84 — JULIAN ADAMS (POV)

I’ve been staring at the damn screen of this phone for at least five minutes. I can’t take my eyes off the picture on the forum… even if my throat is so tight it burns or my chest feels heavy.
It’s a picture of Angelee and that restaurant owner on their date yesterday. *And they seem to be kissing.*
I’m feeling like crap.
*Hah. I can’t stand this.*
I abruptly throw my phone on the table and lean back in my chair, closing my eyes and sighing deeply. My head is throbbing so much that I haven’t even gotten to the gym for a workout. I feel like I’ve been slacking off over the last few days, especially since Mike returned. My head has been a mess since then.
Of course, it’s my fault. I should have known from the start that things would turn out this way. Getting involved with Angelee would cost me dearly, and I paid the price.
Now I’m here, so hungover that I can barely focus on my work; my chest is heavy, so sore, and my mind so confused that all I can think about is her.
Yeah, I’m completely lost… And I don’t know what to do… Now that I finally understand what I really feel, I may have lost her — again.
*I’m losing her once again.*
Things could have turned out completely differently if I hadn’t pretended to forget what happened four years ago. Yes, I think about it sometimes, thinking about how a coward I was.
If I had faced it from the beginning, all this loss of time, yes… it could be really different.
… knock-knock.
I keep massaging my temples because even medicine can’t solve this hangover. And I don’t know if the drink made me this sick or if it’s simply my brain punishing me for having been an idiot all this time.
More knocks echo through my office, so I snort and answer loudly, “Come in.”
The door opens, showing a familiar face that would normally make me feel guilty again, but I’m simply too destroyed and tired for that. What I did last night already proves that I’m a fucking pervert. What’s the point of feeling guilty now?
Mike is walking in with a serious expression and crossed arms. Not a hair out of place, not a wrinkle in his clothes. I honestly feel slightly offended and jealous of how well he’s dealing with his damn hangover since he drank a lot last night too, and there’s not even a sign of it on his face.
“You look terrible.”
“So you’ve said,” I grumble, closing my eyes and massaging my forehead.
“You’ve certainly forgotten that we had a meeting ten minutes ago.”
“I remember… I’m just too hungover to deal with business right now.”
“Hangover?” Mike chuckles, “Are you sure it’s just that?”
My body shudders slightly, but I slowly retract my hand, opening my eyes to face him.
“All right, I won’t tell you again that you should fix your personal issues, Julian. This is clearly too new for you since you’re not one to behave like this, so I’ll let it pass.” Mike pauses for a moment, waiting for me to say something, but in the face of my silence, he adds, “I’m not here to lecture you on that.”
“You’re here for Angelee, right?” I grumble, scratching my beard, which has grown a little longer than I usually allow. I really have become a mess, huh?
“Did you see it? They’re treating my daughter’s life like a show. I told you to deal with it. Otherwise, I’d deal with it my way.”
“Well, the IT Technician team gave me a report on the accounts. There’s no big deal about it… We’ve reached a dead end. Unless this new post changes everything, they can do nothing — so they said.” I make a dismissive, annoyed gesture. “A bunch of incompetents… should we just fire them all?”
“Do it,” Mike says, then sighs, collapsing on my couch… The couch that every time I look at it, I remember how Angelee sat there, so fragile, how my heart throbbed at that moment…
I look away, staring at the ceiling, and seal my lips.
*Hah, I’m really a fool for not seeing it before.*
I stay still, expecting him to say something else, to continue the subject, but Mike is also quiet, staring into a corner, almost like he’s mulling over something. And I confess that this sudden silence made me anxious…
“What do you think of this guy?” He finally asks, but I wish he had kept quiet. “I imagined him differently, you know? I must say, I was a little worried by our conversation, especially after what happened yesterday.”
I shudder, swallowing hard, and blink slowly, turning my eyes to Mike… “What do you mean?”
“Okay, that’s awkward, but…” Mike fidgets restlessly, “I came home, and well… I think Angelee was with someone…”
No. Fucking. Way.
“I heard some noises and…” He clears his throat, clearly uncomfortable. “Well, it doesn’t matter… She’s a woman now, an adult; things like that are normal.”
I want to disappear right now.
I close my eyes tightly, hiding my burning face behind my hand, afraid that my expression will give away how fucking ashamed I am right now… “Damn.”
“I know, right?” Mike forces a laugh, but it comes out shaky and nervous. “It’s something new for me too… So I just left home and went back to that club… I mean, what else could I do apart from giving her space? I didn’t want to embarrass her.”
*Julian, you fucking idiot!*
How the hell could I do something like that?
“But I’d certainly like to clear that out of my mind.” Now, he gives a real nervous laugh, then rubs his hand across his face. “Well, I think things will get serious with this boy from now on.”
I close my eyes tightly, each word sounding like a punch straight to my chest…
“I want my daughter to be happy; that matters to me. I failed with Angelee a lot. It’s been sixteen years of mistakes, faults, and yes, I didn’t know... but I still feel guilty for everything she’s been through. That’s why, if she’s happy with this new guy, I’ll be happy for her too.”
I also used to think that way. Four years ago, I thought the same... that if she were happy, I would be happy too. But now... Seeing Angelee with someone else hurts… hurts a lot.
Honestly, can I let things get that way?... No, *I can’t anymore.*
I can’t let her go again! I won’t stand for it… not this time.
So I take a deep breath, mustering up all the courage to tell Mike that, in fact, the person he’s been encouraging me to fight for is actually his daughter. To say that I’m so hopelessly in love with her that all I can think about is waking up next to her… that every second apart is as painful as daggers in my chest… And that it took me a while to understand my feelings, that I’ve been a really foolish man, a coward for so long… but now I know.
I’m in love with Angelee.
“Mike, I am… *Hum.”* I start, but when he looks at me, the words simply die, run off the tongue because the realization slowly falls over me, shattering my conviction…
I mean, how the hell am I supposed to say that it was ME who was with her last night?
Oh, man… Where did I put myself in?
“Yeah?”
“I’ve been thinking about what you said, and… you’re right.” I let out a short breath, my heart already racing. “About everything.”
*I’m sorry... this is everything I can say right now.*
Mike gives me a slight smile, then gets up from the couch, pulling at the edges of his suit to straighten it. “Well, I’m happy to help you somehow… Like I said, you’re a brother to me. You’re my family, more than those I share blood with.”
I smile back while watching him walk to the door. Seeing his broad back like that reminds me of when I was just a kid following him and Jack. Now, it’s just the two of us, but he still inspires me. And even now, I’m holding dearly all those memories.
“It’s okay to be a mess once in a while,” Mike says suddenly, his words cutting through the silence and my thoughts quickly. He turns to me, adding, “Just get your shit together, Juls. I’m still waiting for you to return to where you really belong. Stop throwing more work at me... I can’t take it anymore; give me a break!”
I laugh, nodding, watching Mike leave my office and close the door behind him, leaving me in complete silence...
Then I scratch my beard, forcing down the lump in my throat, trying to ease the tightness in my chest that comes from knowing that I’m deceiving Mike… from knowing that I’m lying to him… But now, my mind is clearer, and reason is finally in place.
Despite everything, I know I can’t keep lying to myself. I can’t do it anymore; the truth is right in front of my eyes. I’m not blinding myself any longer.
That’s why I’m determined to do the right thing first.
I’ll conquer Angelee, make her mine… Only then I’ll tell Mike.
Yes, that’s it… That’s exactly what I’ll do.
First, I need to convince her that what I said last night wasn’t empty words and that I didn’t say those things just because I was drunk.
The dose of courage that the booze brought me served to unravel all those words that I’d kept for too long… But now I need to prove that I meant what I said… even if I don’t know how we will make it work, I need her — and I’m going to fight for it.
So I quickly pick up my phone, and when the screen lights up, the photo of her kissing another man reaches my eyes again, hitting my chest hard with no mercy…
I can’t lose her again.
I just can’t.
Signing deeply, I type a quick message with desperate fingers, having to erase the typos because I’m so nervous I accidentally hit the wrong letters. But when I finally finish writing the text, I hold my breath, with my heart pounding hard and out of rhythm.
I’m anxious.
I’m so fucking anxious, but… I press the SEND button, swallowing the knot that forms in my throat and prevents me from breathing…
**[Angel, can you come to my office now?]**
The message is quickly seen, making my heart skip a beat once again…
But unlike all the other times, there’s no quick reply.