20 — Damn butterflies

The air was taken out of my lungs. I quickly stand up and make my way out of the conference room with quick steps, making my way to Julian's office. I knock twice on the door, and, thanks to his quick response, I open the door and sneak inside.
Julian raises an eyebrow at the sight of me and lowers the papers to the desk, keeping his beautiful green eyes on me.
“I can't do that.” I'm quick to say. In fact, my words come out like bullets. And from his confused expression, I add, walking in circles around the room, “Being team leader? I'm definitely not ready for that.”
He tilts his head slightly and leans back in his chair, relaxing his back.
“Don't look at me like that!” I stop, arms crossed. “I'm serious.”
“You've been with the company for a year now.”
“This is a big project, Julian. The best should be the leader, not me.” I sigh regretfully.
“What if I told you that you're the best person for this position?” Julian raises his eyebrow, with a smile threatening to rise at the corner of his lips.
“Then you would be lying. You know I'm not… Sarah should be the leader, not me.”
Julian looks at me intensely, and I hold the air in my lungs. When he's at work, there's something different about him… a firmness, a penetrating gaze that's capable of bringing chills. His whole posture is confident — which reminds me of when he says those things.
I clear my throat, hoping that these thoughts will also disappear from my head.
“Do you really want me to tell that you're not suitable for this position?”
I pout, averting my eyes, feeling his gaze burn into my skin.
“You know that I don't lie to you, Angel.” His voice is soft, and draws my fearful eyes again, “And if I'm saying that you're suited for this, then yes, you are. I wouldn't favor you just because you have a pretty face.”
I grit my teeth, fighting the silly smile that threatens to rise to my lips.
“Besides, that was a decision made solely by your father… it didn't come from me.”
“That doesn't change the fact that Sarah is more suitable than I am. And that's not modesty, Julian, she really deserved to be the leader. Not because she has been here for years, but she knows this company like her own hand. It's unfair that I get picked because I'm my father's daughter.”
“Is that what you believe? That he picked you because you're a Daddy's girl?”
“Maybe that's not his intention, but you know it is.” I wither my shoulders, thinking about how, in these past seven years, my father worked hard to make up for his absence for so many years. It's not like it's his fault, of course, but I know he blames himself for it. And I don't want to be unfair to other people because of our personal problems.
Maybe Julian can read my mind because his gaze is soft like his voice as he asks, “Come here, Angel.”
With a sigh, I approach slowly, standing in front of his desk… but he pats his lap, which causes my cheeks to take on a flushed hue, “Here.”
I hesitate for a moment and look at the door, at the curtain that hides the big window, and look back at him, at his hands that are patting his thighs, encouraging me to sit down.
Maybe I'm crazy, but I go around the table and sit on his lap, pressing my knees together as I fit my butt exactly up his tights. I feel his firm arm round my waist, pulling me tightly, and I snuggle awkwardly into his body, holding on to his firm shoulder.
“Your father didn't choose you because you're his daughter. He knows that you're capable of doing this.” His warm breath against my neck brings shivers to my skin, but I try not to show how it affects me.
“Maybe… but I still think Sarah is better for this position than me.”
“Hum…” He mumbles, and I close my eyes because he's almost brushing his lips against my neck, and his other hand is caressing my thigh over my midi skirt. “If you say so.”
I wiggle, feeling a tickle between my legs.
“But if you want to give it up, you'll have to speak for yourself.” He says quietly, and holds back a chuckle at my sulky expression. I feel him fit his thumb into my hip and press down on me, in the same way he did when he was on top of me.
I swallow a groan.
“I'll not defy the President's orders.” He tilts his head, leaning it back in his chair, lifting his chin slightly. His tone is amused, but the husky voice, typical of when he's working, makes the tickle intensify in my lower belly.
“But he's your best friend.” I bite my lip.
He closes his eyes and rests his forehead against my temple, “Don't tell me.”
I wiggle again, this time making sure my ass rubs exactly against the bundle that's springing in his pants. I suppress a smile, and appreciate how his arm puts more pressure on my body to lean against his.
“Can't you make this call?” My voice is sly.
“Even if you try to please me this way, there's nothing I can do about it, Angel.” He moves the hand that was on my thigh up to my face, stroking my jaw with his thumb, as if drawing it up. “You'll have to say for yourself.”
A disappointed grunt escapes from deep in my throat, and I throw my head back slightly, closing my eyes. But my body shivers the next moment because his lips are brushing against my neck, where I'm sure he left a hickey before, and his growing-beard is rubbing against my skin.
“You've been avoiding him, haven't you?” I feel his voice reverberate through my skin.
“Hum…” I wiggle, feeling that the hard-on is much more apparent under my thighs.
“Why? He's worried about you.” He says softly, sliding his thumb down, moving his hand to the back of my neck to hold it, pressing on my jaw.
“I don't want to talk about my father right now…” I mumble, and feel his grip soften.
“Neither do I.” He sighs deeply, pulling his lips away from my skin, and I'm surprised by the absence his warm breath makes. “But if you don't want to be the team leader, you'll have to tell Michael yourself. I won't get in the way of that.”
I look at his face that looks impassive, the posture I'm used to seeing him in at work. And it makes my heart feel strange. Not in a painful kind, not in a conflicted way… it just makes it beat harder.
“Not even if I ask nicely?” I bat my eyelashes slowly, sliding my fingertips down the buttons of his shirt.
He smiles, breaking the seriousness, as he entwines our fingers. “No way, smart ass.”
I can't help but soften at his smile, which inevitably makes me smile too, in a silly way, with butterflies threatening to take off inside my belly.
“Well, at least I tried.” I say, averting my eyes, feeling my cheeks take on a rosy hue… no, I'm probably red as roses right now.
“Just give him a call.” Julian deposits a kiss on my delicate fingers, “You can be honest with him too, you know.”
Damn butterflies.
I disentangle myself from his embrace, standing up awkwardly, even if my legs seem too weak.
“I'll keep that in mind now… I need to… get the team together… so I'll be right there…” I know I sound pathetic.
And I know that running away like this just shows how Julian is in my system, how he intoxicates me with the smallest of intentions. Honestly, I don't know what that mean…. But I leave his office like the air is full of some kind of virus you see in TV shows. I take a deep breath and fill my lungs to their peak, still holding on to the doorknob.
For an instant, for one measly instant… I feel Laura's eyes on me… A furious glare that burns in intense flames of hatred… I can even feel his hostility oozing from her pores. And if that's not possible, it just became. She really looks like she's about to stab me with the pencil she's gripping so tightly… Well, whatever.
I break our eye contact, smoothing my hair to hide Julian's marks…
*Leader, huh…* Well, I think it's time to face this.
As I take a deep breath, entering the room where the small new team will stay for the next two weeks, I quickly notice that everyone who was mentioned by the manager is already sitting at their workstations, finishing tidying up their desks and making them a little more personal — and as soon as they sight my arrival, they stop their work and look at me, as if expecting something.
A bead of sweat trickles down the inside of my blouse.
Well… Let’s pretend today is just a normal day.
But for the way Laura is looking at me… I know that’s not going to happen.