67 — JULIAN ADAMS (POV)

I'm an idiot.
I wish it was just the hangover that's hammering in my head, but there's a damn nagging in my chest… a sick feeling that's been bittering my mouth all morning.
Because I know, I'm a fucking idiot.
I shouldn't have said it like that. My chest felt heavy. The weight of guilt seemed to steal the air from my lungs… but this pain isn't close to how it hurts seeing that expression on her face.
So I mulled over my words all day. I couldn't even focus on work. The meetings were a complete waste of time, as I don't remember anything that was said… I just keep remembering how Angelee looked at me when I said those damn words.
It's been less than 24 hours, and I'm already regretting so much that I can't even stand still. I needed some excuse to see her, *anything*… I didn't care about the report, I just wanted to be close to her. But I messed up again.
Why is it so hard to act rationally?
When did it become so hard to act rationally?
If it's about Angelee, I'm a damn runaway train.
*… knock knock.*
I can't focus.
I can't stop wondering what she's doing, who she's with.
An appointment? Who the hell could she have an appointment with?
I loosen my tie, feeling my throat too narrow… The air doesn't seem able to get into my lungs.
*… knock knock.*
Damn, I'm losing my mind-
“Mr. Adams?” I hear a melodic voice, and when I look at the door, I see a red head inside my office.
I sigh deeply and, running my hand through my hair again, I mess up my always impeccable hairstyle even more. Throwing my head back slightly, I mutter a permission for her to enter.
Laura quickly closes the door behind her, but approaches slowly, with a grace that seems simply out of place. And instead of sitting down in the chair in front of the desk, she moves a little further, standing next to it.
“Yes, Ms. Laura?” I urge her to speak up and say it quickly, as I'm not exactly patient at the moment. Certainly, my expression isn't the best because she seems to flinch slightly under my gaze.
“Can I call you Julian, since we're on our lunch break and technically not working?” She says with a low chuckle and a seductive tone, but it doesn't make me smile… In fact, I'm so annoyed that I just make a dismissive gesture and allow this nonsense — the sooner she speaks and leaves, the better.
“And what can I do for you?” I resist the urge to snort, and clasp my hands above my lap, noticing how she leans against the desk slightly. My brow furrows for it.
“Actually, it's more what *I can do* for you.” She says with a sexy voice, moistening her lips. “Are you into young girls?”
I let out a harsh breath.
“Young girls like me, like Angelee…?” Laura tilts her head slightly, giving me a discreet view of the middle of her breasts, the curves they make into the bra that I catch a glimpse of — it's red.
“What are you planning?” I ask seriously, impatiently, not liking the way my mind is hammering at this point.
“I'm a very honest person… Honest with my feelings, with what I want…” She tosses her red hair behind her shoulders and takes a seat at my desk, crossing her legs.
I grit my teeth hard.
“And I have to say… I've always had a crush on you.” She says, moistening her lips, unbuttoning the first button of her shirt, and revealing a little more of the red bra.
“That's a dangerous path you're going.” I say in a serious voice — but instead of her stopping that, her smile gets even wider.
“Look…” She spreads her legs, making her skirt lift past her thighs, showing her red lace panties. Her defined thighs are covered by a pantyhose very similar to the one Angelee had that day, the one I ripped off when she also sat on my desk.
I feel a pain in my chest… a twinge so sharp it makes me oust air through my nose harshly.
*What the hell is this feeling?*
“Julian… Why don't you touch me?” She asks, spreading her legs further apart, finishing unbuttoning her shirt. “You don't want me? I've seen the way you look at me… There's no one in the office now, we can do whatever you want…”
I look at her thighs…
“You've wanted me for so long… I know it.”
“Ms. Laura.” I say firmly, but she's quick to interrupt me….
“Don't you remember that time I went with Angel to your place, and we had a little thing going on? I've never forgotten that feeling… the shiver you gave my skin.”
*What's she talking about?*
“Ever since our meeting at the gym, I can't get you out of my mind… Your body…”
She's lifting her red heel and resting it in the middle of my chair… between my parted legs. And that's enough to make me snort loudly and slowly pull it away from me.
I notice her eyes widen slightly, genuinely surprised by my rejection.
“Are you out of your mind? That's totally inappropriate.” I get up from my chair, pushing it away, walking to the middle of the room impatiently. “We're in the office right now, Ms. Laura. You're completely out of line!”
She quickly got down from the table and smoothed out her skirt, then she started putting her shirt back on and buttoning it up again.
“A little thing going on? What are you talking about? We never had anything going on, Ms. Laura. Neither before — *nor now.”*
“But I thought-”
“You thought wrong.” I cross my arms, making my muscles jump slightly. “I don't know where you got this idea, but you're certainly delusional.”
“Julian-”
*“Mr. Adams* for you.” I cut her off harshly, noticing how her body flinches. “I'm your boss, and I demand that you treat me with respect. The only reason you're keeping your job right now is because you have a baby on the way. Otherwise, I'd put you out on the street right now.”
She lowers her eyes, and I can see her body trembling slightly.
“You know what? Get out of here, before I end up firing you!”
Without saying another word, still straightening her clothes, Laura quickly crosses my room and opens the door to leave, closing it with a hollow thud….
And once again, I'm in silence with my own thoughts.
Hah… I grab my fingers roughly through my hair, closing my eyes tightly… Damn it.
I search through my pants pockets, looking for my phone, but don't feel it anywhere. Taking a deep breath and looking around, I scan the table… There's no sign of it.
Where did I leave this crap?
Huffing and puffing, I lift the papers and folders and finally notice how messy my desk is… this is so strange that shocks me. I'm not one to leave things messy.
*What's wrong with me today?*
I sink into the chair, relaxing my back and tilting my head until my throat strains. The ceiling looks so interesting. Certainly, more interesting than the ghosts of my words and this regret that's eating me inside.
Yes, I'm regretting it.
It's hurting.
Hah, I never thought anything could hurt like this…
Closing my eyes tightly again, I try to get rid of this anguish, but it's in vain because every time I close them and get stuck in my mind, it's only Angelee I think about… her face, her body, her kiss, her skin….
I'm losing my mind.
This is an actual hell.
I sigh deeply and open the first drawer, finally finding my phone. At some point, I must have thrown it in there. But when I pick it up, the clock lights up on the screen and makes my chest tighten. There's still a while until the end of lunch… I wonder if Angelee is still at her appointment.
Appointment, huh.
Another abrupt sigh. How many have gone already? I've lost count. It's the only way I find to breathe decently and relieve this tightness in my chest….
Oh, great. There are so many messages… I just get a little out of my phone and-
**[Julian… Can we talk before we go back to work?]**
**[It's important… We need to talk.]**
I bring my hand up to my chest, digging my fingers heavily into my shirt…. Damn, it hurts.
*Why* does it hurt like that?
Resting the phone on my forehead, I close my eyes tightly, trying to relieve this damn pressure, this damn pain that rips, burns, tears my chest apart.
Angel…
Hah, screw that.
In a desperate impulse, I leave my office without picking up my coat or straightening my tie.
Outside, in the office, there's absolutely no one… Which is a relief because I look pathetic right now….
But my eyes go back to her message, and my legs seem to take on a life of their own. I don't know where I'm supposed to go, but I'm walking anyway. I'm taking over the elevator and pushing the button and stepping out onto the sidewalk… looking around like a lost, dazed kid.
I'm walking fast through the streets of New York City, looking all around, inside establishments, staring at people who walk by and think I'm a crazy person. But I don't blame them at all, *I am* crazy right now. I'm on the edge of a cliff. I'm about to fall into an abyss, and I just need Angelee right now.
Running down the sidewalk, I look around every corner.
My steps are so fast and unruly, I'm seeing like a walking mess-
I'm frozen in place across the street.
“Angel?” I mutter, low, unsure, with my voice filled with anguish.
My eyes are locked on a huge glass window that I'm sure is familiar… That damn realization makes my chest hurt even more because I'm sure Angelee frequents this place. Even if I were wrong and my mind was messed up by whatever is happening to me, I can't fool my own eyes that are seeing Angelee there…
My trembling fingers go to my shirt and dig into the cloth again… no, I'm actually digging them into the skin of my chest.
My throat is tight… I'm choking right now.
Because another man is holding her…
Because, once again, she’s in arms that aren't mine......
And in this damn moment, something inside me snaps.