127 — Is it really enough?

Julian stares at me intently, and I feel my heart beating in my throat. His silence despairs me, and my voice comes out high, “I know I should have said this before, but... I mean, I never needed it, and I just...”
“Angel.” He interrupts me, and I swallow the lump that forms in my throat. “I know you’re not on the pill; I figured it.”
His words, so calm and casual, leave me completely baffled... “You know?”
“Of course.” He smiles at me, using his thumb to caress my cheek. “I’m well aware; you don’t have to worry about it.”
“But...” I try to control my voice, but it still comes out strangled, “What if I get... pregnant?”
“Then we just need to get married.” He approaches me and places a kiss on my forehead.
I’m simply speechless.
“Is that it?” I blink a few times, putting my eyes on his once again. “That’s what you have to say? Just like that?”
His eyebrows furrow, and he looks confused... “I’m a grown man, Angel; I know what can happen when I have sex without a condom and I fill you with my cum; that’s why I’ve never done it with someone else.”
A painful pang hits my chest, and I get up slowly from the bed, suddenly ashamed to be naked, so I hurry to the bathroom, a sudden sick feeling rising in my throat.
“No, don’t do that, babe... I’m sorry! Angel, I’m sorry, don’t start misunderstanding!” He says loudly, following me into the bathroom.
I lean on the marble sink, unable to look at my own reflection, but when he stops behind me, I raise my eyes to see his concerned face as he spins me around and presses my back against the sink, “Hey... If I was bothered by it, do you think I’d keep doing it? If I didn’t want to, I would have said so and stopped.”
I open my lips to answer him, but he’s quicker to add, “I know where I’m going with this, okay?”
My eyes soften, and I place my hands on his chest, feeling his heart beating quickly, as fast as mine... if not faster. Yet, he doesn’t appear to be anxious; there’s no hesitation in his eyes, no trembling voice... He’s serious in his words. Julian really means it.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t do this without making sure you want me to.” He says softly and places a kiss on the corner of my lips, his firm arms wrapping around my body, which naturally snuggles into his warmth. “Do you want me to stop? If you don’t like condoms, I can finish off...”
I stay silent for a few long seconds, just feeling his heart beating close to my own chest, our beats coming into consonance. Honestly, my mind is blank; I just focus on this simple moment, where no words are needed for me to understand what he means, what’s going on in his head, and what he really wants.
Julian knows what can happen, and he’s okay with it... At least, he thinks he is...
But what would Julian do if he found out that maybe I already am? How would he feel if he found out that I may already be carrying his baby? Would he still think it’s as simple as it sounds?
Would he be scared like me?
“I’m sorry.” He lowers his head, his embrace tightening around my body, and says low against my ear, almost hoarsely, “I won’t do it again-”
“No.” I interrupt him, spreading my hands on his broad back and pressing my face even closer to his chest. “It’s okay. I know which way we’re going too... there was never any doubt on my part... I just wanted to make sure you knew as well.”
Now it’s his turn to be silent, running his hand down my lower back, resting his forehead against the curve of my neck, “Are you sure?”
“Are you?” I answer the question and hear a low laugh that I can’t see on his lips. He’s hiding his expression, but his heart is beating very, very fast.
“I love you, and that’s enough.” He just says that, and I close my eyes because I wonder, *is it really enough?*
“What if you stop loving me?” I ask fearfully, with a sigh.
“I’ve been loving you for the last four years, even trying not to... do you still think that’s an option?”
I smile at him, but he can’t see it either.
“What if you regret it later?” He knows what I’m talking about... and his brief pause is proof enough that he’s thinking about it. The words to come are not empty, said in the heat of the moment, thoughtlessly, or just to please me. Julian is really thinking about it, and that brings great relief to my chest.
“Your father never regretted it.” He finally says, bringing tears to my eyes. “There’s no way to regret it, Angel.”
I seal my lips, trying not to show that I’m crying silently, that my chest is warm right now, at peace. Julian touched the depths of my soul with his words; he couldn’t have said it better.
“Are you?” He finally asks, and my heart skips a beat only to speed up again. “Are you pregnant?”
I take a deep breath, inflating my lungs to the max, and simply say in a shaky, thin voice, without thinking, “No.”
Julian doesn’t breathe a sigh of relief. He doesn’t say anything else... in fact, he just hugs me a little tighter, nestling his nose in my neck and breathing deeply again. I can feel his heart beating very strongly, but his reaction doesn’t give away what’s going on in his mind.
“Okay.” He eventually says, his voice reverberating through the skin of my neck, and I feel something wet on my skin... “But you would tell me, right?”
I nod slowly, digging my nails into his back, tears falling down my face, wetting his chest... Of course, I would tell him... I would never allow my child to feel like I did... *And I would never put Julian through what my father went through.*
“I love you.” He murmurs, hugging me protectively, “I love you so much...”
“I love you too,” I say softly, with a sigh, and pull away slowly, only to grab his face and lift it, meeting his watery blue eyes, even a little puffy.
“What if you get sick of me?” He says playfully, and I catch myself smiling at his silly question.
“I’ve loved you for the last seven years... do you still think that’s an option?”
He smiles and moves his eyes down my naked body slowly, stopping at my belly. His expression softens, and he closes his eyes tightly.
I try to lift his face again, but he takes my hand and kisses my palm, intertwining our fingers... “I really hope not.”
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The moon shines brightly outside, and I should be asleep, but I can’t... sleep doesn’t seem to come any closer to me.
Julian’s warm breath on the back of my neck, peaceful and deep, is really relaxing; if it weren’t for that, I’d probably be hyperventilating in the corner of the room or walking to a convenience store to buy the test and get rid of this doubt once and for all.
Even though I said I wasn’t pregnant, there was no conviction in my voice, and I’m sure I didn’t convince Julian either. But somehow, the calmness, the simplicity with which he dealt with it brought me peace. I think everything will be fine, regardless of the outcome.
At least, I hope so.
I slowly remove his arm and get out of bed, making as little noise and movement as possible. I pick up my phone from the bedside table and leave the room. When my eyes reach the balcony door, I finally catch a glimpse of the outside, and I slide the door open. A breeze ruffles my hair, making me hug my own body as I walk to the edge, looking up at the sky, at the few stars that manage to shine between the buildings of New York City.
Suddenly, I remember the lullaby my mother used to sing, and my chest fills with a cozy warmth. I spot a stubborn star there, close to the moon, and somehow, I feel it’s a sign that my mother is watching over me.
*“What if I’m not as good as you?”* I whisper, staring up at the star, clutching the railing with my hands trembling from the cold, from anxiety, from fear of the future. *“What if I don’t make it?”*
It brings tears to my eyes, and I find myself lowering my face, taking a deep breath, and wiping away a tear running down my cheek. I look at my phone, finally noticing messages from Tyler that I hadn’t seen...
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**Tyler (Owner)**
*Laura came to my apartment... she kept screaming and banging on my door. I had to call the cops, and she was taken to a police station. She seems furious and crazy. You should be careful... I’ve never seen her like that.*
*By the way, videos from the security camera have leaked onto the internet, and everyone is commenting on what a bitch the redhead is.*
*At least now, there’s no one left to believe her manipulations.*
*Stop by the restaurant later... I’ll buy you dessert.*
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I sigh deeply and close the messages without answering them... it’s very late anyway. I should get some rest since I have to go to work in just a few hours... However, sleep still doesn’t come.
My mind is thinking again and again about everything that happened, about the possibility that I’m expecting Julian’s child, about how Jackson ended up winning despite everything he did, how everyone around Laura suffered in some way, and that, even in the end, she still tried to blame me.
And just like that, her words come back to me, especially what she said about my father.
I look at the screen once more, hesitating... but I surrender, finally searching for the name of the company next door, with my eyes gradually widening as I read the news, the headlines that stun me...
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ㅤ**DYNAMIC CO. SHARES DECLINE AFTER SCANDAL**
ㅤ**BANKRUPTCY? THOUSANDS OF EMPLOYEES LAID OFF DURING DYNAMIC CO.’S CRISIS**
ㅤ**J’O TECHNOLOGIES BUYS DYNAMIC CO.?**
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Wait... Did our company buy them?
That causes me to stagger backward and drop my phone on the floor, making a loud noise that I honestly don’t mind. My skin shivers and I don’t know if it’s because of the cold breeze or simply because I’m really baffled...
“Angel?” I hear Julian’s sleepy voice and turn to him, noticing that he looks at the shattered phone on the floor and up at my face with confusion...
“Is it true?” I ask in a shaky, resentful voice, my mouth bitter. “Is what Laura said true?”
“What?” He looks genuinely confused as he walks towards me, but I walk past him quickly, back into the room, rubbing my arms.
“Is it true about Dynamic CO.?”
Julian’s eyes widen slowly, surprised, and it makes me want to cry.
“You know that woman manipulates everything.” He says firmly and walks back towards me.
“Yeah? So why did J’O Tech buy a bankrupt company after such a huge scandal?” My voice fails me, but I struggle to look him in the eye. “Why did you buy the company Eric used to work for?”