175 — “I’m sorry I left.”

In the outdoor fire pit, I feel a little more at ease. Jordan is certainly as talkative as his older brother; his carefree personality makes me comfortable, perhaps because we’re almost the same age.
Unlike Julian, who has a more restrained sense of humor, the youngest of the brothers loves to make jokes, and his timing is good enough to get a few laughs. At first, Julian seemed nervous and suspicious, but he soon lowered his defenses and opened up a little more, allowing himself to smile even at the jokes he thinks are ridiculous.
The other brother, Joshua, looked even more doubtful when he laid eyes on me. I could see the curiosity and suspicion in his dark green eyes with some shades of brown. He also looks a lot like Julian, and his hair is medium-length, falling over his forehead in small, discreet waves. Well, I can certainly understand why he could be called a playboy — with his looks, I’m not surprised that women fall at his feet. He looks like a younger, more casual Julian.
Fortunately, as we’re talking, Joshua also opens up a bit more. I’m sure this is a very delicate moment, considering that it’s been at least seven years since they started to drift apart. Even so, it’s surprising that they still seem very close. I’m sure these brothers haven’t spoken in months, but the way they joke and talk to each other makes it sound like that’s not the case.
“I can’t believe Julian, of all people, settled down,” Jordan says with a teasing tone, making him frown.
“Do you think I’m incapable of falling in love or something?” Julian retorts, crossing his arms and relaxing his back on the seat.
“That was definitely the case... I mean, it’s not like you’re *like Josh.”* Jordan moistens his lips with a wicked grimace.
“Really, you prick?” Joshua frowns, elbowing the younger man who sits next to him.
“It’s true. My heart has always belonged to my fiancée, and no one before her has ever achieved that.” Julian says proudly, making my face heat up. Look at him, acting all cute in front of his brothers.
“You too, Julian?” Joshua snorts, but I swear I saw his lips disguise a laugh. Even when they’re teasing each other, they still have fun, huh... That’s what it means to have a brother?
Julian kisses my hair and wraps his arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer to his warmth. I hear a harsh sigh from my other side and catch a glimpse of Jessica’s worried expression.
“Stop acting all lovey-dovey; you’re giving me shivers!” Jordan also gives the elbow but at Julian, who just smiles cynically.
“Why are you picking on me if you’ve got Josh to upset?” Julian says with a fake sigh.
“We’re all used to Josh being clingy; he’s always like that with his girlfriends... it’s not funny anymore.”
“Excuse me? What did he mean by that?” Joshua’s girlfriend says in a high-pitched voice, causing him to close his eyes and sigh.
“I’ll make you pay,” Joshua mutters to his younger brother, ignoring his girlfriend, who looks furious and not at all happy, unlike Jordan, who is holding in his laughter like a child.
“That’s stupid,” Jessica mutters, so low I can barely hear her, attracting my attention. She gets up and walks away, quickly disappearing into the house. I feel like following her, but I’m not confident enough to do so. There’s nothing I can do but sigh and shrug.
“Don’t worry, Jessica is just worried,” Joshua says, cutting off the protests of his girlfriend, who huffs and pouts. “It’s the first time in years that Julian’s come home. I think we’re all a bit stressed.”
Jordan seems like he’s going to say something funny, but he remains silent, as does Julian, who absorbs his brother’s words with attention.
His lips tremble, and his hand squeezes my shoulder without him even realizing it.
“I’m sorry,” Julian says, looking at the flames of the fire pit that flickers. “I’m sorry I left.”
“It’s okay,” Joshua smiles, suddenly in a heavy mood. “We all understand why you did.”
Julian never told me exactly what led him to turn his back on the Adams, and now I feel even more curious. They seem to get on well, so what could have made him turn away from his family and close himself off like that?
Before the thoughts and hypotheses can grow wings in my head, Auston reappears with an announcement that surprises everyone, “Please, let’s go inside... Madame is requesting your presence.”
While Julian’s brothers get up, he remains seated. I try to get up, too, but he holds me by the wrist. This sudden act goes unnoticed by everyone’s eyes except Auston’s.
“We’ll be there in a few minutes,” Julian says to the butler, who just nods and leaves with the others.
Alone at the fire pit, in this silence disturbed only by the sound of running water and the crackling fire, Julian seems depressed. The warm tones in the sky begin to invade the property and fall upon us.
Under the orange light of the sunset, his hair looks like real strands of gold.
Julian tilts his head and looks at me, alternating between my eyes and my lips. There seems to be so much on his mind, but no words escape his lips. He’s really struggling to find them... That’s why I take the first step and let my voice come out low and soft just to reach his ears.
“Are you worried about me?”
Julian blinks slowly.
“Not about *you.”* He touches my face, cuddling my cheek in his warm hand. “I’m worried about *me.”*
“Everything’s going to be fine.”
“You saw her too, right?” He asks, shifting his eyes to the fire. “My mother was on the balcony. I didn’t get a good look. I just couldn’t.”
I stay silent, letting his words just come out naturally.
“I ran away from here and felt good about not being surrounded by a place so full of memories. It was easy to live with it when there were no memories around. With my apartment in the city, far from this place, work occupying my mind, and women in bed, I managed to survive for a long time. But that was it; I was just *surviving,* not *living.”* He pauses, looking back at me with fearful eyes. “But not Mother, not them. They stayed here, and now I feel too much of a coward to face them… to face *her.”*
“Hey.” I place my hand over his. “You are not a coward. You said you want to be a good son and a good father, right? A cowardly man would not look at his past mistakes and try to fix them. Besides… You’re here now, aren’t you?”
Julian looks behind my shoulder for a long minute, then sighs and nods.
“You are right.” He smiles discreetly, then leans in, closing the distance between our faces enough to mix our breathing. “What would I do without you?”
“You’d be the most desired bachelor in New York City.” I joke, and he gives a hearty laugh that reverberates across my lips.
“You’re probably right… After all, my heart only belongs to you.”
Julian finally closes our mouths in a short, delicate kiss with just the brush of lips, and somehow, it steals my air. The caress of his fingerprints on my face, his sweet and affectionate kiss, and the sunset that shines on our faces... There’s something special in the way we seal this moment.
His eyes roam every inch of my face, shining with deep feelings that are ready to overflow.
“We should probably go…”
“Yeah.” I smile, touching our foreheads one last time before standing up, with his hand sliding from my wrist to my hand.
Intertwining our fingers, Julian also stands up and guides me beyond the fire pit, past a stone path surrounded by bushes and grass so green it looks almost fake.
“Did you miss home?” I ask, watching his back as he walks in front of me, holding my hand as if it were his anchor.
“Sometimes.” He says, without turning around. I can’t see his face, but I imagine his expression. “I didn’t think about it most of the time.”
Naturally, you get used to the absence. It’s not that it doesn’t hurt — the pain just becomes routine. I can understand that better than anyone.
“But now, the memories just come back.” He mutters, lowering his head, still walking with urgent steps. “I feel like they are swallowing me.”
“Julian-”
He suddenly stops and gives me a sad smile over his shoulder. I open my lips to say something, but he opens the door and releases my hand, placing it on my lower back.
I don’t say anything; I just swallow those words hard and let Julian continue to guide me inside the house, crossing a large hall with another large staircase. I can’t help but be surprised by the place…
“How many rooms does the mansion have?”
“Hmm, twenty-”
I stop suddenly, freezing my feet on the ground, *“Twenty?”*
Julian gives me a shy smile.
“Why so many rooms?”
“It’s a big family.”
I resist the urge to laugh.
“Still, don’t you think twenty rooms is a bit much? I mean, this place could be a hotel…”
“You think? I was thinking about buying a villa like this for the kids.”
I look at him in surprise, my heart racing.
“Why are you looking at me like that? Children need space to be… children.” Julian scratches his beard, looking down at the floor. “If you do not want-”
“No.” I shake my head, attracting his shy eyes. First, his favorite sports car, and now the apartment he’s lived in for over ten years... Julian is really going out of his way for our family. He truly wants to do his best for us… *And that means the world to me.* “I would appreciate a big garden.”
He laughs, walking back, “Oh, what else? We can have a theater, a big pool, and a park. Whatever you want, just tell me.”
“Will you find the perfect place with everything I want?”
“Yes, I will.”
“What if there’s none?” I ask, suppressing my own laughter, and Julian stops, holding my arms.
His intense eyes make me suddenly serious.
“Then I would build it.”
“A house?” I blink a few times, surprised.
“Our home.” Julian doesn’t seem to waver or hesitate. He really looks honest. “I will build a dream home for our children.”
“Children?” A second voice appears, firm and even a little cold. I shudder, looking in the direction of a strangely familiar figure. Thin shoulder-length black hair. Long, simple black dress. Eyes with dark circles and a serene expression — the woman on the balcony… Julian’s mother.
“Mother,” Julian says, letting go of my arms and turning completely towards the woman. His shoulders are rigid despite being shrunken, and his head is also low, like a boy about to be scolded.
But her eyes land only on me, on my face for a long moment — then down to my hand that I didn’t even notice to be caressing my belly.
“Angelee O’Neil.” Mrs. Adams says, looking back at me. “Are you pregnant with Julian’s child?”