87 — “You’re the first.”

Julian’s words don’t hit me like a punch, but they steal my breath and wet my eyes. It takes me a few moments to understand what he’s saying… that he’s telling me to *belong to him.*
He doesn’t rush me, doesn’t move, or even blink… He just looks me in the eye, waiting for the answer that has disappeared from the tip of my tongue.
I take a deep breath, looking at our intertwined fingers, the way my hand seems to fit perfectly in his, even though it’s so small and delicate. I return my gaze to him, to his intense green eyes that shine with something that takes me apart.
Noticing that my silence lasts longer than expected, Julian stands up without releasing our hands. He moves closer, decreasing our distance until our bodies are only a few inches apart.
I lift my face to keep looking at him, almost hypnotized by the way I reflect in his eyes.
Julian brings his other hand to my face, fitting my cheek in his palm, snuggling me to his touch. And with my eyes locked on his, I see desire, lust, and love.
*He’s really in love with me.*
That realization makes me gasp, breathing hard until my lungs can’t handle it.
“You don’t believe me, do you?”
*Yes, I do,* but… I’m scared.
I lower my eyes to his lips, suddenly too shy to keep looking at him like that… but it’s a mistake because I’m tempted to kiss him as soon as I notice his discreet smile. And I know Julian can feel my desire; his fingers curl into the hair at my nape, rolling it up behind my neck.
“See for yourself…” Julian brings our intertwined hands up to his chest, and when he places the palm of my hand against his heart, I can feel it beating fast… very fast. “Do you still think I’m lying?”
He lets go of my hand, but I keep it there, still feeling his heartbeat against my palm, somehow resonating with mine. It’s such a cozy pound… I’m so happy that I have no words anymore. There’s nothing I can say right now… my eyes just shine with emotion…
After all, I’ve been in love with Julian for so long, since the moment my eyes met his. His blond hair was like rays of sunshine on that gloomy winter’s day. It was the light that illuminated my life.
And I had always belonged to him, every bit of me, every inch of my heart — everything had always belonged to Julian Adams.
But I had to give up that feeling because it hurt.
It hurt to know that he would never love me the same way. *But now…*
“Huh, what do you think?” He mumbles, his fingerprints searching my skin under the blouse. “Tell me.”
“You say you want me to be yours, but do you really know what that means?” I finally let go of those bitter words, returning my eyes to his… my fingers curling into his shirt, wrinkling the cloth even more.
Julian’s expression turns confused, and that makes my own heartbeat get faster.
“What you’re asking of me… What exactly do you expect?”
He opens his lips, but I don’t let him say anything yet… I just add, “You want me to be yours — but *what?* What exactly do you want from me?”
He takes a deep breath, keeping a silence I don’t dare respect…
“Do you think you’re ready to commit to someone?”
Julian loosens his grip on the back of my neck, slowly withdrawing his hand. That brief moment of hesitation causes my heart to skip a beat and my breath to rush out through the gap between my lips.
And maybe my disappointment and conflicted feelings are all over my face because he’s quick to say, “I know it’s hard for you to trust me. I mean… It’s true that all these years, I’ve never come close to committing to anyone. I even slept with so many women I’ve lost count. I want to be honest with you, and I won’t lie, Angel… I’m not a good man for you. I’m not enough… You deserve someone better than me, and I know that.”
His words surprise me, and I blink a few times… “Are you serious?”
Julian doesn’t answer me; he just stays silent, looking at me with fragility shining in his eyes.
“Have you ever looked in the mirror?” I say, genuinely shocked, and he gives a small chuckle. “I’m serious… How can you think you’re not enough? I mean, anyone can tell just by looking at you… You’re handsome, rich, successful, and…” I shut up abruptly, my face heating up, my cheeks probably taking on a red hue.
“And what?” Julian says teasingly, moistening his lips. “What makes you all flushed?”
*“A good kisser…”* I say quietly, looking away.
“Just that?” His hands slide down the curves of my body again, still reaching the skin under my blouse, running his whole rough palm up my lower back, making me arch.
“A- Anyway, how can you say something like that?” I dig my fingers even deeper into his shirt, returning my eyes to his face, to his mischievous smile.
“But it’s the truth. I’m really not a good man for you, Angelee.” He brushes his lips against mine, making me sigh. “You’ve spent four years with just one person. I’ve never slept with the same woman more than twice… You’re the first one.”
I don’t know if I should be happy about this, but I can’t help the silly smile that lights up my face…
“You deserve someone better than me, and I’ve tried to convince myself of that for a long time.” His other hand searches through my hair; his fingerprints keep drawing the curves the spine makes on my skin. “But I’ve really become a greedy man, and I want you all to myself.”
Our eyes are locked together, our breaths merging…
“You asked me if I’m ready,” He brushes his lips against mine again, “Give me a chance to try to be the person you deserve, babe; I think we’re both tired of just talking.”
Julian gives me a light kiss on my lips, making me close my eyes. Butterflies are in my belly now, and goosebumps are taking on every inch of my skin…
But the door opens abruptly, with a high-pitched female voice saying loudly, “Julian, could you-”
I move away quickly, so fast that I twist my foot in my heels. The pain in the same ankle reminds me that I shouldn’t force it, but here I am, almost going to the ground; if it hadn’t been for Julian’s incredible reflex, putting his arm around my back, I would surely have had a pathetic fall.
I’m so surprised… my heart beats so fast in my chest that it takes me a while to understand what exactly is going on… *Laura* opened the door without knocking, calling him by name like they were intimate or something.
And the surprise soon turns into a rage that spreads through my chest like wildfire.
Julian helps me find my balance again, looking at me with concern, alternating between my eyes and the ankle he’s taken care of before. His firm hands hold me carefully, making sure I’m able to support the weight of my body in these thin heels.
And then, he finally casts a furious glance in Laura’s direction, who stands at the door, holding the handle with a false expression of innocence. Behind her, a few people are looking into the room, watching with curiosity, perhaps surprised by Laura’s disrespect.
“What is that, Ms. Laura?” Julian’s voice is so firm and angry that it sends shivers down my spine. “Have you forgotten your manners? Entering your boss’ office without knocking on the door or waiting for permission… Calling me by name as if we were intimate — *which we’re not…* I can’t help but wonder, is there something affecting your judgment?”
Laura immediately changes her false innocence to pure shock. She looks away, back, noticing that his tone is loud enough to reach other ears. Her plan is probably backfiring.
“I’m sorry, since it’s been a while since Angelee came in here, I figured she’d left-”
“And what makes you think you’re allowed to break into my room like that?” Julian interrupts her harshly, still holding me gently. “Whether my business with Angelee is delayed or not, whether I’m alone or not, none of that gives you the right to act so rudely.”
Laura wriggles restlessly, shifting her weight between her legs, avoiding looking at the rest of the office, who are probably staring at her, judging her to the point of her face getting red, and I’m sure she’s not faking it this time.
“That’s the second time you’ve behaved inappropriately. Return to work; we’ll discuss your future in this company later.” Julian’s eyes are cold… so cold that they make her body shudder, leaving her without the courage to lift her face and look at him directly. “Are we clear, Ms. Laura?”
“Yes, Mr. Adams.” She mumbles, head down, hiding her face behind her red hair. Still, I glimpse her ashamed cheeks and how her lips pull down, trembling, embarrassed.
“Get out,” Julian says severely, his voice even louder. And obeying without question, she closes the door, leaving us alone again.
The low thud of the door makes me flinch.
Julian looks at me again, so different… His expression is soft now, like his voice, while checking me from head to toe, “Is your ankle okay?”
I bite my lip, nodding.
“That woman, she’s completely crazy. It’s not the first time she’s done something like this. Can you believe she tried to seduce me the other day?” Julian laughs sarcastically, bitter, shaking his head and slowly retracting his hands, adding an uncomfortable distance between us.
“I don’t know what’s going on in her head, but she’s definitely delusional… There’s something wrong with her, that’s for sure.”
Julian’s words make my legs almost wobble, and I move to the couch, sinking into it, understanding exactly what he’s telling me. *Laura tried to seduce him. Laura is delusional. Completely crazy.*
It doesn’t look like they had anything…
It doesn’t seem like what I thought happened that day.
Now I feel really stupid for having doubted it, for getting so upset over something that was probably just another twist by this psycho.
I sigh, noticing how Julian walks around the room, annoyed, pulling at his tie to loosen it even more. And running his hand over his face, he stops suddenly and says, “I should have fired her before… She crossed the line more than once.”
He keeps walking around, muttering to himself, *“Why now…? Just when she was going to answer me...”*
I suppress a smile, watching Julian’s broad-back, listening to his mumble, how he’s mulling over my interrupted answer… And seeing how he appears so absorbed and worried spreads warmth through my chest.
You know, Julian… You want me to be yours, *but I already am.*
Maybe the misunderstandings surrounding us lately are simply that — misunderstandings. However, I think you made me a greedy woman too…
And because of that, now I really want to see you fight for us.