29 — Hold me like this.
“Staying inside you feels so good…” I hear him murmur, running the tip of his cock over my entrance, and I notice that there's a little blood amidst my arousal. “You're so hot, so tight…”
I bite my lips, looking straight into his eyes.
“Hah, I can't resist this naughty face…” He grunts, closing his eyes and leaning over me, “It's dangerous… Let me get a condom.”
Suddenly, I feel a painful twinge in my chest as I watch him open the nightstand drawer and take a condom from inside. I know that Julian is… a single man who should naturally have condoms in his home. Especially when it comes to Julian — someone who is used to having flings. And isn't that exactly why I wanted to lose my virginity with him? Because he never gave his heart to anyone? Because it would be easier?
I crunch my lips together, feeling my heart being seized by an intense cold that brings shivers to my body…
“I'm sorry, I…” My voice falters, and I'm too embarrassed to look at him.
*I've messed everything up.*
“Hey… Angel, look at me…” I look at him and see him throwing the condom into the drawer again and closing it, turning his body fully toward me, enveloping my face with his warm, slightly slippery hands. “It's okay.”
My eyes water, and I try to turn my face away, but he just pulls me into a tight hug, snuggling me into his body, leaning my head against his chest, where I can hear his heart beating fast, so fast it feels painful.
“I'm sorry.” I say, with trembling lips.
This is my fault.
“For what? You didn't do anything wrong, Angel.”
I did it, and shouldn't be feeling this way about something so silly…. don't want to go through this again…. I really shouldn't be feeling this stupid jealousy that's squeezing my throat and making my stomach twist.
Jealousy.
I'm jealous of Julian.
Feeling possessive about him.
This doesn't make any sense and I hate, hate myself for it.
“Let's take a shower, huh?” He lifts my face and deposits a kiss near my eye, on my lash wet from a salty tear. His thumb caresses my face so gently that my heart beats harder.
Opening my eyes, I meet the worried expression that's all over Julian's face.
“It will help with the pain, babe. What do you think?”
Nodding, I wrap my arms around his neck, burying my face in the curve of his neck, smelling his cologne, so cozy, so addictive. And with enviable ease, Julian slips his arm under my ass, supporting my body with a single arm.
I squeeze him even tighter, crossing my legs around his waist.
And soon he's carrying me into the bathroom, filling the tub with water as he lets the water from the shower begin to fall to the ground. He bends down slightly, releasing the arm that was supporting me, allowing my feet to meet the wet floor. Reluctantly, I let go of his neck, sliding my hands down his chest, noticing that his heart still beats quickly.
Slowly, he begins to unbutton my shirt, until it's showing off my entire body. He slides it down my arms and throws it on the floor, not bothering if get it wet.
Our gazes are locked when he slides his hand around my waist and moves me back a few steps, until the hot water from the shower hits my shoulders and back, relaxing me immediately. My legs waver, and I lose strength, being supported by Julian, who allows me to use his body for support.
He gently pulls my wet hair away, letting it fall down my back, and brings our bodies together again, to the point where my cheek brushes against his chest and his hard-on brushes against my belly.
Caressing my back, the warm water wash over both of us. His touch, his warmth, and the vapor that begins to build up in the bathroom is relaxing my body to the point where my mind is foggy. My legs start to wobble again, and I stretch my hands to his shoulders, pleading with my eyes for his embrace.
Julian lifts me around his waist again and, almost immediately, I cross my legs around his waist and his neck him with my arms, feeling the hard-on throbbing exactly between my legs. But he does nothing but support me with one arm under my butt and the other around my waist.
Our faces come closer together, to the point where our breaths merge and become one.
Because of the shower, my eyelashes are heavy, with drops forcing me to close them from time to time. But the intensity of Julian's gaze makes me open them again, holding his penetrating gaze, altering between them and my lips.
Damn it.
*I can't fall in love with you again.*
“Are you okay?” He asks me in a low tone, almost a whisper.
“Yeah.” I snuggle into his body, closing my eyes, resting my forehead against the curve of his neck, “Just hold me like this.”
***
In the silence of the night, I can hear Julian's breathing, so serene…. I wish my mind were just as quiet. But even under Julian's arm, close to his body, I… can't sleep.
My eyelids are heavy, and I'm exhausted, with my body really aching, especially the middle of my legs, yet… my mind is a mess.
Moving my face slowly to look at him, I notice how it's unbelievably painful how stronger my heart beats because of him. It's in vain, I…
I have really fallen in love with Julian again.
I thought I was over this feeling… I thought this silly crush, these butterflies in my stomach, had disappeared over time, died, shattered it. But no… I was wrong… It was still here… asleep.
And it woke it up… a beast twice its size and starving.
But… I don't regret doing any of it… which makes me feel even worse.
Taking a deep breath, I watch as he slowly opens his eyes, making my heart, this time, skip a beat. I can see on his sleepy face that I have awakened his light sleep.
“Do you have a lot on your mind?” He asks in a whisper, bringing his hand up to my face.
“Yeah…” I let another sigh escape, regretful, sad… “Julian, we need to talk.”
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