170 — “Thank you, my little angel.”
“Used to be?” I look at Julian softly, afraid to touch on such a delicate subject, squeezing his hand reassuringly.
Julian sighs, looking to the other corner of the room.
“Jack’s death broke us. My mother especially. The thing about depression is that it always seems to sneak up like a shadow. It’s there, even when you think you’re over it, even when you’re fine and can’t feel it... It only takes one slip for it to come up again.” Julian says with painful familiarity, almost like he had suffered it himself. For some reason, I feel that he’s talking about himself more than about someone else.
But he brushes it off with a smile, inflating his lungs to the max.
“She’s feeling better now... Mother may no longer be the smiling, full-of-life woman she was before, but she’s still here.”
I stay silent for a few moments, absorbing his words, understanding them better than anyone. We both know how much it hurts to miss the people we love. Death is cruel, painful, and so real. It can go slow and take time — but it can also be quick, sudden, in the blink of an eye.
How much time do we have in this world… Long enough to put off the things we want? Is it enough to do everything we delayed with the *I can do it later* excuse?
“Let’s do this,” I say almost in a whisper, catching Julian’s confused eyes. “Holding the wedding soon… I also want to call you my husband.”
Julian smiles, his eyes immediately lighting up.
He lessens the distance between our faces to give me a light kiss with just the brushing of our lips.
I slip my hand behind his neck, parting my lips so that his tongue slides inside, smooth, soft, meeting mine for a long, passionate intertwining.
Slowly, the weight of his body makes me weak. His hand that holds my face so tenderly becomes a little rougher as he presses his fingerprints into my nape, curling his fingers into my hair.
He leans over, making my back sink into the couch, keeping his body supported by a single strong arm that makes its veins bulge.
I part my legs, allowing him to get between them. Julian smiles and lowers his hips to press against me against his hard-on.
The kiss deepens, getting faster and more intense, making my mind blank with this sweet and passionate intertwining. The rubbing of our tongues feels so good that it sends goosebumps all over my skin.
Julian’s teeth tug at my lower lip, separating our mouths enough for a sigh to escape through mine.
He moves his lips down my jaw, reaching my neck, which is always sensitive to his hot tongue. I let out a low moan at the wet kiss he places near my throat and my breathing quickens.
Our eyes lock as he lowers his hand to my shoulder, still supporting his own weight on the other strong arm. His rough palm slides across my shoulder, down the strap of my blouse, but he doesn’t take it off — when he reaches my shorts, his eyes darken with lust.
His nimble fingers pull it down with my panties, anxiously, almost desperate. He lifts my blouse just enough to expose my breasts, his breathing getting heavier.
I pull his shirt up, longing for skin-to-skin contact, craving his hard chest against my stiff nipples.
Julian pulls down his pants enough to expose his erection and buries himself inside me in one quick, clean, easy movement. I’m so used to its size and thickness that it fills me perfectly like it was made to fit.
A loud moan escapes my lips as he goes deep, and it seems to startle him. I grab his shirt and nod desperately, begging him not to stop with my eyes. Just like him, I need this... Being so emotionally exposed, so vulnerable... opens up a need that only the warm touch of each other can relieve.
Careful not to release the weight of his body on mine, he grips my thigh and lifts my hips so that his cock goes even deeper, making me gasp and moan.
Our lips are only a few inches apart, and the intimacy of our locked eyes as he thrusts inside sends shivers down my spine.
He moves slowly, starting with easy, shallow thrusts, rubbing the tip of his cock against my entrance, making my breathing heavier and heavier. His fingers digging into my thigh intensify, and he seems eager to go deep, hard, as he always does.
However, Julian keeps up this languid rhythm, massaging my inner walls with his thickness. It’s so good that every time his strong body slides against my sweaty skin, I feel a little closer to the edge.
I bite my lip, gripping his shirt even tighter. The friction of my nipples against his skin builds even more arousal in me. Even though this isn’t a strong, rough, fast pace... there’s something intense and passionate about his tender thrusts... it’s like he’s setting my whole body on fire.
Julian keeps thrusting his hips forward, trying not to go too deep, which seems to turn him on even more. He grits his teeth, closes his eyes tightly, and speeds up a little more, undulating his hips as I lock my legs around his body.
One of my hands slides down his waist to his back, stroking with the tips of my nails, squeezing his skin and his sharp muscles.
The way Julian holds me in his arms, his care, the passionate and careful way he makes me feel good... There really is something different about this sex— but I like this way too.
Julian’s hand punishing my thigh as he tries so hard to control himself shows me that he’s really trying not to hurt me.
I reach for his lips, a kiss as slow and easy as the rhythm he sets, and he allows me to explore his mouth, focusing only on the thrusts while I feel his skin crawl, his muscles tense, his sweat mixing with mine and the smell of soap with arousal… *Everything is making my mind go blank...*
“You feel so good...” Julian says between grunts, increasing the pace as if he were under a thread of sanity. His fingers dig even harder into my leg, and he hammers his cock deep, painfully good.
My moan seems to startle him again, and he stops, with just the tip inside me, analyzing my face with his worried green eyes.
I touch his face gently with both hands and whisper against his lips, “Don’t stop...”
“I don’t want to hurt you.” He says with a sigh, leaning our foreheads together.
And I can’t help but smile. Hearing those words brings back memories and good nostalgia. In the beginning, Julian was also afraid of hurting me.
I move my hands to his shoulder, turning his body slowly. He looks at me with surprise and curiosity but allows me to turn him until his back sinks into the couch, which is fortunately wide enough for me to climb on top of him, one leg around his body.
Julian’s breathing suddenly becomes heavier, and he caresses my legs, moving up to my bare thighs. I throw my hair behind my shoulders and raise my arms to take off my blouse and be completely exposed. He helps me take it off, pulling the fabric off easily and throwing it on the floor, as anxious as I am.
Since it’s not fair that only he keeps his clothes on, I take them off one by one, taking my time to caress his abs as I pull the cloth off.
He looks at me expectantly, grabbing my hip and lifting it enough to the tip of his cock fit at my entrance.
I give him a shy look, scratching his chest a little harder as I slowly get down.
And just like that first time when Julian was afraid of hurting me… I took the initiative.
Julian moans low in a grunt as I lean over him and let his cock go deep. Knowing that I can control the rhythm and intensity and that he’s at my mercy gives me a strange satisfaction.
I lean over him, resting my breasts against his chest, and throw my hips back, moving up and down slowly, sensuously, rubbing my whole body against his.
He wraps his arms around my waist like a hug and buries his face in the crook of my neck. He seems to be taking great care not to pick up the pace as if he’s fighting his instinct, but he really seems to enjoy feeling my insides squeezing like this, the tip always rubbing against my most sensitive spot.
Julian’s skin is hot and sweaty, totally aroused, just like mine. The sounds escaping from deep in his throat excite me more and more, making me increase my pace, moving up and down hard as he holds me close.
The pleasure that’s coming over me chills every inch of my skin; his cock builds a screaming excitement that threatens to explode, and Julian knows exactly what I need to find that ecstasy.
As if he can’t resist any longer, he squeezes me tighter in his arms and lifts my hips, thrusting me upwards, helping me to bounce fast and intensely. I undulate my hips, wiggling my ass to make his thrusts better…
And when I sit down hard, with his cock so, so deep, my moan mixes with his.
I feel the hot sensation of his cum spreading through my lower belly, the feeling that was my doom. My own orgasm explodes into his, making me moan against his neck and shudder as he holds me. My inner walls tighten and squeeze him, threatening to expel the cock that still throbs.
Julian’s heavy breathing joins mine, and I simply collapse, throwing all my weight onto him. His hands slide down my sweaty back, one up to my nape, the other down to my waist, without breaking this now warm embrace.
I close my eyes, feeling our hearts beating fast at the same pace… like they were one beat. Somehow, this sensation makes my body relax, and only then do I realize how tired I am.
“I really needed that...” Julian says with a laugh in his voice.
“To have sex or to vent?” I ask with my eyes closed.
“Both.” Julian caresses my sweaty shoulders, pushing the sticky hair off my skin. “Thank you, my little angel... you’ve given new meaning to my life, *you’ve changed me.”*
I’d like to say that he changed me too... that he’s my ray of sunshine. But for some reason, I keep silent and let this moment belong to him alone.
“I promised I’d be a better man for you, and I will be. From now on, I’ll be a good husband, a good father… *also a good son, and a good brother.”* Julian kisses my forehead, oblivious to my eyelashes wet with happiness. “So thank you... Thank you for being with me.”