72 — “Listen to me, Angel.”

I didn't reply to Tyler's message… I don't know what he meant, but it seems like something I would need to think about thoroughly, with a clear mind. But I haven't been able to do it since everyone seems to have their attention on me again. I heard some whispers, people saying that I stole Laura's boyfriend and made him leave her pregnant. I don't know if the videos and photos have anything to do with her, but these rumors certainly do.
That's why when the workday finally finished, I let out a deep, relieved sigh. I'm just dying to dive into a hot tub, eat junk food and lie in bed for hours just staring at the ceiling… But then my phone buzzed, drawing my eyes. It's a message from my dad,
**[Sweetheart, you can go ahead without me… I'm stuck in a meeting.]**
*Argh, great!*
I take another deep breath and grab my stuff, while everyone else finally gives me a break from their intense stares. I glance over and see Julian's door opening, with him walking out. His hair is slightly brushed now, and his suit is covering the wrinkles in his shirt.
He looks at me, but I look away, turning my back quickly and heading for the elevator. Several other people are waiting for the metal doors to open, so I feel slightly impatient. I'm tapping my heel on the floor, making the high heel clink in a hollow thud…
But I hold my breath because Julian's cologne suddenly smells so close, making my heart flutter.
I glance over my shoulder discreetly, and there he is, with hands in his pants pockets and his shoulders tense. He doesn't look at me either; his chin is up, and his eyes are locked on the display which shows how close the elevator is.
But finally, the doors open, and the group enters. I rush to get in too, even though we're cramped… Fortunately, I'm the last one to get in, as the elevator couldn't hold anyone else. So Julian is left outside.
We look at each other while the doors close slowly until I'm out of sight of his eyes...... *And I can finally breathe again.*
I close my eyes, opening them only when we’re on the first floor, at the reception. And walking slowly out of the building, I feel a strange and sudden loneliness… Maybe it's because the sun is setting in the sky and the orange tones start to penetrate the window and doors, fighting the slightly cloudy sky.
When I reach the sidewalk, a light drizzle touches my skin… It makes me aware that autumn has indeed arrived.
I approach the gutter, stretching out my hand, hoping that some cab will stop and take me home. But every car that passes me goes straight through like I'm simply invisible. I wave my hand more, stepping over the edge of the sidewalk, gesticulating like a crazy person…
Until I see an extremely familiar car approaching.
I take a few steps back, hugging my own body because I'm starting to shiver. But he stops in front of me and lowers the window slowly, making me look away at the traffic that continues despite the tension between us.
“I'll give you a ride home.” Julian's voice draws my eyes again.
“No need, I can take a cab.” I say, holding his eyes.
“Angelee, get in the car.” He says firmly, slightly hoarsely, making my body shudder.
I huff, but obey, circling the car to get in. But when I sit down and start to put on my seatbelt, I immediately regret it because Julian takes it off my hand and puts it on for me. I turn my face to the window, afraid that he will see my expression and understand how his simplest gesture can shake me.
And it's not long before he's driving again, his eyes locked on the traffic. There's complete silence between us… so deep and uncomfortable that I can hear my own heart beating.
I try not to overthink it, keeping my eyes locked on anything outside, on the people rushing past us. It's not really interesting, but it feels better than looking at Julian right now.
When we finally pull into the parking lot of our building, I feel relieved enough to let out a short sigh. It attracts his eyes slightly; I can tell by the reflection in the glass. But it was only for a glimpse.
He's parking in his usual spot, and I'm sure I'll be able to breathe deeply an air that's not impregnated with Julian's scent… But when I try to open the door, I hear the door being locked, a sharp, thin sound that reverberates through my chest.
“Can you open the door, please?” I say, trying to control my tone, not looking at him.
Julian stays silent for a few moments, then once again — *click.*
I open the door quickly, getting out of the car almost desperately. I slam the door hard without caring about his protests, but none come… He just gets out of the car too and starts following me quickly through the parking lot, with steps so wide that it’s annoying how I need to run, and his calmness is enough to catch up with me.
Pushing the elevator button hard, more than once, I pray to the heavens that it gets there soon before Julian arrives, but of course, that doesn't happen. When I finally get into the elevator, he follows me inside.
I bite my lip hard, feeling a sharp pain while he presses our floor button. Honestly, I've never been so unhappy that we live so close.
“Angelee.” His voice is soft, but I ignore it, crossing my arms, tapping my heel impatiently. Honestly, couldn't this be faster? Technology is always advancing, and they still haven't been able to make a cubicle like this less uncomfortable...?
Damn it, this slow elevator!
“Can you hear me out?” He says, moving closer to me, *dangerously* close to me… But luckily, the doors opened, and I managed to get away from his heat that was already too close.
I step outside, reaching for my purse to catch my keys, but Julian holds me tightly around the waist, spinning me around and causing me to bump into his chest-
“Listen to me, Angel.” He says firmly, making my legs suddenly too weak, “Once again, you're jumping to conclusions-”
“Jumping to conclusions, Julian?” I say loudly, putting my hands on his chest, trying to push him away, but his arm is firmly around my waist, pressing me against his body. “How could I be jumping to conclusions and getting something wrong when you're incapable of denying something so simple?”
“But I told you, you're not just a fling!” He raises his voice, startling me slightly, and he adds quickly, barely giving time to breathe between words, “I know I'm to blame for kissing you when it's me who said we should just be friends… But I was honest, Angelee! I wanted to kiss you and touch you and put you on my desk and fuck you until that feeling is out of my chest!”
“Oh, you were honest!” I say loudly, finally pushing him a little harder, like the great rush of emotions brings me back the strength. “But maybe that's the problem, Julian! You want my body — my body!”
“Yes, I want your body!” He says desperately, taking a step towards me, “It's everything I can think about! I'm trying very hard, Angelee, very hard. Do you think I'd like that? Do you think I want to keep lusting after my best friend's daughter?”
His eyes glint with hurt, but that doesn't come close to how I felt, *how I feel…* Because his words hit me hard, steal my air, they’re cutting and tearing my chest apart.
“I know I'm the one who knocked on your door and told you to fuck me, but I don't want to be someone you just *fuck* anymore, Julian,” I say honestly, my throat tight, the cry stuck there. “We were friends with benefits, and you promised me that, if you wanted to go back behind that line, you'd say so. And you did, Julian. You said you wanted to be just friends!”
“I know!” He brings his hand up to his hair, squeezing the blonde strands tightly, and hides his eyes behind his palms, “I said it, but I…” The words die on his lips.
“You what?” I take a step towards him, and that causes him to lower his hands and show me his watery eyes….
*Wait, watery eyes…?*
“I'm feeling guilty. I want you, but I can't want you!” He admits, letting his hands fall beside his body. “You're Mike's daughter. *Mike's daughter!* Gosh, what the hell am I doing…?”
“Well, you've made your decision,” I say firmly, with my chest aching so, so much… “You have several women at your feet, don't you? If you want a body so badly, why don't you call one of them and relieve yourself? I don’t know, maybe Laura?”
Julian seems to be startled by my words, which reverberate inside and hurt him.
“Is it really that simple? I guess I'm a fool, then.” He says bitterly, shaking his head, “Because I’m losing my mind and you were in someone else's arms!”
What…?
“… It must be easy, and I'm overreacting here since you quickly found another man to -”
I slap his face hard — a loud slap that cracks and burns my hand.
Julian's face doesn't move to the side, but his eyes widen slightly while I retract my hand to my chest.
“Do you have the right to say that to me? Aren't we JUST FRIENDS?” I shout, clutching the cloth of my shirt tightly. “Don't you want MY BODY? Isn't sex something trivial to you, Julian?”
He grits his teeth, locking his jaw to the point where the muscle jumps at his unshaven blonde beard.
“Stop messing with my feelings!” I shout even louder, my voice shaking, tears streaming from my eyes. “If you just want sex, stop acting *like this…”*
“Like what?” He asks me hoarsely… his voice so deep that I almost don't recognize it.
Julian is looking straight into my eyes, so intensely that it makes me unable to breathe.
“Like it's not… just sex.” My voice shakes, and I take a step back.
Julian breathes harshly, running his hand down his face, impatient.
“… Like you have feelings for me.” I lower my eyes, still feeling the tears welling up, even if I desperately try to dry them with my clumsy hands. “But that's not the case, right?”
He stays silent… And that makes me look up, confused.
“See?” I purse my lips, rubbing my eyes, “You're just messing with my feelings.”
“Angel.” He says in a low voice, so soft… And steps closer to me, reaching out to touch me, but I wriggle out of his touch like it's contagious.
“If you don't have feelings for me, stop acting like that,” I say, swallowing the lump in my throat, knowing that saying those words hurts, hurts a lot. “Don't kiss me, don't touch me anymore.”
“Hey.”
“Find someone else to relieve this thing you want so badly to take away from your chest.” I turn away but see Julian walking around the hall in circles. He puts his hand on his hair and hides his eyes in his palms.
I don't say anything else — just walk into my apartment and close the door… even though my heart is broken into a million little pieces, just as I predicted before.