155 — “Be my wife, Angelee.”
I can’t control my legs that abruptly rise out of the tub while my trembling hands grip the edge, making sure I don’t slip on the floor, which is wet from the water dropping off my body. I reach for the bathrobe quickly, wrapping the sticky fabric on my skin.
But now that I’m standing a few steps from the door, I’m frozen in place, my heart pounding in my throat. I’m scared, with many doubts and intrusive, horrible thoughts dancing in my head.
Why did he leave so suddenly? The look on his face... It’s like there’s something wrong. But there hadn’t been until a few moments ago.
Was it something I said?
What if Julian has regretted it?
What if he’s thought it over and realized that this is a big, fast, thoughtless step?
*What if Julian no longer wants to marry me?*
I swallow hard and force my feet through the door, immediately leading me into the bedroom, to his broad back, also tight at his robe. Julian’s head is down; he’s standing still, with his muscles stiff... And it makes me want to scream.
“Julian.” His name comes out as a sigh, low and shaky, but he can hear it. He shudders but doesn’t really move; he remains on his back, still head down and speechless.
This silence robs me of air.
I hasten my step, approaching him without knowing what to expect. When I’m close enough, I touch his back, stroking it slowly, but I am too afraid to look at him.
“Julian-”
“I’m sorry.” His apology cuts through my voice so painfully that I feel real pain. It’s a pain that hammers my heart and certainly reaches my soul.
I grab into his back, crumpling the fabric between my firm fingers, and deny it with my head. I know he can’t see, and I should say it with words that *no, I won’t forgive him and that it’s too cruel of him to raise my expectations so high only to crash them down.*
It’s too late to turn back, Julian... you can’t just regret this — that’s what I’d like to say, but I can’t as no sound escapes my lips... all I do is shake my head with blurred eyes.
*I’m pathetic-*
“I thought it would be okay if it were like this, but really...” He raises his head, stretches his throat, and sighs, remaining silent for a long moment before finally lowering it again. “I’m sorry... Can you forget about that proposal?”
“No.” I finally manage to say, but it’s so vague and shaky and strangled that I doubt he understands what I’m really trying to say. But no other words escape, there’s no sound.
So I just... clutch his robe tighter and pull it weakly.
Julian looks over his shoulder, and his soft eyes widen when he notices that I’m on the verge of tears... no, they’re already rolling down my cheeks.
Seeing that seems to alarm him because he turns to me and touches my cheek, wiping away the tears and their wet trails... “I’m sorry, babe, I didn’t mean to...”
I shake my head even harder, my hands dropping around my body.
Julian’s fingers fit perfectly behind my neck, but his thumb continues to caress my cheek.
“I love you.” He says with a sigh, also trying to touch my arm, but my sadness and despair are turning into anger that I don’t know where it comes from but makes me pull my arm away and avoid his touch. “Look into my eyes...”
I keep struggling until Julian grabs my face with both hands and forces me to obey him, “Look at me, Angelee.”
My lips part, but nothing escapes, not even a sigh — the air is trapped in my lungs.
“This is the face of the man who loves you more than anything in the world, so don’t avert your eyes,” Julian says firmly. “I love you so much, you have no idea. I’ve tried to fight it. I’ve tried not to be attracted to you, and I’ve tried so hard... God knows how hard I’ve tried to ignore the things you do to me. I shouldn’t want you. I shouldn’t love you, you know that... But I do. I love you. I love you so much that I freaked out, afraid of being too slow and ruining everything.”
I blink a few times, with heavy tears falling from my eyelashes, now without moving a muscle.
“I’ve asked you to be my wife, and I’ve told you that I love you, that I want this because it’s you, but it still doesn’t feel right.”
I close my eyes with pain piercing through my chest...
“I started off doing everything right... So let me try again, okay?”
Julian releases me, and I confess that the lack of his touch hurts as much as the thought that he regretted his choice...
“Angelee, open your eyes.”
His imposing, serious voice commands me, and I swallow hard before doing as he says, opening them slowly, with my vision gradually becoming clear...
And just like that, they widen, and my heart pounds so hard that it makes my chest tremble, making the breath I’ve been holding for so long finally come out of my lips... Because Julian is kneeling in front of me.
He’s on one knee, holding a velvet box, with a beautiful ring shining and competing for attention with his eyes, that’s glistening with tears, just like mine.
“Marry me,” Julian asks, his soft voice making my skin shiver. “Be my wife, Angel.”
“What are you doing?” I ask between tears, overwhelmed by intense emotions ranging from relief, happiness, confusion, and even sadness for being asked to forget his first proposal. It’s funny how I must look like, as I’m crying and yet smiling with real relief.
“I’m properly asking you to spend the rest of your life by my side.” He says, holding my hand gently, his fingers entwining with mine. “I’m asking the love of my life to be mine, to grow old with me, *to be my family.”*
I purse my lips and dry my tears as I squeeze his hand to make sure that he really is holding me, that I am within his reach, and that I can feel his touch.
“Be my wife, Angelee. I know I’m not perfect, but I swear... I will spend every day trying to be the best husband, the best partner, the best father, *your best friend.”* He brings my hand to his lips and kisses my fingers, raising his eyes to look directly into mine. “Please marry me.”
“Of course, I’ll marry you,” I say with a choked voice, still trying to fight back the tears that, despite my best efforts to hold them back and wipe them away, continue to overcome me. “Of course-”
Julian quickly stands up and gives me a quick kiss, sealing our lips innocently at first, but it soon becomes intense as his tongue forces its way through the gap between my lips.
The moment his tongue meets mine, my legs weaken, and if it hadn’t been for his firm arm supporting my waist and his strong hand gripping the back of my neck, I would have fallen to the ground.
The intense intertwining of our tongues robs me of air, and I simply forget how to breathe... All I can think about is the way he kisses me intensely, with passion, love, desire... A kiss that set my body on fire and tickled my lower belly, even though I was just about to cry my eyes out.
Julian separates our lips, and I gasp, inflating my lungs to the max, still with my eyes closed. He rests our foreheads together, also panting, and presses my body against his, allowing me to feel his solid abs against my breasts.
I touch his face, feeling his beard under my fingers, stroking his cheek with my thumb slowly...
“You scared me,” I confess, unable to open my eyes and look at him because being honest with my feelings and my insecurities and fears is terrifying, but I have to try. My future with Julian, this bright future... I won’t let anything get in the way of it, not even myself.
“I’m sorry... I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“I thought you’d changed your mind.”
“How could I?” Julian pauses, then rubs his forehead against mine and moves his lips up to my temple. “You’re the best thing in my life... I can’t even imagine being away from you.”
He dries my tears and pulls our faces apart to look at me intently.
“I couldn’t let that bastard ruin the night I thought so much about... Especially after standing up to your father and getting his approval.”
“You asked Dad?” The surprise on my face and voice makes Julian give a low chuckle and nod slowly.
“Yes, I did.” He lowers his eyes to his hands. “Mike gave us his blessing.”
My chest feels warm, and more tears threaten to well up in my eyes, but happy ones this time. Knowing that my father and Julian are on good terms — or at least are on the way to getting into that — makes me so happy that I could actually cry.
“This ring... I could see it on your finger.” His words draw my eyes to the box he’s still holding, to the small, delicate ring, but so shiny that it leaves me baffled. “And I was so happy at that moment... I thought, *hah, I really want to marry her.* I already knew, but when I saw this ring and your face came to my mind, I knew for sure.”
Julian slowly takes the ring out of the box and holds it in my hand. I’m shaking, so much so that he has to squeeze it a little to calm and comfort me.
“It’s not the most expensive of them, and it’s not the one with the most carats. Honestly, the attendant at the jewelry store said so many things about rings, I didn’t understand any of it.” He says with a laugh on his lips that makes me laugh, too. “But this ring made me think of you... It made me excited and anxious to put it on your finger. And I carried it around in my pocket for almost a week, imagining your reaction when you see it.”
Another tear runs down my cheek, but Julian dries it quickly.
“And how is it going?” I ask with a smile, my face wet with happy tears.
“Right now, it’s the best it could be.”
Julian finally slides the ring onto my finger, and I find myself caught up in this simple, smooth, slow movement, knowing what it means — it’s the beginning of my future by his side.
When he finally puts it on, we stand for a long moment admiring how, in fact, this ring really suits my slender finger. It’s so delicate, shiny, elegant, beautiful... “This is the most beautiful ring I’ve ever seen.”
He places a lingering kiss on the ring, and it brings butterflies to my stomach. Once again, Julian is incredibly charming without even realizing it or trying.
“I love you.” He says, almost in a hoarse whisper, drawing my eyes to his, so intense and bright. His hand grasps my face and pulls me into a light kiss again, which I completely surrender to, closing my eyes. *“My future wife.”*