get off! And get the fuck outta here while you're at it!”

“You’ve been cheating on me??” it was as if he didn’t even hear me. I could see in his eyes that he had tunnel vision focused on me. “After EVERYTHING I’ve done for you?! You… I *love* you. And I–”

“What the fuck are you talking about? Did that look like flirting with you? Even your ass could do better than that. Amy and my other friends send stupid text faces like that all the time!” my arms remained stiff as poles to keep him from coming down any closer, but deep down I already knew that I was fucked either way. There was no way in hell that I could get him off of me.

“We’re supposed to be getting married, Suki—we were supposed to have beautiful children! But you have all of these filthy men in your life–”

“Those filthy men are my fucking friends! Don’t ever diss them like that again!” I felt like my aggressive snaps meant nothing. He wasn’t responding to a single thing I’ve been saying.

*Marriage and kids? He was serious about that shit??*

I flinched when he reached his hand down towards my face. As he began to gently stroke my cheek, it felt as if the puppy I had known had returned, if only for a fleeting moment. However, his frantic words betrayed a different reality. “Do you know what I’d do for you? How far I’d go for you? I would *die* for you!”

Julian’s words sounded like love-struck affection to the maximum. Even his lips held the sweetest but wild smiles. His eyes said a different story, something darker in those blue embers that were telling me; *‘If I can’t have you, then no one can.’*

“Shut up! Just SHUT the fuck up alright! Fuck–you’re more infuriating than ever!” my voice was raised louder than his after he just poured his heart into me. Julian looked hurt that my response to his love was hostility.

“What do you mean? I can give you more–”

“I don’t want nothing! You don’t owe me anything! You don’t need to give me anything and I don’t want anything from you!” I let it build up before screaming my true feelings. “You’re not my boyfriend and you’re not my brother! You’re a FUCKING BURDEN!”

Julian looked as if he had just been struck through the heart, and I felt a similar pain in my chest when I saw the look on his face. The blue blaze in his intense stare dwindled into heatless embers threatening to turn to lifeless ashes washed away by tears.

*Damn it–don’t! Stop being a fucking softie!*

I sharply turned my head away, so that I didn’t have to make eye contact with him. I was afraid that if I looked at him any longer, then my willpower would fall apart all over again. “Now get the fuck off of me and get the fuck outta my room.”

It felt as if Julian was frozen in place, but I could feel the pressure of his weight lighten up on my arms until he did as he was told and left without a word. The fury he was emanating in waves just minutes ago had just diminished into nothing within a split second. I had hoped that breaking the chain would make me feel free and worry less, but I was mistaken. I feel guiltier now than I did before.

*It’s just his face. I’m sad because his face is depressing to look at. That’s all. I’m not guilty. I’m not guilty. There's no reason for me to feel guilty... right?*

Lately, it didn’t seem to matter how much I tried to reassure myself. Somehow, I was still uncertain of every move I made, now more than ever.

*Shit… fucking hell!*

When I sat up on my bed, I winced at the pulse of pain bolting through the muscles in my arms. I didn’t realize how much of a strain I was putting on them until now. My olive-green color eyes landed on the phone that lay not too far from me. I checked it and saw that Julian had gone through all of my messages, especially the ones with Jack and Liam. It was clear who he felt more threatened by when it came to my attention. Disappointingly enough–out of all the people I texted–only Jack didn’t respond to me. The long sigh that escaped me would’ve made one hell of a cloud of smoke if I was smoking. Which I needed too badly.

*Yeah… this was for the best. The fucker was going through my belongings!* My lips pursed when I felt like a hypocrite. But unlike him, what I found was far worse, and I was still uncertain about whether to approach him about it. I knew he wouldn’t show anybody, not like Grace would. But since we both lived under the same roof, one question still plagued my mind.

What’s he gonna do now that I broke up with him? Will he actually fuck off or will he raise hell from beneath my feet?