157 — JULIAN ADAMS (POV)

“Why did you change your mind?” Mike asks on the other end of the line, sending me into a deep silence. “Dynamic CO. would have gotten away with it if I hadn’t released the information to the media. The former CEO has deep connections to politicians; they were trying to conceal the evidence and manipulate the right people. Still, not all the guilty parties were properly punished. The media made it impossible for the case to be hushed up, but the board decided to make the CEO the scapegoat for everyone’s mistake. He’s facing a major lawsuit for this, but incredibly, the other culprits were just reassigned. Losing your job with a clean reputation is definitely a better outcome than being tried and jailed in the middle of such a scandal. They also hide the names of the politicians involved, but anyway, this is a good close. I didn’t intend to get involved, though, in the end, things turned out better than expected... We managed to buy the company at a ridiculously cheap price, and Eric lost his job.”
I stay in silence.
“You said it was enough before, but now you want me to hand over the evidence of his involvement with the info sale to the police. Why is that?”
“Something like that shouldn’t be brushed aside,” I say simply.
“I agree, but one thing leads to another... and they’ll all find their downfall.”
“I don’t mind. Everyone needs to face the consequences of their actions.”
There’s a loud, heavy sigh coming from the phone.
“You can be really scary, you know, kid?”
“Look who’s talking. You messed with something problematic just to get back on your daughter’s cheating ex-boyfriend.”
“Uh-huh. You’re not a father. You wouldn’t understand.” Mike retorts like he does when he’s embarrassed, but his words hit my chest like a punch.
“Look, I’m not going to ask you how it was yet, but...” He pauses for a moment, and I look at Angelee lying on the bed in a deep sleep. “Is she happy?”
“Yes, she is.”
Another long silence falls between us, which is only cut short when Mike’s voice sounds serious, “That’s enough for me now. Come and see me tomorrow for dinner. Both of you.”
I open my mouth to reply, but he hangs up. I press my lips hard and mess up my hair, letting out a sigh that comes out long and loud. I turn my eyes to Angelee, who seems to be sleeping without a care in the world.
And that makes my heart flutter.
Honestly, I didn’t expect the evening I’d planned so carefully to turn out this way. Seeing Angelee’s watery eyes, her desperation, and the way she held me so tightly, she was afraid of me leaving, like I was scared of being left.
We both shared the same worry.
And that’s why I understand that I was so complacent. I could have avoided all of it, but I let Angelee take matters into her own hands. The stalker issue, Laura — and even with Eric... I knew she could handle it.
But I see now that it was a mistake.
If I’d dealt with it from the start... Angelee wouldn’t have suffered so much.
I really took it too easy... and I won’t let anyone hurt her again.
From now on, I’ll deal with it on my own.
I approach the bed slowly, my eyes traveling down her body, which looks skinnier, but her belly catches my look; it really doesn’t show any sign that there’s a baby in there. It’s early days, I know… But the sudden urge to touch and caress it so slightly so that she doesn’t wake up is hard to ignore.
The softness of her skin against my rough palm is one of the best sensations in the world. Touching Angelee has always been something I fought against because I knew I’d become addicted to it. And just as I predicted, her smell and her smile, even the way she jumps to conclusions so easily, leaving her feelings all over her face, is addictive and adorable.
But today... I felt as if my heart had been ripped out of my chest.
After seeing Eric kneeling, I went back to that bar to find Laura again, but I couldn’t find her.
And that puzzled me.
She made it sound like she was helping us, but I didn’t buy her talk one bit. Laura wanted him for herself and went to all the trouble of stalking Angelee and even lying about a pregnancy... Why would she try to get them together now?
My head hurts. There are so many suspicions that I feel anxious. I wish I’d confronted her a bit more, but maybe things would have taken an even more complicated turn. What if I had taken a little longer to return to Angelee’s side? Just seeing Eric put his hands on her made me feel an anger that I hadn’t felt for a long time.
Boxing really helped me deal with frustrations and control my temper, but I got blinded by wrath. I even thought I’d gone a bit too far, but now I see that I should have crashed my fists into Eric’s face until I made sure he’d never get near my wife and my child again.
Yes, I took it too easy with him.
Angelee’s disappointed eyes made me almost go mad. It reminded me so much of that fragile girl who lost the person she loved most. I became anxious and jealous — *angry.* So many emotions have taken over that I’m surprised I feel so much.
Ever since Jack left this world, I closed myself off, always being numb... until they pushed me too far.
I stare at my knuckles, bruised from the punch I threw at Eric, and remember the first time I lost control... when I found out *what* my family did behind my back.
*Family, hum...* The bitter taste lingered in my mouth for a long time, and even now, I can taste it sometimes. It’s like scars that throb every time I remember, even though there’s no evidence of their betrayal on my body, apart from the scratches on my knuckles that didn’t last long and faded with time.
Since then, I’ve been avoiding my relatives… *my siblings.* But when I think about it now, I feel a pang of guilt.
I punished them for something they didn’t do. And I understand now, even Jeremiah is just a victim of my father’s obsession...
Still, I turned my back on them.
I wonder how my cute younger siblings are doing... It’s been a few months since I last saw them.
Joshua is working for one of the family companies, isn’t he? Jessie is at college, and Jordan started his own indie band... I’m sure the Old Man is freaking out about it.
I chuckle as I remember how my father used to go crazy when I ran away from my duties to follow Jack and Mike around, even though he’s always fighting a smile. My heart beats a little harder, and slowly, my smile wilts just as my whole expression turns serious.
*A family.*
Am I feeling guilty after all this time?
Angelee had no one but her mother when she was growing up. Even her father was absent during her childhood, although it wasn’t his fault. It’s only natural that she seeks and envies a big family...
I feel pain pierce my chest, and my fingers curl over Angelee’s soft skin. My eyes return to my hand, *to her belly,* making me frighteningly aware that there’s my child there...
I’m really going to be a father.
Suddenly, my hands are sweating. In fact, my whole body shudders, and I retract my hand, turning my body towards the balcony, where I can still see the moon in the starry sky; just a few more hours, and it will disappear, giving a real end to this intense night.
I look at the palm of my hand, the fingers that touched Angelee’s belly, and I close it into a fist, feeling the grip weak, drained of strength, but with a strange and strong determination taking hold of my chest... There’s some kind of overprotective feeling spreading throughout my body.
I walk to the balcony with slow steps, with the moonlight and the New York City nights lightening my body. I lean over the railing, looking up at the sky, with my cell phone once clenched in my fist.
Thoughts take me down distant paths... to old memories that brought pain, grief, tears, and so many regrets.
I know I was just a child, but I could never forgive myself for what I did. Deep down, I just wanted someone to blame me, to fight me, to hate me for it... But no one did.
Because of me, my brother died, and everyone turned a blind eye to it... as if it were a nightmare, an illusion.
Nobody blamed me... So I did it to myself.
And Angelee, it’s the same, isn’t it? Somehow, she also blames herself for what happened to her mother.
We’re alike... so much so that I can understand her worries now.
All this didn’t happen by chance.
Angelee confessed that she wants a family and is being so honest with her feelings... I know what she’s saying. She wants a complete family, something she’s never had. She wants our child to have what she never had, and I want it, too.
But a big family... Can just Mike and I give her what she really wants?
I look at my siblings’ contacts on the phone. I haven’t called them in a while, huh? Jessie, Josh, Jordan, even Jeremiah... We always had each other when we were growing up... Now, we’re so far apart.
Jack wouldn’t like that.
My expression becomes rigid, and I feel guilty. There are so many conflicting feelings in me. I don’t know if the guilt I’m feeling is because my family has fallen apart or because I can’t give Angelee what she so desperately wants.
I sigh and look for an old family photograph among the pictures, one that I’ve always thought to be incomplete because it didn’t have Jack in it... one of those that my father so proudly displays on the walls of the mansion.
Looking at it now, I still feel guilt... but not for the same reason as before.
Now, I can see that being too stuck in the past and grieving for the one who left made me unable to care for those I still had... The ones I have pushed away all by myself.
I close my eyes tightly, resting my cell phone on my forehead. My eyes are burning, and there’s a lump forming in my throat, but I try to ignore it.
Memories flood my mind, and I feel that same pain piercing my chest... a burning, air-stealing pain... The pain I’ve been dealing with ever since I saw the car in flames while I struggled so hard to break free from Mike’s grip.
I still remember it clearly, as if those bitter memories were right in front of me.
Yes, that’s right. Twenty-four years have passed... and that hellish night is still branded iron on my soul.