103 — Boys’ night

As soon as I get to my apartment, I feel like I’ve been straight punched in the stomach. I’m back in the clothes I was wearing last night before I left here, but now, with wet hair and a flushed face, I come across the person I would least like to meet right now — my father. He’s sitting on the couch, wearing his pajamas that reveal the strong muscles in his arms.
He looks at me after putting his mug down. There’s no surprise on his face... in fact, there’s no expression at all. I shudder and walk inside with withered shoulders. Honestly, my face is burning so badly that I wouldn’t be surprised if it caught fire.
“I made coffee.” He says, turning his eyes back to the TV, watching something I don’t really care about. He seems a little distant, and that makes my chest sink into a painful sadness. “How was your evening?”
I stop beside the couch, looking at him with a guilty expression. I cross my arms, looking at the screen, pretending to be interested in the news on TV. “Great.”
That’s all I say, and he just mumbles something, sipping his coffee without taking his eyes off the shares of a company that seems to have fallen dramatically after a scandal. Somehow, I think I should pay attention, but I can’t because I feel too guilty. At least Daddy seems really interested in what he hears.
“Do you have plans today?” He asks, cutting through the awkward silence with his deep voice. His eyes are on me, but I can’t face him back.
“I don’t know, maybe...” I run my hand through my hair impatiently, biting my lip as the news cuts to some celebrity. I finally face him, looking up fearfully, “Why?”
“You know Mitch, Kevin, and Ambrose, right?” Dad says after a sip, keeping his eyes on mine.
“Yes, although it’s been a while since I’ve seen them,” I say thoughtfully, trying to remember the last time I saw each of them.
These three are my father’s closest friends, and together with Julian, they go out together sometimes. I haven’t had much contact with them over the years, especially since Eric didn’t like me being in the company of other men, even my father’s friends. Curiously, Julian seemed to be the only one he wasn’t afraid of. Quite a turning, huh?
“We’ve agreed to watch the start of the league season here at home.” He takes another sip of coffee and turns off the television in a sudden movement, which makes me jump slightly. “And it starts today.”
“Oh... Got it.” I force a smile, feeling odd, my face getting a little warmer.
Dad gets up from the couch and starts walking towards me, and that gives me a slight desperation, making me spit out the words, “If you want, I can leave-”
“Don’t worry, sweetheart.” He places a quick kiss on my hair, then turns away, walking into the kitchen. I stand with my back to him while he adds, “We can watch it at Julian’s if you’re not comfortable with that.”
I turn around slowly and ask him, pretending that I don’t care about it, “Will Julian be attending too?”
“Yes.” He says, standing back and putting the cup in the sink. “At least he said he would.”
I bite my lip, taking a deep breath... “It’s okay, Daddy. I don’t mind your friends here. I won’t stop the boys’ night.”
“It doesn’t have to be a boys’ night; you can join in too.” He gives a low chuckle that brings a little comfort to my heart...
*I’m being silly, aren’t I?* It might just be my impression... Maybe I really do have too much of a guilty conscience.
“I don’t like basketball.” I give him a sarcastic smile, which makes him raise an eyebrow, almost offended.
“But you like pizza, and there will be a lot of it tonight.” He adds with a chuckle that makes me smile as well, like a silly child whose father knows how to win.
“You got me.” I shrug, walking with steps backward, “Ask for my favorite.”
“Always.”
I turn away, walking back to my room, my smile fading and my shoulders drooping with the weight of my guilt...
Hah, really... I wish it would end soon.
***
The evening has come, and my father’s friends as well. They’ve been here for at least twenty minutes, but I haven’t heard Julian’s voice yet, which makes me slightly relieved. But at the same time, I feel uneasy about how I’m going to be close to him and not give away what’s going on between us. *I’m not that good at disguising my feelings.*
Now, I’m sitting on my bed, staring at the screen of my phone, at the text we’ve had this afternoon.

**ME, 10:27 am:**
*Boys’ night tonight, you could have told me before I bumped into my dad in the kitchen. I was persuaded by pizza.*

**JULIAN, 10:28 am:**
*I completely forgot about that.*

**JULIAN, 10:30 am:**
*I’m sorry. I meant to talk to Mike today, but it doesn’t seem like the best time.*
*Can you wait a little longer?*

**JULIAN, 04:37 pm:**
*I love you.*

Since then, I haven’t known what to say.
In fact, I’m locked in my room as if it were my refuge, just protecting myself from a potential apocalypse. My world is on high alert, and I don’t know if I’ll be able to put a smile on my face and pretend that nothing is happening. I’ve done it for too long, and now I’m too impatient about it.
I know it’s beyond all of our control and that it’s not Julian’s fault, but the closer we get to our feelings, the more difficult it is to hide it.
Honestly, I don’t know if I’ll be able to put up with a whole night of this act.
However, I can’t just get a cab and disappear from this apartment. I can’t make any excuse. I know my father will be upset and possibly blame himself for having opened up a bit of his world to other people because that’s how he is.
He’s so overprotective that he ends up forgetting himself... forgetting that there are different roles besides *father* and *Company President.* He’s a man, a friend, a brother, a son, but he gave up everything so that he could provide something that I lacked — a father’s love.
If I leave now and leave them alone, Dad won’t invite his friends anymore, fearing to upset me. And I want my father to be happy... truly and completely happy. He deserves that.
*I need to endure it...*
*Just a little longer, I can take it.*
Finally gathering the courage to leave the room, I hear the voices and laughter getting louder while I make my way to the hall. And just like that, my eyes immediately met Kevin’s, a tall man with black hair that normally reaches his jaw but is tied up in a high bun. He has tattoos on his arms that certainly weren’t there the last time I saw him, but I don’t keep staring at him... unlike the intense blue eyes that fall on me, scanning my body from head to toe.
I’m bothered by the way he lingers on my thighs, exposed by my shorts and also on the cleavage of my white blouse, which isn’t excessive or transparent. My casual clothes don’t show much of my body, but the way he looks at me makes me feel like there isn’t much fabric covering it.
When he looks at my face, a smile appears on his lips, surrounded by his unshaven beard.
“Angelee?” His voice cuts through the laughter, drawing all eyes to me.
Suddenly, I feel shy, crossing my arms as if that might ease my tension somehow.
“The last time I saw you, you were still a young girl!” He says it with a certain humor, no... it’s almost a *flirt* tone.
I give a forced smile and turn my eyes to the other men. My father is in the kitchen, smiling at me, picking up some bottles of beer. Ambrose is helping him, carrying the pizza boxes to the table, while Mitch is already sitting on the couch, waving his hand at me, “Hey, kid.”
Of all of them, Mitch is the only one I’ve had the most contact with and also one of the oldest friends I know. He went to college with my father and is the same age as him. On the other hand, he met Ambrose in a business deal, his oldest and closest partner, a few years older than Dad, 48 years old, I think…
But Kevin, well, he...
The doorbell rings, stopping my thoughts, and I find myself drawn to the door, almost like I can see *him* on the other side. My heart races, and I’m anxious all over again.
“It must be Julian. Can you please answer it for me, Angel?” Daddy asks, his hands full of beer. I nod and hurry to the door, my heart now pounding in my throat. I don’t stop to think about it; I turn the handle and open the door quickly, having to lift my face to see him fully.
Like mine, Julian’s expression seems conflicted, but his eyes light up when he sees me. His lips part, and he reaches out to touch me but stops midway when Kevin’s voice rings out loudly from inside the apartment, “Juls! I didn’t think you’d come because you’re always so busy with women!”
I feel a pang of pain in my chest and lower my eyes, making room for him to enter the apartment. However, Julian keeps his eyes on me, studying my face, which is certainly turning pale because this is still a subject that hurts.
Even if his past isn’t something I should be bothered about, especially when I’ve spent four years in a relationship with someone else, I feel uncomfortable.
I don’t want to be hypocritical, but I can’t control my heart. I can’t help but feel heartbroken when people talk like that, awakening me to insecurities and fears again.
Julian finally enters the apartment, and I peek at his expression while I close the door — he looks furious somehow... his lowered eyebrows bring stiffness to his gaze, and his muscles seem tense...
But Kevin doesn’t seem to notice this obvious dissatisfaction as he approaches to say hello. Julian doesn’t deny the firm handshake, but I see that his expression doesn’t soften.
“You’ve been distant, Julian... You’ve been skipping the boys’ nights.” Ambrose says jokingly, in a suggestive tone, after putting the pizza boxes on the table. “I confess, I didn’t think you were coming tonight either.”
“I said I would.” Julian puts his hands in his pants pockets, drawing my eyes to his always irresistible physique and his impeccable appearance, which once again has not a single hair out of place. *“I always keep my word.”*
Suddenly, my heart skips a beat, and my legs weaken. I back away slowly, leaning on the counter, and notice my father’s eyes on me.
Once again, my stomach churns, and I can’t help but hear my instinct screaming inside my head that something will go wrong — very wrong tonight.