162 — Are you happy for us?

Julian tenses up. His breathing becomes heavy, deep, and slow.
His family has always been a sensitive and somewhat mysterious topic. We don’t talk about it, and even though I’ve grown interested in the Adams, I haven’t found the perfect moment to ask about it. I know they stopped talking for a while after I arrived in New York, but it was always a mystery why they fought and drifted apart. I thought it was because of his closeness to my father, but I’m not so sure anymore. Some questions have been on my mind for some time, but I try to avoid thinking about them.
Now, my father is bringing up the subject in such a serious way that I feel insecure. Julian seems really defensive about such a simple and innocent question, and I confess that it makes me uncomfortable. I know we’ve sworn not to keep secrets from each other, but there still seem to be some truths hidden up our sleeves. I just hope this isn’t some big and scary skeleton in the closet.
“What’s the point of bringing our family to the table?” Julian says, trying to play it cool, but I know how tense he is. “We’ve cut ties.”
“But you did?” Daddy tilts his head. “You know that’s not entirely possible.”
“You cut yours.” Julian retorts.
“I renounced the fortune. I’m no longer the O’Neil’s heir.” My father pauses, looking directly at Julian as if I’m not even here anymore. “But you’re still the rightful heir of the Adams.”
“That doesn’t matter; they have Jeremiah.” Julian withdraws his hand from my thigh, leaving me suddenly lonely. As he drinks all the wine, he pulls his tie loose to get some air. “As you said, we want to get married because we love each other. That isn’t a political marriage. I love Angelee, and the Adams have no right to get involved.”
My father is silent for a moment, and I lower my eyes, pursing my lips with a sudden sadness taking over my chest.
How stupid, I never thought of that. Julian’s family and my father’s family have been friends for generations. I was denied and humiliated by the O’Neils... Who’s to say the Adams will accept me, especially expecting a child out of wedlock?
“I’m sorry, sweetheart.” My father’s voice makes me raise my watery eyes, on the verge of tears. His expression is soft, so different from the stiffness I’ve just seen. “I was being too overprotective... I didn’t want to ruin this evening. I know how much it means to you. I was just afraid that you were going into that without looking at the big picture. I can guarantee that you won’t be disturbed by the O’Neils because your place is safe with them, but I can’t guarantee beyond that… it’s something only Julian can do.”
I eyeside Julian’s face, and he looks angry. Not with my father, though... There’s something on his mind, I’m sure. I just can’t decipher it.
“I wanted to make sure that you are prepared for this, that you are willing to face what may come. And if you’re not yet, maybe you two should slow down a bit and enjoy for the time being.” My father sighs and pushes his tie further away from his neck. I can now see his Adam’s apple moving as he swallows hard. “But again, you’ve known each other for seven years, and feelings have been running deep for longer than these few months you’ve been together.”
“Slow down? I can’t believe you’re even suggesting that.” Julian retorts between his teeth, not bothering to show his anger. His hand returns to my thigh, this time dangerously close to my groin... “I don’t care about any of this. I just want to be with Angelee. Is that enough of an answer?”
My father watches Julian intently, then shakes his head sideways. I think he’s going to retort, lecture, or insist on the subject, but he just sighs — loud, long, and tired.
“I’m not blind. I can clearly see how happy you two are. I think that deep down, I knew that you two had a strong connection that couldn’t be denied even by me.”
Julian gives a long, tender kiss on my temple as if reassuring me that my father’s words are true. This gesture may seem simple, but it brings warmth to my chest… And it also makes my father’s eyes soften.
“I guess it was foolish of me to ask, wasn’t it?” My father smiles, tilting his head slightly. “You’re completely in love.”
“That’s pretty obvious.” Julian gives my hair another kiss before adding a little distance between us. I feel thirsty, so I take a generous sip of the lemonade. “I love her, Mike. I’ve said it a few times, and I’ll keep saying it even if you try to scare me.”
Dad gives him a smirk, almost proud.
“I’m not trying to scare you… I’m looking out for my daughter. I understand that I can be a bit overprotective, but you’d understand if you had a daughter or if you were in my shoes. Although, yes, I did like your answer, I can be put at ease now.”
I squeeze the bag containing the gift and feel my heart racing. The time to reveal it is coming — *I feel it,* but I haven’t found the perfect moment yet. I thought it would be a good idea to give the gift in this restaurant, but I’m starting to have second thoughts.
“I didn’t say that because it’s what you want to hear, Mike. You really don’t have to worry about the Adams,” Julian says firmly, his thumb stroking the inside of my thigh under the table. “I’m taking all the responsibility. I’m going to protect Angelee and love her with all my life. I’m not going to deceive her, and I’ll make sure she never sheds a tear of sadness. I promise you.”
Daddy smiles proudly, and as if he’s really satisfied, “What a cheesy kid.”
Dad finishes his wine and grimaces, the typical frown he makes when something isn’t good enough.
“But I wouldn’t expect less. I wouldn’t *accept* less. You’ll have to look after Angelee from now on. I won’t be able to do much more than I already have. As a father, I’ve done what I can. She’s a woman now, and she’ll be your wife. From now on, you’ll have to fight her battles.”
I can sense a certain sadness in his voice despite his serene eyes and gentle expression. His sweet smile matches his affectionate gaze, which shines with a deep sense of enjoyment mixed with sorrow.
Daddy seems really lonely, somehow...
A loneliness that brings me a certain anguish.
I clutch the bag in my lap.
“Dad?”
He looks carefully at me.
“Do you really give us your blessing?” I ask, my eyes glistening and begging for pure honesty. I need to know... “Daddy, are you happy for us?”
*Please, don’t give me the answer I want to hear just because you’re putting me first. Don’t put your feelings in the shadow of mine. Daddy, please tell me the truth about how you feel... Lean on me a little, just a little…*
That’s what my eyes are saying. It’s this bare and raw truth that I’m asking for.
My father keeps silent for a long moment before he reaches me across the table. I take his hand without hesitating and immediately receive a comforting squeeze.
“Angelee, my daughter… I love you more than anything in the world. I would give up everything, even my very life, if it would make you happy. Your smile is all I’ve ever wanted — it’s for you to smile that I persist to live.”
I feel tears burning in my eyes.
“I’m truly happy. You know, your eyes shine… they light up whenever you see Julian... and you smile easily just by hearing his voice. I could tell, my child... I’ve never seen you so full of life, and that’s thanks to Julian. So, of course, I’m happy. You two are the most important people to me, and I really want to see you together, especially when you bring out the best in each other. I didn’t mean to scare you with the earlier talk… I just wanted to see if you two are ready, and yes, *you are.* Believe me when I say that I really wish you both happiness. And if it means that you two will find it together, then I’ll bless you with all my heart.”
“Dad...” I squeeze his hand back, with my eyes falling on the engagement ring clasped between his fingers. “Thank you… for always taking care of me.”
My father opens his lips to say something, but the waiter approaches again. He sniffles, letting go of my hand and straightening up in his chair. Julian also looks a little bashful, and I can see that his eyes are as wet as mine.
It’s time to order the main meal, and I go for the pasta that Dad has assured me is the best. The waiter took our orders, and I kept thinking about that restaurant we went to the first time together, about the family that split up and took different paths that led them far apart. I confess that I feel a pang of sadness imagining that my father probably senses that this may be our future.
But I really want the gift I prepared for my father to find his hands. It’s not something expensive like such a restaurant reservation… but it’s more valuable than that.
Of all the things I could give him, I chose the promise that nothing will ever drive us apart.
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[...] The rest of the evening went smoothly. Daddy and Julian chatted lively about business and old memories. He told me stories about Julian’s childhood and pulled out amusing giggles. Apparently, Julian had a rebellious side that surfaced when he was around my father and Jack. They brought back these memories so easily that I couldn’t find a single trace of pain in their eyes.
I’ve also shared embarrassing stories from when I was a child. I think I’d told them before, but it felt like the first time my father had heard them. All the attention was on me, and they really laughed and enjoyed themselves.
We ate delicious food, and eventually, the night came to an end. The stars seemed to shine brighter as we left the restaurant. Now, in our building’s elevator, my father and Julian are talking about wine again. A passionate conversation about vintages and vineyards. Apparently, Dad wasn’t happy about giving a chance to a brand that isn’t his favorite.
The metal doors open, and Julian puts his hand on my lower back, driving me out. His gesture is innocent and automatic since his attention is still on my father, who is also getting out of the elevator.
“I’m telling you, there’s nothing better than French wineries!” Daddy walks towards the apartment and opens it with a quick gesture. “Come on, let’s taste it!”
Julian and I exchange a look that carries more weight than a thousand words. The gift is still in my purse, as I haven’t found the perfect moment for it. But the desire to get it off my chest soon is what drives me — so I nod slowly to Julian, who gives me a nervous but excited smile.
He leads me into my apartment, and I hold the purse tightly. When the door is closed behind us, I take a deep breath and gather my courage.
Finally, it’s time to tell Daddy what I’ve been waiting for all night…
It’s time to tell Michael O’Neil that he’s going to be a grandfather.