52 — “What the f*ck are you doing?”

The atmosphere of the club feels different from when I was sober. Now it seems to envelop me, making my heart race with anticipation. The low light of the club doesn't make my already blurry vision any easier, and the people dancing, wrapping their bodies sensuously, doesn't make my walking any easier either, as my legs feel shakier and lighter than usual.
Unlike the other clubs… people seem more at ease here. In a way, I can understand why they say it's kinky — there's no shame in walking around with such little clothes that show off their bodies, both female and male. There are people with necklaces, leather clothes… and some round platforms spread around the hall, with a pole dance on it. This is the first time I've seen something like this in person…
Really, if I'm an angel, I'm a falling one.
And it's all Julian Adams' fault.
Somehow, I make it to the bar. I lean on it, reaching out to the bartender, who approaches with a slightly worried expression.
“Give me something strong.” I say, making a dismissive gesture. “It doesn't matter what it is, as long as it's strong.”
“Miss, it looks like you've had enough to drink.” The bartender says to me with his eyebrows furrowing more and more.
“Not enough *for me*.” I sigh, running a hand through my hair and leaning further over the bar. “Can you get me a *Sex on the Beach at least?*”
The bartender continues to stare at me intensely, but a second later, an unfamiliar voice intrudes on our conversation by adding, “That's okay, Wells… Get the girl's drink. I'll pay for it.”
My eyes land on the man who has stopped next to me. He's tall and has a strong physique, I can tell by the way the shirt is tight on his arms. And his face… gosh, he's really handsome. His Asian eyes add charm to his smooth jawline and well-drawn chin. And the straight, dark hair that falls slightly over his forehead gives the seductive air needed to pique my interest.
He extends his hand towards me, “Sorry to intrude… I'm Kian.”
I greet him with my hand and am surprised when he brings it to his lips and places a kiss on the back of it. “I'm Angelee.”
“Angelee?” He pulls his lips away from my hand slightly, but keeps holding my fingers, “What a pretty name… Who choose it?”
“My mom. She always said I was her angel.” I say slowly, noticing that he's lowering our hands that remain intertwined. Then I see that the bartender has placed my drink on the table. “Thank you.”
“It's a pleasure to be able to buy a drink for someone with such a beautiful name.” He says with a flirty tone, making my body shiver slightly. I'm not used to this kind of thing… going out to a club alone, flirting with men, and waking up in an unfamiliar bed after a one-night stand. That last part is what I'm after today.
They say that the chance of falling in love with the person you lose your virginity is very high. And the statistics were against me from the start, as my heart had been beating for Julian for a long time. He was my first crush, my first love. I should have known things would get out of hand.
But it's too late to regret it.
Maybe if I slept with someone else, Julian's effect on me would lessen. Well, that's what I hope so. And Kian sounds like a great option — at least, that's what my alcohol-soaked brain is telling me.
“Just the name?” I say in the same tone, trying to sound natural… and from the flirty smile that rises to his lips, I think I've achieved my goal.
“Come on, you know.” Kian leans slightly over me and rests his hand on my lower back. His hand isn't that big, but definitely bigger than mine, and firm enough to press me easily against his body.
I rest my hands on Kian's chest, feeling the firmness of his work-out body through his shirt. I bite my lip… really, he'll be a good option.
Kian leans in and whispers in my ear, “You're beautiful from head to toe… instead of an angel, you look like a sin.”
I move my eyes to the surrounding crowd, feeling a chill from the proximity between us… then my heart skip a beat because our eyes meet. My eyes and Julian's.
Julian.
*Julian is here…*
And Cathy is at his side.
My stomach twists, but I can't look away… I can't end this painful silent confrontation. We're a few steps, people, and sounds away. It's not that much, but it feels like we're separated by continents and oceans.
Cathy holds his arm and leans in to say something, and Julian is the first to break our contact, dropping his eyes to the floor, giving his full attention to his *just-a-friend* Cathy.
And once again, I feel my blood bubbling. I'm so jealous, so hurt… my chest is aching so much that all I want right now is to hurt him a little too.
So, I slide my hand to the back of Kian's neck and lean in, gluing my breasts to his chest. And even though reason is screaming at me to stop, I don't listen to it… And seal my lips to his.
I close my eyes for a brief moment, while that unfamiliar tongue slides into my mouth. The sensation of kissing another person is strange… it makes my heart beat even more painfully. And even though Kian is entwining our tongues in a hungry rhythm, exploring the curves of my body while swirling them, all I feel is impatience.
When I open my eyes without interrupting the kiss, I notice that Julian is looking at us and delight myself in his expression, that's one of pure shock… Even from this distance, I can see the way his lips have parted, and how his eyebrows risen only to get down to a full frown. Slowly, Julian's face is being taken over by anger.
And that, yes, brings me some satisfaction.
I continue kissing Kian without breaking the visual contact, and that seems to be the thread of sanity that was left in Julian. He abruptly breaks off in our direction, making me interrupt the kiss fast while he's decreasing our distance.
Kian looks at me confused, but I just grab his hand and pull him towards one of the empty round platforms. If a kiss on another person can make Julian uncomfortable, what will he do if I show everyone what I'm wearing underneath this black dress?
Julian is very close, but I'm already climbing there, holding tightly onto the poly dance bar. I spin around, using it for support, getting shouts of encouragement and a familiar voice yelling, “Get down from there, Angelee!”
But I just ignore it and move my body to the beat of the music.
I think spinning and moving my head too much is making me even drunker because everything around me is spinning too, like I'm on a carousel. But I back up my hands and glide through the bar, improvising probably ridiculous moves, after all, I don't know how to dance. And I don't know what to do in a poly dance because I've never done any of it.
My eyes land on Kian, but they don't stay on him for long. Julian is beside him, his hands clenched into fists so tightly that his veins are probably popping. His expression tells me that if I don't get down from here soon, he'll really make me regret this stupid decision.
But of course, I ignore him completely and slide the first strap of my dress off, hearing people celebrating and cheering for me to take it off and be more comfortable, just like the other girls around me.
Standing with my back to both of them, I sway my hips while I slide the other strap down. And when I look over my shoulder, directly at Julian and moisten my lips, I can see that he's getting very, very angry.
My hands are trailing down the curves of my body, and suddenly, I pull the dress down quickly, causing the cloth to slide down my waist and reveal the bra I bought especially for Julian. This seems to have completely stunned him, as his eyes widen and he swallows dryly.
I sway my hips even more, and the dress falls to my ankles, displaying my full body in the lingerie to the other clients of the club. However, when I toss my hair past my shoulders to show even more of my skin, I'm surprised by Julian walking up on the platform, pulling me around the waist. He gets some booing for this, but doesn't seem to mind. With one hand, he picks my dress off the floor and, with the other, he presses me against his body, lifting me off the floor.
“Let me go!” I try to push him by the shoulders, but his grip is too much steady… or maybe I'm not strong enough to do this right now.
While Julian starts to drag me away from the crowd, I try in vain to break free from his embrace, with tears coming to my eyes again. His scent is penetrating my nostrils, waking me up from the drunkenness painfully. And that's why my hands slowly lose their resistance and I just dig my fingers into his shirt, resting my forehead against his neck… I'm tired.
“What are you doing, Angelee?” Julian asks between his teeth, with a voice so deep and infuriated that I feel my whole body freeze. “What the fuck are you doing?”