168 — “Should we get married already?”

The doctor’s words make me hold my breath. *If I want to find out the gender of our baby?* Just the possibility makes my heart race with excitement and joy. I waited for it so badly, and now it’s about to happen.
I lie on the stretcher, my trembling fingers gripping the sides of the sheet. Julian sits in a chair next to me, close by. Our eyes meet, and I reach for his hand, for his touch that comforts me.
A young nurse approaches with a serene countenance. She asks to be excused while her delicate, gentle hands lift my blouse until my belly is completely exposed. Julian’s hand squeezes mine a little tighter, and he seems just as nervous as I am — if not more so.
Dr. Kraig sits down in front of the small screen that shows nothing noticeable and also asks for consent to touch me. He explains, “It’ll be a bit cold, but it’s so we can see the baby,” and spreads gel over my stomach. I feel a shiver run through my body, and now it’s my turn to squeeze Julian’s hand.
The doctor slides the device across my tummy, going back and forth slowly as he looks at the screen, which is finally showing something. However, it’s hard to tell if he’s catching anything or not. At least, I can’t make anything out amid the black, white, and gray blurs. His serious and focused expression also doesn’t help much.
He keeps sliding it across my stomach until it finally stops in a specific spot that makes my heart echo through the room. No, actually... it’s too fast to be my heart.
The breath catches in my throat, and my hand that clasps Julian’s immediately relaxes at the quick sound of those beats.
“Do you hear that?” Dr. Kraig asks, finally taking his eyes off the screen and resting them on mine. “That fast little heart.”
My eyes burn with emotion, and I feel on the verge of tears.
“And now... are you listening to this?” He advances the device across my belly and keeps searching and sliding through the gel until the sound is loud again — another heart beating a little slower, in a rhythm that now resembles my own. “This second little heart... You can hear it, right?”
I take a few moments to really understand the doctor’s words, but slowly, realization falls over my body, and the strength leaves my body as the doctor’s smile widens.
“It’s a twin pregnancy, *a monochorionic one.”* He says, leaving me completely breathless and confused… Mono-what?
More gel is applied to my belly. The device slides across my skin again, leaving a cold trail. The fast heartbeat reaches my ears again.
“I can’t say for sure which gender the babies will be, still early, but I can say that it will be the same for both of them. In a monochorionic diamniotic twin pregnancy, they share the same placenta but are in separate amniotic sacs.”
The doctor’s words are tying my mind in knots. My thoughts are so fast and confused that I wouldn’t be surprised if smoke came out of my head.
“Well, to put it simply, you’re pregnant with two identical twins. That’s why I can say that they will be of the same gender.”
Twins... Am I really pregnant with *twins?*
I swallow hard and try to catch a glimpse of Julian’s expression, but I’m frozen. My eyes remain locked on the small screen that is now starting to show something. I can see the outline of that little life — the shape of the lower parts, a small round face…
“You seem to be nine weeks pregnant. The more agitated one is measuring 2.8 centimeters. The quiet one…” He moves the device again to find, this time more easily, the second baby. “2.6 centimeters. That’s 1.1 and 1.02 inches, respectively. They’re fine for the time being, but I’d like to order a few more tests to make sure. Twin pregnancies require extra attention. I’d like you to do some blood tests, and if possible, I’d like you to start replenishing vitamins immediately if there is any need.”
Dr. Kraig is attentive but easily gets carried away. He talks so fast that I can barely keep up. My mind is still stuck on the fact that *I’m pregnant with twins*. I’m so surprised and thrilled at the same time that I feel speechless.
Fortunately, Julian is following the conversation and taking mental notes. They’re talking about something, but I confess that I feel distant from this room. If it weren’t for Julian’s hand in mine and the cold sensation of the gel in my stomach, I’d have trouble connecting with reality.
“Okay, I’ll give you a bit of time while I prepare other tests. When you’re ready, you can go back to my office.” He says, getting up and leaving the room while the nurse wipes my belly quickly and leaves soon after.
The click of the door sounds loud, leaving the two of us alone in this comfortable silence. My heart is beating at my throat, and I feel the urge to say something, but I still can’t look at Julian.
I’m afraid of something that I don’t even know. *I’m apprehensive and anxious, and so, so happy and excited and-*
Suddenly, his hand moves up my arm and fits my face, with his fingers finding the back of my head. I catch my breath and allow him to guide my face slowly to meet his soft countenance.
My eyes are burning and slightly blurred. I know there are a lot of tears there because I’ve tried so hard not to shed them. But the moment I look at the love of my life, at these beautiful watery eyes, I just can’t hold it in any longer.
Hot tears roll down my cheeks, soft like the heartbeat of our second baby, while my pulse races just like the first. In fact, I don’t know at what point my heart’s rhythm ends and Julian’s begins. I can feel his heart pulsing through his fingertips right into my jugular as his other hand reaches my belly.
Julian leans over me and places a soft kiss on my forehead. His lips tremble when they touch my skin, and soon, our breaths become one.
He closes his eyes, and so do I.
Many emotions are overflowing, and I’m really at a loss for words. However, even if I could find them, I don’t think they would be enough to express how I feel right now.
But honestly, I don’t think I care... All I want is to feel all this happiness until we both overflow.
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[...] Tests and more tests… I never imagined I’d need so many so early on in the pregnancy.
Nine weeks... it seems so short and yet a lifetime. They’re so tiny, the size of a cherry. The thought brings a silly smile to my face, and I can’t help it...
“What are you thinking so much?” Julian asks, stopping in front of the TV with a soft expression. He’s holding a bowl with some fruit and yogurt, which makes me raise an eyebrow. I don’t need any words to make him explain, “You heard what the doctor said, didn’t you? You need to put your weight back on first. You haven’t been eating properly.”
“I felt sick,” I grumble, shrugging my legs and hugging my knees.
He raises an eyebrow.
“But you feel better now, huh?” He stretches the bowl towards me. “I’m not letting you keep eating that junk food. You need a good diet, Angel. Tomorrow, we’ll go to a nutritionist who will make the perfect diet, and I’ll hire a cook for you.”
“You don’t have to-”
“Yes, I do.” He interrupts me with a serious tone, and I can see in his expression that he looks uneasy. His hand shakes a little, and I lose the will to protest. “Let me take care of you and our babies, okay?”
I lower my head and simply pick up the bowl, noticing the chopped strawberries, apple, and banana inside, dipped in the yogurt. I confess that the sight makes me drool, so I waste no time. I fill the spoon and quickly taste it with surprising desire.
I eat in silence, not bothered by Julian’s gaze. I know I should take my time, but it’s delicious enough for me to finish in a few minutes. I never thought I could eat fruit as eagerly as a burger.
“Are you shocked?” Julian asks, cutting through my thoughts with his firm voice. And I know he’s not talking about my new passion for fruits and yogurt.
“Yes, a bit... But not in a bad way.” I lower my eyes, looking at the empty bowl in my hands. “It was a surprise. I never imagined I could have twins... It’s a hereditary thing, right? I wonder if there was something like that in my family... my mother’s relatives died before she could remember them, and she spent a lot of time in the orphanage, so it’s a bit of a mystery.” I give a low chuckle, noticing that Julian tenses and scratches his beard thoughtfully.
“Well, actually... Mike’s father is a twin.” His words shock me more than finding out I’m carrying *two babies instead of one.*
“Oh, I... I didn’t know that.” I give a sad, dull smile, immediately melting on the couch. I hug my legs a little tighter and tuck my chin between my knees. My eyes narrow a little, stinging for a different reason than before.
Suddenly, the rejection that has pained me since I discovered the truth weighs heavily on my shoulders again. It seems that knowing so little about Daddy’s roots also means not knowing about a part of myself.
*If I had not been pregnant with twins, would I have discovered something like this?* The answer is pathetically sad. For them, I’m just a bastard, after all... *A child born out of wedlock, the result of a fling.*
Julian kneels in front of me, slowly taking the bowl from my hands and placing it on the end table.
“Look at me, babe.” He asks, drawing my eyes, which I hadn’t even noticed were wet. His big, warm hands cup my face tenderly.
Julian’s eyes say many things... The way the green is more intense and brighter contrasts with the concern in his gaze. There seems to be a lot going on in his mind, thoughts that have been trapped inside for some time — thoughts that I’d like to release. But I don’t want to pressure him. I’ll be here when he’s ready to talk, and that’s enough.
Julian dries a tear that gets lost between my cheek and his thumb. His gaze wanders from my eyes to my lips, but there is no lust or desire. He doesn’t seem to want to kiss me hungrily, with a burning passion that consumes us... He seems to be searching for my soul... for a quick, intimate glimpse.
“Angelee.” The way my name escapes his lips softly makes me catch my breath. “Should we get married already?”
His words resonate deep in my heart, and just by seeing his crystal-clear eyes, I understand what he is doing and what he means- *for me, for our children.*
“When you finish the Dynamic CO. project, and we meet up with my family in a couple of weeks...” He looks directly into my eyes, rubbing his thumb against the corner of my eyes, wiping my wet lashes. “Let’s hold our wedding.”