163 — I’m pregnant, Daddy.

“Which wine should I get? Maybe 2015 to prove my point? Or maybe the best Burgundy I have here? It’s a perfect occasion, after all.” My father says enthusiastically, walking over to the shelves full of expensive wines behind the kitchen island.
I run my eyes all over the lounge, observing every detail of the apartment that has been my home for the last few years. And although this is still technically my place, it feels strangely nostalgic to be here. I’ve spent so much time in Julian’s that I really don’t seem to belong in this apartment with my father anymore.
My gaze falls on Julian and Daddy standing together in front of the shelf, choosing the perfect wine for the end of the evening. They’re talking so passionately that I don’t even feel like I’m here. So I take my time to appreciate how they smile at each other, how they are so at ease in each other’s presence. It makes my heart feel at peace.
Still, the gift in my purse could change everything.
“I used to have a great bottle... but I think someone took it,” Daddy says loudly, bringing back memories that make me giggle. I cover my sassy smile behind my hands, feeling both of their eyes on me.
“Who would do something like that?” I feign innocence, causing Julian to laugh, probably remembering the events that this missing bottle had caused.
“This 2015 vintage wine tastes like cherries.” He picks up the bottle and walks over to the kitchen island while concentrating on opening it. “You’ll definitely like this one, sweetheart. It’s not high in alcohol. I drank it in France, and I thought of you as soon as I tried it. I think it’s only right that it closes tonight.”
As soon as my father opens the bottle, the pop of pressure and the sweet smell that mixes the alcohol snap something inside me. He and Julian are smiling again as my father grabs three glasses. The red liquid slides into one of the cups, mesmerizing me in its elegant dance.
But it’s when he’s pouring the second glass that I find the words to say, “I appreciate it, Daddy, but I can’t drink today.”
“Don’t worry, it’s not too strong...”
*“I can’t drink,* Dad,” I say a little more firmly, finally raising my father’s eyes, surprised and confused. Something is shining in his brown eyes.
I sigh deeply and approach him slowly, reducing the distance between us. I stop in front of him, and my anxious fingers reach into my purse, taking off the present I’ve been waiting all night to deliver. I can see my father’s eyes locked on the small decorated box and rising to meet mine when I hold it out to him.
My father takes the gift fearfully, and he swallows hard. His trembling fingers tug at the end of the red bow, which comes undone easily, making me hold my breath. He takes a moment before opening it, but when he finally pulls the lid off, his eyes glisten with tears.
“This... Are you serious?” His low, shaky voice makes me nod several times, and I feel my own eyes sting when he lifts his gaze to mine again, tears ready to roll down.
“Yes, Dad.” I fight back a nervous smile and wipe away a heavy tear that has fallen from the corner of my eye. “Yes, it’s true... I’m pregnant, Daddy... You’re going to be a grandfather.”
My father picks up the pregnancy test that was inside, looking at the two lines that make my words real. He seems to be fighting emotion, as his lips are tightly closed and his eyelashes are wet.
“I know we skipped many stages in my life. You didn’t see me born, you didn’t hold me in your arms, you didn’t hear my first word. Father’s Day... family evenings, Sundays in the park... We didn’t have any of that.”
Dad closes his eyes tightly, pressing his fingers against his eyelids and pursing his lips.
“And I know you blamed yourself for that for a long time. You wished you’d done things differently, and you wondered how things could have been. I know, I did the same thing, too.” I move closer to him, finally close enough to feel the warmth of his body. “But there are no such things as time machines. All these hypotheses are just possibilities, and no matter how sweet or bitter... they’re just that — possibilities of what could have been. The past won’t change, no matter how much we wish it would... no matter how much we beg for a second chance.”
I reach out and touch my father’s face, and he shudders. Daddy pulls his fingers away from his eyelids and opens his eyes fearfully... brown eyes that are glistening with tears and intense feelings.
“And you know... even if that were possible, even if we could go back in time... I wouldn’t want to change anything.”
My father looks surprised, so much so that his eyes widen slowly.
“I don’t carry any regrets, Dad, not anymore. It doesn’t matter if we’ve lost so much; you’ve made up for it by loving me most purely and truly these past seven years. You took me in. You believed in me. You were the best father in the world, and I wouldn’t trade the real moments we had for illusions. My time with my mother and my time with you was the most precious, and I’ve learned to treasure each of these memories with all my heart. Today, I can say that I’m happy with our path, and I’m so grateful for everything you’ve done... for trying so hard for me, for having my back, for protecting me, and for supporting me when my whole world was falling apart.”
I can’t hold back the warm tears that roll down my cheeks. Daddy is looking at me with wide eyes, attentive to my sincere gaze.
“I know we tried so hard. I know you’ve done your best to make up for everything... you’ve sacrificed so much for me... you’ve prioritized me, put me on top of your world, and I’m afraid you’ve forgotten yourself.” I pause, taking a deep breath, trying to keep my voice steady. “Yes, it’s true... We really lost time, so what?”
I squeeze my own chest, my fingers digging into my dress, trying to calm my heart that beats so, so fast.
“So what if we’ve lost so much?” I ask simply, noticing that his eyes glisten even brighter, with tears threatening to follow the same path as mine. “So what if you didn’t see my first steps? So what if we didn’t have Sundays and holidays together, or you didn’t put me on your shoulders and show me the world?”
I slide my hand down my father’s arm until I reach his hand. Slowly, I bring it down to my belly for him to touch.
And as soon as his palm touches my dress, my father lets out a sob and closes his eyes tightly, tilting his head back, still fighting the cry tightening in his throat.
I glance at Julian and smile at him, encouraging him to come closer. He quickly stops beside me, putting his arm around my shoulders and snuggling his body against mine.
My father raises his wet eyes again, this time looking at Julian with an innocent smile appearing on his soft countenance.
“The past doesn’t matter anymore, Daddy... I don’t want to keep wasting our precious time thinking about what could have been, not when we’ve already wasted too much time.” I let go of his hand slowly, letting him continue to touch my belly. I look at Julian again with an equally silly smile. “Everything we’ve both lost, I want this child to have. A big family, a father and a grandfather who will love her unconditionally... I want this baby to have everything, and I want you to see it born and be here to hear its first words and its first steps.” I struggle to say it, even though my voice is shaking. “We’re going to have Sundays and holidays as one big family... All of us together.”
My father strokes my belly, and, lowering his head, he hides his face behind his large palm, nodding in a silence that is only interrupted by low sobs that he still struggles to hide.
Julian pulls my father into a clumsy hug, slapping him hard on the back, letting the sound drown out Dad’s emotional sounds. My father cries silently, clasping Julian in his arms like he probably did when Julian was just a child.
Honestly, seeing the way they share this rare and emotional moment makes my own tears roll down my cheeks.
Dad holds the pregnancy test in his firm hands towards his forehead, and this seems to trigger even stronger emotions because his crying keeps breaking out.
I approach them and touch both of their backs; this simple gesture is enough for my father to envelop me in his embrace. I bury my head in the crook of Julian’s neck, feeling my father’s and my fiancé’s arms around me, so warm that it makes me silly laugh.
After an emotional hug and a deep, long silence, my father kisses my hair and slowly pulls away, leaving me alone in Julian’s firm arms that envelop me.
I hide my face, unable to look at them. The tears are flowing from my eyes like a fountain, but I know that if I see the emotion on their faces, I probably won’t be able to stop crying.
“I can’t believe...” Daddy starts but stops, gasping for air, trying to get his shaky, broken voice back together. “You’re *pregnant.”*
I finally pull my face away from Julian’s neck and look at my father, the affectionate smile on his lips, his wet eyes staring at the positive test in his hands.
“Yes, I am.” I chuckle, catching his eye.
Dad stays silent for a moment, then envelops my face affectionately with his hand, letting me snuggle my cheek into his warm palm.
“I don’t want us to be apart,” I say, touching his hand with my left. “Everything we’ve lived through up to this point... I don’t regret anything. I’m happy with my choices... I’m happy with the paths it has taken. And yes, it’s true... I’m going to get married and have a child. I’m building a family for myself, but you’re *my family* too. And I want you to be here for us. For me, for Julian, for your grandchild.”
Daddy nods slowly, silently.
“So don’t worry about trying so hard to make up for it, don’t beat up and blame yourself... don’t sacrifice yourself for us anymore,” I ask, closing my eyes. “We’ll be fine... So please, Daddy, find your happiness... You, too, deserve to live your life as you’ve always wanted to, to put yourself first... And if you choose to stay by our side, don’t do it because of some kind of debt — but because you really wish for… because you love us, just as we love you.”