66 — “You know where to find me.”

I sigh deeply and give a discreet smile. “Nice try.”
“Well, at least I tried.” Tyler shrugs his shoulders, then returns my smile. With a pat on the table, he stands up. “If you change your mind… you know where to find me.”
I watch his broad back move away and can't help but check out the way his muscles mark his shirt. He must spend a lot of time in the gym, but… His body isn't like Julian's.
Argh… *No one is like Julian!*
I reach for my phone fearfully, with my heart pounding desperately in my chest… Now that I think about it, at that moment, Julian seemed about to ask me to lunch. But I was too scared, too afraid that his words would hurt me even more. So yeah, I ran away.
Of course I ran away.
With withered shoulders, I look at the screen of my phone, at the messages… There are none from Julian.
My heart is so tight… I'm so sad that tears threaten to rise in my eyes and wet my eyelashes.
I bring my hand to my chest and squeeze the fabric of my shirt lightly, like this foolish gesture could ease the pain of my broken heart. There's no medicine to heal it, but time or the person who broke it.
And even though I hate to admit it, that I'm probably a real fool, pathetic.… I'm dying to see Julian right now.
So that's why I finish my meal so quickly that I almost choke, with the promise of indigestion...... Because I need to see Julian.
Are we really ending things like this? A few words said while he was drunk, dumped in the bathroom, soaked in the shower? No, I can't leave it like that. If Julian wants to go back behind the line we crossed, if he wants to be just my friend… Then I want him to say it straight into my eyes, without any alcohol affecting his judgment.
I stand up quickly and approach the counter, watching like Tyler's brown eyes lift to look at my face. He's sitting on a small stool, and yet he manages to be taller than my slender body. There's also a subtle smile on his lips while he crosses his arms and rests them on the counter, leaning over it.
“Was it good?”
“Yeah, delicious.” I say, opening my purse to grab some bills. “Please give my compliments to the cooker.”
“Why don't you give it yourself?” He says playfully, drawing my surprised eyes, “It's right in front of you.”
“You made them yourself too?” I blink, surprised.
“Yes. Everything on the menu, I did it all myself.” He tilts his head slightly, “Well, although I might need to hire new staff… The restaurant is growing.”
I give a gentle smile, “Well, then you're to be praised. Your food is wonderful, not just the sweets.”
Tyler lets out a short sigh that escapes through a small gap between his lips, and his gaze softens… “Thank you, Angel.”
I hold out the bills to him, but he gently touches my hand and lowers it, moving his head to the sides. “You let me keep you company during your lunch, so why don't let me pay for it?”
“You really are trying to spoil me, aren't you?”
“Maybe.” Tyler straightens his posture and pulls his hand away from mine, “Seriously, today is on the house.”
“All right then.” I stash the money in my purse again, but add, “Next time, I'll pay.”
When I'm turning away, I hear his voice sound a little louder, “Hey, Angel?”
“Yeah?” I look over my shoulder.
“You know where to find me.”
I give him a smile, but don't say anything beyond that… just walk out of the restaurant. Outside, I take a deep breath and fill my lungs completely… And when I let the air out, with the breeze swaying my hair, I'm decided — *we'll definitely talk about it.*
So, I begin walking down the sidewalk quickly, and the only reason I don't run is because of my high heels. There's still some time left from lunch, so maybe we can get this talked now, once and for all.
With people passing by me in the frantic pace of New York City, I type a message to Julian. My fingers are shaking, and my heart is pounding so hard… But I managed to send it,
**[Julian… Can we talk before we go back to work?]**
I keep walking quickly, my heart pounding so, so fast, so painfully… with my eyes locked on the phone, waiting for the answer….
One, two, three steps.
One minute.
Two long minutes.
The ever-quick reply isn't coming.
It makes sweat drip down the inside of my shirt.
**[It's important… We need to talk.]** I type even faster, without taking my eyes off the screen, and press the SEND button so hard that my fingernail scratches it slightly.
I keep walking, but with even longer steps, and look up, already noticing the building appearing on the horizon. But soon I lower my eyes to the phone again, to Julian's answer that's not coming, *gosh, it's not coming, and he's always so quick to answer me…*
While crossing the street with my eyes locked on the phone, I'm so absorbed in thought that I don't notice anything around me… Until a sudden loud noise catches my attention.
The sound of tires scraping the ground, and the strong smell of burning rubber invades all my senses, making me startle.
I flinch slightly, looking to the side, noticing that I've narrowly missed being hit by a car. It's so close that if I were a little more to the side, the bumper would reach my leg.
“LOOK WHERE YOU'RE GOING!” The driver shouts, so loud that it makes me flinch even more.
I raise my hands, baffled, completely confused… There's so much adrenaline that I feel simply confused. I think I apologize, but I'm not sure… I just keep crossing the street, with people uttering around… stopping their business to focus on me.
But I don't care about that at all because I'm finally in front of the building, in front of the reception, walking in and taking the elevator that will lead me to Julian's office.
*I need to see him.*
Impatience is running through me. I'm tapping my heel anxious on the floor of the elevator, which seems to be going up more slowly today, just when I need it to be fast. I watch the numbers rise on the display, getting closer and closer to my destination….
Until the doors finally open.
I step out quickly, looking around and noticing that the office is indeed empty. And that causes a certain relief in my chest because maybe we can talk better.
While making my way through the office, I grab my phone, looking at the messages that haven't been answered so far… Well, okay… He's usually in his office at this time, so I just need to-
*“Julian… Why don't you touch me?”*
I freeze in place, setting my feet firmly on the floor.
Raising my eyes slowly, I notice that his door is right in front of me…
*“You don't want me? I've seen the way you look at me… There's no one in the office now, we can do whatever you want…”*
I feel my legs wobble, but I struggle to support my body and clutch my phone tightly, letting my hands fall to my sides.
*“You've wanted me for so long… I know it.”*
*“Ms. Laura.”* Julian's voice is firm, but like a punch straight to my stomach… so hard it steals my air completely.
I lift my face, stretching my throat up, and while I'm taking in the sight, I notice that Julian hasn't closed the curtains.
He hasn't closed the damn curtains.
*“Don't you remember that time I went with Angel to your place, and we had a little thing going on? I've never forgotten that feeling… the shiver you gave my skin.”*
I close my eyes for a moment, with tears wetting my eyelashes. But in an impulsive moment, I approach the window slowly, knowing that I'll get hurt… Knowing that my heart will be broken into a million pieces….
But yes, I look through the gaps in it… And I can see Julian sitting in his chair, with his tie loosened, and hair completely messed up…
Then I move my eyes a little more and, hah… my heart forgets how to beat.
There's the red hair I'm used to… sitting on Julian's desk, taking off her shirt, showing the straps of her red bra.
*“Ever since our meeting at the gym, I can't get you out of my mind… Your body…”*
I feel sick.
I'm going to throw up.
Really, I… can't see anything else…
I just close my eyes, cover them with a trembling hand, turn my face away — I don't want to see him anymore.
So I just walk away, searching for the elevator, fighting hard against these sobs that I'm holding in my throat… But it really doesn't matter because, with every step, the palm of my hand gets wetter.
There are so many tears streaming down my face that hiding them is simply in vain….
And when a sob manages to escape despite my resistance, I have to lower my hand to my lips to cover them and muffle the others that, one by one, break free from my throat.
I press the elevator button, and, to my true relief, its doors open quickly. I drag my body inside, leaning against the wall, watching them close again through my blurred eyes.
When the elevator finally starts to go down, I allow myself to cry… letting out the sobs, the heavy tears that fall from my eyes and run down my face so wet. I bring my hand up to it, trying to hide this shame, this pain, this damned feeling that seems about to tear my chest apart.
But I know… I can't cry here… not when there are so many evil eyes, so many people about to throw me off the cliff. There's no safe place for me here.
This insecurity, this fragility of mine… they only make my tears saltier, my throat narrower, preventing the air from fully entering my lungs.
I let out a cry, a painful grunt that reverberates through these metal walls… And I crouch down, hiding my face between my knees, crying so loudly, so hard, that I wouldn't be surprised if the whole building could hear me….
I feel miserable.
I'm so miserable and there's no place on earth that can shelter me. There's no place where I can really cry… After all, my tears are a cause for concern for my father and Julian… Even though he's the reason that I feel like I could die right now.
I have nothing left-
(…) *“You know where to find me.”*
Suddenly, Tyler's words stop my sobs … and I can hear the elevator bell.
Opening my blurred eyes, I see the doors finally opening.